mikey1978 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 hi, never thought I would need to register for a website like this before now but what I'm feeling is damaging my relationship with my gf! I need some advice quickly! My gf has just turned 18, I have been with her for just over two months and although we have talked about ex's it didn't bother me as much as what she told me 3 days ago, it plays on my mind mostly when I'm with her, she has done karate for 8 years and 2 years ago she had performed oral sex on her instructor, then 3 months ago she had sex with him! what makes this get worse is that the instructor's wife is good friends with her mum. My gf kept this from me because she's ashamed of what she's done and doesn't want her mum to find out, but then told me eventually so that she had nothing to hide! (I wish she hadn't told me) I'm so in love with this girl an I thought she really was my soul mate! Now I can't stop hurting! The instructor pressured her into doing these things but it does take two, how can someone in that role manipulate a girl he has tought since she was 8 years old! Apart from his size of his penis being 10" which I'm kinda not letting it bother me because she's happy in that area with me! What's eating away at me is the fact she did this with her mums best friend who is married and now become pregnant! It makes me feel sick. Her mum has texts and stuff from the wife which gets to me and I know that the baby will bring her mum closer to them! I can't bare the lies and secrets and having it all rubbed in my face. My gf wants me to forget it and carry on as if nothing is wrong but it's hard because they are friends with the family! I don't know what to do I love her so much! I'm scared I'm pushing her away and at the same time angry with her for what she's done.
Green Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 seriously I don't know what good she expected to come from this by telling you, she should tell her mom but you don't need to feel guilty about feeling the way you do about this. I wouldn't be to hard on her though I mean this guy really took advantage of her he used his position of trust and how she must of looked up to him to take awful advantage of her. Seriously you have two options you can ither forget this and move on or just leave her. Why did she tell you about his penis size? have you slept with her ?
Author mikey1978 Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 yes Im sleeping with her! not sure why she told me about the size, she says it hurt her and that she hated every minute of it. The reason she went with this guy apparently was because he came to her crying about problems etc... basically putting pressure on her to make him feel better. She was only 15 and it makes me angry thinking about it. she says she cant tell her mum or let it get out because it would break up her and her family! her mum would disown her and her other family too as they have been cheated on in the past. She's really scared that it will come out. Do you think I should just try and forget and work through it with my gf. I do really want to stay with her butIm not sure how ill react when the instructors wife visits my gf mum with the baby etc and starts talking about the guy! as if he's a nice guy, when clearly he isnt. It also makes me wonder if he's doing this to other students of his that's under 16! this man has no morals or respect and I dont think he should be in a position to teach! I wish my girlfriend would at least let me tell the institution he trains for so they don't let him do it to anyone else. What do you think? I do feel much better today, my gf is making it easier because I know she really loves me! (thats something, well the only reason im still getting through it and still with her!) your comments and advice is greatly appreciated.
Green Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I've never dealt with anything like this before but its up to you. It sounds like you might be able to get past this. Yeah she really needs to tell her mother and probably even press charges against this guy so it doesn't happen to more girls he is definelty going to do it again... if it makes you feel better to tell her this you could... or you could just try really hard to forget this and not talk about it. It would upset me alot personaly to hear a story like this I don't know what I would do. good luck
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 She was only 15?? That's disgusting, and it's sexual abuse/statutory rape that may still be prosecutable. I'd stop focusing on her actions and being angry at her, and see her for what she is - a victim. It's disgusting that an instructor - a person in a position of power - took advantage of her and it shows a tremendous amount of trust for her to open up to you. Don't punish her for that. Her mother absolutely needs to know, but you shouldn't be the one to tell her. Tell your girlfriend that you are so sorry for what she went through, and that the instructor was wrong and encourage her to tell her mother. Yes, he will continue (and likely has) to do this to other girls and he needs to be stopped. btw, I'd encourage her to seek some type of counseling to deal with this. It's not uncommon for victims to want to "just forget about it," but not dealing with it will only cause harm to her down the road. It might not hurt for you to do some research on the subject as well, so that you can support her in a healthy and non-judgmental way.
Author mikey1978 Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 I understand, but my gf - didnt have sex with the guy when she was 15, just oral sex, she slept with him when she was 17. She says it wasn't just him and that she did it too but it was mainly because of the pressure he put on her- kept asking her to do things and crying to her about problems etc.... i don't think thats against the law is it? it's just sick that this guy takes advantage like this! to a girl he's been teaching karate to for 8-10 years! My girlfriend wont say anything because she says her mother will disown her and call her a slapper etc.... for going with him especially as he's married and the friends with my gf mum. I might wait 6 months and then inform his instructors and UK Karate institutions about his actions! (with gf's permission) THIS GUY SHOULD NOT BE INSTRUCTING YOUNG GIRLS, he first started training my gf when she was 8 years old. it makes me so angry when I think about it. Im glad other people on here can see why i feel like this because my gf hates me talking about it and wanting to tell people what he's like.... she would never forgive me for splitting her family up! Thanks agin to everyone responding.....
Green Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Dude I more then can see why you hate talking about this. A girl I like once told me "I got raped" or something to that extent and for the life of her would not tell me who raped her. Seriously learning stuff like this messes with your head but you really can't force her to tell her mother or the authorities so if you do want to stay with her then just forget it and move.
Author mikey1978 Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Yes I know but when the family have known this instructor for 10 years and the mum is like best friends with his wife who's pregnant an will be coming round it's like my face is being rubbed in it! I know I need to try and forget it's just hard especially when I know who this guy is and that he's in a position where he can carry on abusing his position as a karate instructor, HES GETTING AWAY WITH IT and there's nothing I can do Thanks for all that's helped, it's gd to talk! I know what I'm gonna do for now, which is to forget and love my gf as this is her wish!
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