House Husbands

[RecordProducer]

My husband doesn't work because he sold his company after 25 years of operating it. He is still in business as an investor, but works very little and mostly stays at home.

 

Yet, that's quite different from a guy who's unemployed, who's a stay-at-home dad. I wouldn't have anything against it, but I wouldn't find it sexy or attractive. It's just not masculine. It's kinda like a woman dressed like a man with a short hair and no makeup.

[carhill]

So, what if stay-at-home dad manages the family's investment and real estate portfolios and manages the household (including a lot of those "manly" things like what one normally hires contractors for) along with taking care of any kids still at home? Would it more appropriate if a woman does this? Why?

 

This is something we worked on in MC, the assignment of value to the contributions of each spouse to the M

[RecordProducer]

So, what if stay-at-home dad manages the family's investment and real estate portfolios and manages the household (including a lot of those "manly" things like what one normally hires contractors for) along with taking care of any kids still at home? Would it more appropriate if a woman does this? Why?

It's not a matter of appropriateness. If he's at home but makes money, that's cool. If he takes care of the kids, that's cool, too. But if he cooks every day and cleans the house and takes care of three small kids - that's unattractive.

 

No woman vs. man issue here, Carhill. Men aren't attracted to homemakers with little kids either, unless they somehow manage to still be ladies and sex goddesses - which is almost impossible.

[ipetree]

My husband doesn't work because he sold his company after 25 years of operating it. He is still in business as an investor, but works very little and mostly stays at home.

Yet, that's quite different from a guy who's unemployed, who's a stay-at-home dad. I wouldn't have anything against it, but I wouldn't find it sexy or attractive. It's just not masculine. It's kinda like a woman dressed like a man with a short hair and no makeup.

 

Exactly.. This is called being married to a rich man who does not need to work, lol..I feel close to NO WOMEN, in this age of FEMINISM want to support a man.

 

Things would be simpler if we could at least start by being honest about what we want and expect in the opposite sex.

[Walk]

Things would be simpler if we could at least start by being honest about what we want and expect in the opposite sex.

 

You stated earlier that for women who are go-getters

typically men do not want to date them anyway

 

You then criticised women who are not go-getters. You listed examples of types that you feel are using men.

Women who:

1. are taking care children.

2. are providing a service to men

3. use their body to get what they want.

 

I understand what you're talking about when you say some women are abusing the system based solely on their gender. But I really can't fault them for it. If men weren't such penis driven sex oriented animals, then a woman wouldn't be able to flash some boob and have him throw money at her. So who's to fault for the situation? Women who understand that they'll get something by giving men what they want, or Men for losing their brains when the potential for sex comes into play?

 

You can point fingers all you want. Women are evil. Men are victims. Poor Men. But fact of the matter is, a woman providing a service to a man like keeping him company while he pays for everything, or those who are upscale prostitutes, are still putting in effort. You might not agree with how these women support themselves, but these women are giving men something they desire... something men are willing to pay for. If she wasn't giving him what he wanted, then you know to hell he wouldn't be paying for it.

 

The women who aren't qualified and get the higher up job because she slept with the boss won't last long. As soon as the man gets tired of the pussy he'll toss her out. It's how things work.

 

Men have a great deal of things women don't have. Men get heard during important meetings, their opinions are given more weight. Men who accomplish a task are seen as important to the company. Women's tasks are given little to no weight. Men who act strong and in control are seen as powerful, while women who act the same are bitches. Men who are successful earned it, women slept their way to the top. Women who run for high power political offices are asked why they aren't at home with the kids. Men are asked hard questions about their political stance. etc. etc...

 

Woman aren't doing anything wrong. Men aren't victims. Some women learned young that men will toss them money if they flaunt their femininity.

 

Men spout off that women who are sucessful (because they're go getters) aren't relationship material, then these same men cry and complain that the women they date don't want to work.

 

I applaud a woman who can work the system to her benefit. I'd do the same if I had the body and face to make it work. Instead, I have to rely on my brain and my skills... and so I sit at the bottom of the heap at work while my male conterparts take credit for my ideas and my work.

[reservoirdog1]

I was a stay-at-home dad for a year. Our daughter was nearly 2 when it started. XW was making less money than me, but she was part-time and would make more than me if she switched to full time. Also, I was tired of my job and wanted a change. So during that year I wrote the LSAT and applied to law schools. I started law school at the end of that year.

 

I was okay basically being a HH for that year, because I knew that it had a fixed end-date, after which I would be continuing to progress. I wouldn't have wanted to do it if it had been an indefinite thing.

 

For me, it worked out great because I got to really bond with my little girl. We had a great year together. I was front and centre with a lot of the developmental milestones, potty training, etc. Most guys don't get that opportunity.

 

When we decided we were going to do this for a year, I fully expected to meet a lot of resistance from other people when we told them. But there was basically none. I remember going to my boss and giving my notice -- he was a 60-year-old English guy who'd worked in banking all his life and had been in the Royal Navy. If there was one person I expected to hear misgivings from, it was him. But I got the opposite. He said he thought it was great that I was able to do that, that it simply wasn't an option for men when he was my age, and that he'd always felt like he'd missed out on a big chunk of his kids' lives because the only option for men back then was to work.

 

The irony of the whole thing was that the only person who ever expressed to me that they lost respect for me during that year, was the XW. And I found that out about three years later, after law school, when the marriage ended.

 

Looking back, I wouldn't have done that year differently. The time I got to spend with my daughter was irreplaceable. And she and I are very close. I'm glad it was a temporary, fixed-duration thing... but I'm glad I got to do it.

[carhill]

It's not a matter of appropriateness. If he's at home but makes money, that's cool. If he takes care of the kids, that's cool, too. But if he cooks every day and cleans the house and takes care of three small kids - that's unattractive.

 

No woman vs. man issue here, Carhill. Men aren't attracted to homemakers with little kids either, unless they somehow manage to still be ladies and sex goddesses - which is almost impossible.

The man in my example "earns" no income, but merely manages and "earns" the family income by his skills in investing and management. The capital all comes from his high income wife.

 

I'm going somewhere with this but I'm trying to get some perspective on the dynamic first

 

I'd do the same if I had the body and face to make it work. Instead, I have to rely on my brain and my skills... and so I sit at the bottom of the heap at work while my male conterparts take credit for my ideas and my work.

 

Here's a perfect example of a woman who could make an enormous difference in the world. Become your own boss and willingly accept the support and love of an unconventional man who would become your partner on that path. Think outside the box rather than being on the "bottom of the heap"

[Walk]

Here's a perfect example of a woman who could make an enormous difference in the world. Become your own boss and willingly accept the support and love of an unconventional man who would become your partner on that path. Think outside the box rather than being on the "bottom of the heap"

 

Ironically, my H is like the guy you described in your theoretical example Carhill, except for the children aspect. But he does the cooking, shopping, household duties and manages the bills. His job is part time, and for the last few months he's only been working 2 days a week.

 

He can't help me at my job. At least not in a way that is directly involved. But he does make my life a hell of a lot easier and less stressful because of the things he does for us.

 

Personally, I think it's incredibly sexy when a man is confident enough to set aside what others think and fill whatever role is necessary to help his family the most.

 

However, I think a great deal of people are conditioned to believe that the role of the stay at home parent is the sissy way out. Even women believe it is deep down inside. Which is sad. If women actually believed that being a stay at home mom is hard work then there would never be a reason to lose respect for a man who would chose to take on that role. And that leads me to believe that woman actually believe that being a stay at home mom is easy compared to busting butt at work 5 - 6 days a week.

 

Why else would a woman lose respect for a man who would choose to take care of the home while the spouse worked? Unless women already believed that staying at home meant loafing around all day doing nothing.

And if that's the case, then why do these women also proclaim being a SAHM is hard work and a real job.

[LittleDove]

LOL I LOVE this thread... my egox went to this woman, and has become her house boy/babysitter/dependant!!! oh the karma...

 

I think its nice when its a chosen role, not a forced one... when a man relies on a woman to survive, theres going to be issues sooner or later.

 

Although my egox is a lazy azz, he probably enjoys the freedom from responsibility!!!!

(except at 3:00 pm when hes got to drop everything and go pick up her kids!!!)

 

(and its pathetic when he has given up custody of HIS kids- yet looks after and is a step parent to hers)

[sb129]

 

Don't get me wrong. Single parents, those couples who need two incomes-getting a nanny/day care is an obvious necessity. But if one parent can stay home, and you choose to have someone else raise your children??? I don't understand....why even have children??

 

And, I take an opposite view on a SAHD then a lot of you. I say that a man who can and wants to do this is pretty self assured in his masculinity.

 

Don't most 2-income couples "need" two incomes?

 

That's it right there! Any guy who feels emasculated by being a "house husband" must be pretty insecure.

 

My fiance is not insecure at all...at the moment he is not at home by choice, rather his job doesn't start till Feb, and he has to stay at home- and I think that is the main issue with him.

 

I know that he is struggling with the fact that he isn't making a financial contribution to our R at the moment.

We don't have any kids- maybe it would be totally different if we did have kids and he had CHOSEN to stay home and care for them, therefore having more to do during the days when I am at work, I am sure he would then feel like he was making a greater contribution!

 

I definitely don't have anything against SAHDs when there are kids involved. In fact, we have discussed it ourselves and would definitely consider that if/when we have babies.

 

So- in the absence of children, I can understand why my partner feels at loose ends.

 

There is a difference between a SAHD and a house husband if the couple doesn't have children....

[Woggle]

I don't see anything wrong with it but most women will lose respect for a man who is stay at home. Women I think have a much harder time with role reversal than men do.

[andle]

Hey guys, are any of you a "house husband"?

This thread's an interesting read.

 

During her maternity leave my wife and I discussed this very subject. We decided that for our family, one of us was going to be at home to raise our son. Neither of us wanted to hire someone to it for us and we didn't want to burden one of us with more responsibility than was reasonable. The choice meant we'd have to manage with less income and that was okay.

 

She was returning to a company job with health benefits while mine was independent, working from home. We both enjoyed our work but one of us had to give it up. Since mine was independent and taking on a project might be possible, I became a house husband.

 

Nope, lol, no one ever made fun of me, lost respect or questioned my masculinity... not the corporate execs when I brought my son to his mom for 'lunch' nor the moms at the sandbox in the park. And those sandbox discussions were the same fun/serious/enlightening common-interest conversations most any parents have about raising their child.

 

Yeah, a few friends and family were skeptical about it but our decision wasn't for their comfort or benefit, ya know? They got over it.

 

Had an absolutely wonderful time and to this day, years later, I've never regretted that choice.

[clv0116]

Good full time domestic help isn't that difficult to find, as long as they come with good recommendations from people you trust. You can also throw in security cams, so you can watch from work or any meetings you're going to, outside the home.

 

Maybe you can make it even easier and hire someone else to have them for you and install those cameras; that way you really can have it all.

[Neutrino]

Hey guys, are any of you a "house husband"? If not, would you ever agree to being one? Perhaps working part-time, but predominantly being in charge of taking care of the homefront and the children while your wife works and brings home the bacon? What are your thoughts on this?

 

As for the ladies, would you be open to this arrangement? Why, or why not?

 

 

I find acceptable any mutual choice which does not involve crime and is acceptable by both partners, people are entitled to make their individual choices. I hate cleaning and don't find it a priority - during my student years I vacuumed the carpet only when the ceiling started getting too low.... My better half suffers allergies - but this is totally not my fault, he is an obssessive cleaner - which I'm thankful for (but find annoying, somehow like cleaning is more important than having fun together....), I from my side do most of the chores on my list and get rid of everything he decides should go.

 

In a relationship - 2 (or more) people decide to be together but yet have to maintain their individuality - so forget about the stereotypes - happiness is much more important. Oya - and : we have about the same choreload and earn about the same as well - so perfect balance