KingCrimson Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I'm a huge germophobe and have been a hypochondriac ever since I was a little kid. It's to the point where I feel uncomfortable even sharing drinks with friends. I'm the type of guy who'll put a 2 layer thick sheet of toilet paper while sitting on any toilet that isn't the one in my room - including the guest toilet in our apartment. So you can imagine the problems I have when getting intimate... and that includes just kissing - all that's racing through my mind is how unhygienic it is, and also worrying about getting some STD, oral herpes, worrying about cuts/bleeding gums in one of our mouths, etc... Yes I've made out before, but I've either been really drunk and lost all inhibitions, or I've been scared the entire time (which gets mistaken for shyness). Even with girls I trust or know, at the least I'm just grossed out with the idea of sticking my tongue down someone else's mouth. Sex? Yea, the thought of that just makes me freeze up. Not from shyness, just the thought of contracting an STD. And yes, this even goes for using a condom. I always worry that they're not 100% effective, and what about some fluke from skin to skin contact and cuts, who knows... I've been with girls before and purposely not tried to initiate sex, just out of fear - which usually ends up in a night of spooning and dry humping and not much else. I recently overcame this obstacle and lost my virginity, but how did I feel the next day? Worried and as if my hypochondria was kicking in. Not relieved or finally feeling as if I hit "manhood". To make matters worse that same day I heard Queen on the radio. And all that went thru my mind was Freddy Mercury. AIDS. dying (especially when he sings about death in Bohemian Rhapsody). I got chills, and was freaking out for the entire drive. I'm seriously wondering how to get over this. Are my fears justified, at least when it comes to such extreme safe sex? Losing my vcard didn't make me any more confident, and I definitely felt more nervous after oh, and I'm 22...
whichwayisup Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Give it a try, it'll help control your obsessive thoughts, worries about catching something. This type of therapist can help you gain your life back and have more normal thought patterns.
annieo Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I think your fears are extreme, and you should get a therapist to talk things through. While it is good to be cautious, I think your hypochondria (which is a phobia) is currently running your life, and seems to be making you anxious and miserable. If you like the idea of someday being in an intimate relationship with someone, you need to sort out your issues.
Author KingCrimson Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 A few questions: 1. would using Prozac or Xanax, or some other anxiety medicine do the trick also? 2. I seriously would not have this concern or phobia if my partner and I decided to go get tested before become sexually intimate. That would calm all my nerves. However I feel like this would just kill the mood since you're technically "planning" to have sex, and it seems like most girls nowadays you expect to be dating for a short while then have sex - before the relationship "phase" actually begins... or it's even sooner as in the case of a hookup. You know, no one goes in and has a STD check when they first start dating, and that's my catch 22, I can't date sexually until she gets tested first. Also, I'm an atheist, and do go out a lot (and drink lots of beer). So your conservative, prude, sex-before-marriage type, we definitely wouldn't click on so many levels, and so those aren't the types of girls I'm even interested in being friends with (if your weekends involve going to church, going to a family friendly festival, sitting around playing board games, not partaking in crude or immature humor and behavior from time to time, etc...) 3. I've thought about going to a shrink, and trying that Cognitive Therapy and perhaps some Prozac. But I just can't stand the stigma of going to a shrink, and would feel embarassed if any friends or family knew. Also, how will it affect my medical history? If say it shows I've been using medication and have been seeing a shrink? I've never been on any medication or therapy, and would like to keep my slate clean if it'd come back to haunt me down the road
whichwayisup Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 You don't have to tell anyone in your family that you're seeing a therapist. That's your business. Therapy is to help you and many people (myself included) have gone to therapy for various reasons. Maybe someone you know has gone, but you don't know that bit of information about them. I mean, my mom went after my father died. I suffered from anxiety, and I did CBT. My sister went to speak to someone about other stuff.. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks - And no, it won't interfer in a future job either. Infact, if anything it'll help because you DO suffer from a form of OCD, getting help IS making you better... If you had diabetes, would you be ashamed? Not take meds incase others would judge you? My guess is no..So, the inside of you, your head, is JUST as important! You can do CBT without going on meds, I did and managed fine without taking anything.
Meaplus3 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 As a person who has suffered with panic and anxiety attacks..I can very much understand how your feeling and where your coming from. Right now you are in a "Catastrophic" mind set.Meaning your taking a situation and looking at it in worse possible way with only the worse possible out come. This is very common when your nervous or anxious. As whichwayisup mentioned CBT is very helpful. CBT helps you to change the way you think about things.. and really helps you to put things in to perspective. It helps you to view the situation in a more relalistic way. A good therapist should be able to help you with this. There is nothing wrong seeking therapy that's why they have therapists in this world to help with these very things that the average person can become baffled over. You asked about the using meds? That's something I would speak to your family Doc about. I did take a low does of xanax for a while and then slowly weaned off it. Xanax is not a good drug for the long term because of it's addictive nature however, there are other meds on the market that can be taken on a daily basis and are highly effective for anxiety. I recently read a couple of good books. These books might be a benefit to you. 1)When panic attacks by David D Burns, M.D. 2) Hope and help for your nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes (Great Book) I wish you the best of luck. Keep in mind there is hope and you can overcome these feelings. Keep your chin up and most of all believe in yourself. AP:)
whichwayisup Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 The Feeling Good Book, (again) By Dr. David Burns. Been There, Done That, Try This! By Sam Obitz. Another few helpful books..
hereforever Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 wow, seriosuly. I am the exact same.apart from i dont get the thougts with my long term boyfriend, only because we wer both tested and i totally trust him. WHy dont u totally scrap the idea of sex until your with someone you really care about and trust to the point perhaps they would get tested to put u at ease.my bf did this and im enternelly gratefull. as for the toilet paper thing.i do it to. everytime. My family are always giving out about how fast we run out of toilet paper XD xxxx
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