Ashbash11 Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 My boyfriend finally moved out to California yesterday. I had been anticipating the move for 2 weeks, but after he left, it really hit me hard that he's gone.... I've been crying on and off all day today... How do you deal with it when your SO moves cross country?? I'm trying to keep busy and get involved in my schoolwork, but I just can't. I am incredibly sad. I feel really empty. He told me he will try to visit in a month, but it's not definite (aka: he hasn't bought a plane ticket yet) The worst part of it is that the other night, I tried to discuss the details of our LDR, but he seemed uninterested in discussing it. I wanted to try and plan when and how we will communicate (for example, 5 pm everyday on Skype) But he just said, "We'll work it out. I'm not worried." And wouldn't say anything more about it. That left me feeling really insecure and nervous... It's very important to me that we plan how we will go about this. I don't think he realizes just how different a LDR is from a same-city relationship. He thinks that it will just sort of "happen." But does it? I thought it took commitment AND planning to make a LDR work. Was I wrong? Now I'm just left feeling incredibly sad that he's gone, and worried that this LDR is not going to last. How can it, if we can't even discuss how we are going to make it work? The only definite thing he said was that he wants to talk 5 days out of 7 per week.......... Yet we haven't planned how, or when. I haven't felt this awful in a long time.
Angel1111 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Oh, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, hon. I know that pit in the bottom of your stomach feeling and it stinks like nothing else. So how come you didn't move with him? How long have you been dating? And why did he leave anyway? Well, his evasiveness could be about one of two things - either he knows he's going to be talking to you a lot and doesn't want it to be planned out, or he's thinking of dissappearing. What do your instincts tell you?
Author Ashbash11 Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 Thanks, Angel. I can't move out there with him because I just started graduate school here in Boston... My only feasible option would be to transfer to a school out in CA next year.. I'm considering it. Otherwise, I'm in for a 2+ year LDR. He moved out to CA for a job.. It's his "dream job" he says...... We've been dating for 8 months (all of it same city until now) I think my gut tells me that he's planning on talking to me often, so he doesn't feel the need to plan things out. However, I'm the type of person who likes things to be planned out ahead of time. My fear is that once he starts working, and I get busier with school, we won't find the time to talk to each other. But, if we plan it, then we will have a set time every night to talk. Also, it gives you something to look forward to, you know? I'm new to all of the LDR stuff and I'm still feeling really sad. Maybe it just takes time...
fabulousgal Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I'm sorry you feel sad since he left. You need to relax. He wants to be with you he says. Maybe he doesn't want to plan everything out at the moment. Play it by ear for awhile and it will come together - if it doesn't, then you'll know what to do.
i11 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I think my gut tells me that he's planning on talking to me often, so he doesn't feel the need to plan things out. However, I'm the type of person who likes things to be planned out ahead of time. My fear is that once he starts working, and I get busier with school, we won't find the time to talk to each other. But, if we plan it, then we will have a set time every night to talk. Also, it gives you something to look forward to, you know? I'm new to all of the LDR stuff and I'm still feeling really sad. Maybe it just takes time... I do the same thinking about the plan. Actually it takes the plan , the commitment, and also the honest efficient communication to make the LDR work. But sometimes in the real world, i.e. in the new work place, there will be so many undetermined factors, which could easily alter the whole plan. If the plan keeps changing, you wont call it a plan any more, right? As you've mentioned that he seemed uninterested in discussing it, I assume that he is now a little bit distracted by the job thing, and couldn't get prepared for your question. Your SO may just wait for the job settled down in the new place, and then, he could begin to plan the future with you. But for now, since he should be responsible for what he's decided or said(aka commitment), so your expected plan does not come out that easily. So wait patiently, hang out with yourself, look for something interesting to do, and hope for the best.
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