crystal_lostheart Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Hey again, Well I did it - I know many of you have been telling me to do this (NC) and I have. Not the way I wanted to start NC but at least it is done now. The story - Would alarm bells go off in your head if this happened? I have found out that my MM has cheated on his W 5 times before me over a 17 year period. Only 1 of them (OW) he claimed to 'love' - the others were just a 'fling'. Finding this out made my stomach churn..... after almost one year with him i feel sick from this. Anyhow, to cut a long story short. A few months ago somebody at my work (a girl) did something wrong by me..... it was hurtful and I got over it and acted professional about it and everything worked out and we got along again. MM was furious at what she did to me and said how angry at her he was for doing this. He defended me to others about it as well. At the time I felt support from him. As time has gone on, let's just say he has gone out of his way to help her with things at work....even to the point of offering her special treatment within our industry due to the fact she is a world class champion in a sport. Now he is taking her through training sessions. I have never really said anything but alarm bells are going off in my head. The last straw was the other day when he 'rigged' a competition so she would win.....he tried to justify this to me by saying it was good for business. I told him that I didn't understand why he would go out of his was to look after someone that originally did wrong be me and why he planned most of it behind my back and didnt tell me to the last minute...... He became furious with me? Said I was overreacting and just being jealous? I don't believe this to be true? He himself is a very jealous person...... I know that nothing is going on between them because of how many times he calls me during the day and also because we spend so much time together...but it just doesn't make sense and he doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell him? Normally when we have argued, I would call him and try and talk about it. This time I have not and won't call. I feel like enough is enough and I am sick of him turning it around like it is my fault. I told him the other night that if he was not willing to talk to me about this, then really there was nothing else for us to discuss and I left it at that. It has been 2 days and I have not given in. It hurts like hell but this narcissistic/selfish behaviour of his is taking it's toll on me. It's like I get punished if I speak my mind (as most of you know from my last threads). What do you think of this and what else do you believe I can do to make it easier for myself? Thanks Again.....
whichwayisup Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 The story - Would alarm bells go off in your head if this happened? I have found out that my MM has cheated on his W 5 times before me over a 17 year period. Only 1 of them (OW) he claimed to 'love' - the others were just a 'fling'. Finding this out made my stomach churn..... after almost one year with him i feel sick from this. How long ago did you find this out? The other stuff, let it go and try your best to tune out this girl and what's going on around you. If you didn't have an A with him, you never would think she is getting special treatment. He is a manager? Then he is doing his job, even if you think otherwise.. Keep doing NC and if he tries to talk to you, tell him you're not interested in hearing what he has to say. In the meantime, start looking for another job, this way it'll be easier on you. (Or ask for a transfer so you don't have to deal with him at all.)
Author crystal_lostheart Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 He told me a few weeks ago about the other A's.... It just makes me feel like i'm just another one and although he tells me that he loves me..... what's to say he won't ever do the same to me and cheat?
whichwayisup Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 That in itself should be enough to make you dump his @ss! He isn't going to leave his wife, ever. He's a serial cheater and yes, he WILL Cheat on you one day if you choose to end up with him. If you continue with him, knowing all this about him - Then you are going to be hurt. He has not gone to counselling to try to fix himself. All he knows is, when things get rough, he runs and cheats. He did it to his wife, many times, he'll do it to you as well. He's a GOOD LIAR. Listen to your gut.
Author crystal_lostheart Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 I actually questioned him about it and said 'why am I any different?'. He told me that the others were just flings except for one who he did leave his W (fiance at the time) for but the OW didn't want him back (good for her I say). He said that he really loved me and that we spend so much time together and he just can't be without me. He does support me in many ways, but when I say or do something that he doesn't like - my goodness does he get angry..... sometimes he comes around and realizes he is being stupid, other times it's like world war 3 - like I'm constantly walking on egg shells. I feel terrible today but I'm sticking to the NC.....
jj33 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 He rigged a competition for her?? This man cheats in all areas of life doesnt he. Its so wrong, and thats not good for business at all if it was found out the company would look terrible. Has he personally been giving her "special training sessions" or has he arranged for the company to pay for them. Very different scenarios. If he personally has been giving her special training sessions alarm bells would certainly go off in my head even if he was a former olympiad... This man is bad news. This NC is really just an argument. But you can use it as NC when he tries to speak to you dont make it about her make it about you. Because YOU deserve more. Simply tell him that you cant continue the relationship and that from now on your communications must be work only. No more socializing outside of work. Special training sessions... thats not good. Am sorry you are going through this. But youve had more than enough alarm bells if this was a fire youd have been caught in the blaze. Take heed. The universe gives you so many signals and you ignore them at your peril. You are already heartbroken. Why sign up for more. All he can tell you to make you feel better are pretty lies. And that isnt really what you want is it?
Author crystal_lostheart Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 We have never gone 2 days without speaking - never..... I don't care that he is training her. The point of it is - if you look at it more closely - he screws people over. If someone does wrong by you, at the very least you would expect your partner to stick by you. I don't mean for him to be nasty to her, yes be polite and professional but don't go out of your way for someone that disrespected your partner..... he just doesn't get it. That's why I just cannot look at him and after finding out about the other A's, my head is just constantly spinning..... Thankyou for your support, it is making me stronger as the day goes on.....I need to hear this.....
The_411 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 He's not just training her he's well having sex with her.
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