smile711 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Dear xMM, It has been 8 weeks since you up and decided (again) to leave me and go back home. This time, it was after living with me for months and taking me on vacation and meeting my family. I am starting to realize the reasons don't matter-if it was for your family, fine. If it was because you realized (after 4 months?) that you missed your wife, fine. If it was because you're 46 and not willing to change your life at this stage, fine. IT DOESN'T MATTER. There are, however, a few things that do matter. This time away from you after 2 and 1/2 years together has been both a blessing and a curse. The curse is the panic attacks, the depression, the fear and anxiety about my future. The curse is the low self-esteem and the internal beating I give myself every day. The curse is not hearing your voice every day anymore yet still being able to conjure it up in my head at any moment. The blessing has been finding friends and supporters coming out of the woodwork to be there for me even though I have made terrible decisions. The blessing has been the clarity that I have been able to gain without the cloud of you around. I see your character-finally-really. I see that trusting you would have been impossible for me in the long run. The promises you made would have been like the promises made to your wife in your wedding vows-just what you decided to say at the moment. I see the respect that so many people have lost for you because you have (mostly without remorse) hurt dozens of people in your quest to feel "wanted" by women (more than 10 affairs that I know of, but my newfound wisdom tells me there were probably many more). I see that asking for forgiveness-from God, from your friends, from the people you lied to, even from your wife-can start to bring me peace. I am sorry for what I did to your wife. The pain she has now is partially my fault and I take responsibility for it. The ogre that you made her out to be served only to assauge my guilt so I wanted to stay with you. I am sure she is not half as bad as you made her out to be. She has my apologies for believing you and taking part in the affair. If YOU are in any pain or discomfort, however, I am not sorry. Call it what you want-karma, what goes around comes around, reaping what you sow-people who go through life treating others like attractions in their own personal amusement park will feel the pain of those decisions eventually. I know you say you are turning over a new leaf. Congratulations and good luck. That was sarcasm-it will probably take me more than 8 weeks to say that and really mean it. You have been a lying, cheating, alcoholic drug addict for 20 years and you'll need to be on your knees praying a lot to get the help you need to turn over a leaf that heavy. I will come out of this stronger. I will come out of this with hard earned wisdom. I will learn lessons that I will try to teach others so they don't go through this. I will wake up one day and you WON'T be the first thing on my mind. I will get through this and one day not take anti-depressents and anti-anxiety medicine at the ripe old age of 28. I will find a wonderful man who encompasses all that I have been waiting for WHO IS SINGLE and AVAILABLE. I will believe his words because his actions will show his character. Just as your actions have shown yours. Please never look at me and say, "She's in such bad shape. I feel horrible I did this to her. Poor girl." Look at me and say, "Damn, I hurt an extraordinary woman and I was a fool to let her go." I will be living well, my dear, and that will be the best revenge. Smile711
Angel1111 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 He sounds like a child. I think you should send the letter. I love the part about 'a leaf that heavy'. hee! hee! I'm sorry you've been hurt so badly. It's a lesson to anyone that even when these guys leave their marriages, there is still that period of time where the possibility of them returning is there. They go back to their miserable marriages and destroy two things - their marriage, and the girl they love.
Recommended Posts