Green Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Oh, Im not suggesting it, Im flat out saying it. In my ideal fantasy life, my hubby works, and I stay home. I manage the money, anything home related (contractors for repairs, maintenance, etc.), I manage the service people (the pool guy, landscapers...). Of course, I also have time to work out 3 hours a day, so I have a body tighter than a 17-year old gymnast, and time to shop in town for the freshest arugula as I busy myself crafting fabulous gourmet dinners for him and canning my own fresh preserves. But, I also stay current with global events, so I am still sharp and topical. Truly - I would LOVE to be a housewife, a la Donna Reed. This working for a living, being an independent chick, is starting to really blow. I'd like to be the porno version of Martha Stewart. can I come home and beat the crap out of you when I have stressfull day at work?
Jilly Bean Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 can I come home and beat the crap out of you when I have stressfull day at work? Leave it to you to suck the wind out of a great fantasy.
Green Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Leave it to you to suck the wind out of a great fantasy. porno version of martha stewart wasn't that great a phantasy and paybacks a bich I think it was you who started having fun at my expense when ever I posted
Jilly Bean Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 porno version of martha stewart wasn't that great a phantasy and paybacks a bich I think it was you who started having fun at my expense when ever I posted WHAT are you talking about? Are you drinking again?
Sks Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Gender roles are natural and should be accepted instead of fought. I would never take the role of my theoretical future wife and she would never take mine(assuming nothing bad happens). We have different roles, both are important but they are not interchangeable.
Green Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 WHAT are you talking about? Are you drinking again? I hope you fall in love with a guy that ends up being your House Husband
a4a Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I don't think it would work..... being a stay at home H/W bores most people to tears. I couldn't imagine doing nothing outside the home besides cleaning and being a nanny. So I couldn't imagine a man or a woman that would desire this. But I guess they are out there? Ok now lets all share coupons and meet up with the kids at the park
Stockalone Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Hey guys, are any of you a "house husband"? If not, would you ever agree to being one? Perhaps working part-time, but predominantly being in charge of taking care of the homefront and the children while your wife works and brings home the bacon? What are your thoughts on this? Given that I am neither a father nor a husband, this is highly theoretical, but something I have thought about before. The thought of a stranger instead of the parents, being the primary attachment figure (not sure if this is the right term) for a child, is unacceptable to me. I don't care if we could afford the best day care there is. My mom was a SAHM until we kids were old enough to take care of ourselves after returning from school and then my mom started to work part-time. Also, my grandma lived in the same house and she helped taking care of us kids until she suddenly died. So, if I had to choose between becoming a house husband or hiring a nanny/day care for my children, I would become a house husband. Then again, I can't see myself marrying a woman who would seriously consider not becoming a SAHM for the most formative years of the children. What I would have no problem with is sort of a shared stay-at-home time, meaning my wife stays with the kids for the first couple of years and then I work part-time until they are old enough and no longer need parental supervision.
hotgurl Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 my BIL is a house husband and it totally works for them. The kids are thriving. The older one skipped a grade or two is in skating competions and the younger one is winning spelling bees. and competing in gymnastics. he is very plugged into the kids. The arangement happened because he came here from Columbia and had trouble finding decent work. and his wife teaches at Berkly so it just happened daycare was too expensive so he stayed home. Now that the kids are in school he works at a school with troubled youths. at first his MIL hated it and thought he should work but seeing how much it has benefited the kids' she is on board with it.
climbergirl Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Given that I am neither a father nor a husband, this is highly theoretical, but something I have thought about before. The thought of a stranger instead of the parents, being the primary attachment figure (not sure if this is the right term) for a child, is unacceptable to me. I don't care if we could afford the best day care there is. My mom was a SAHM until we kids were old enough to take care of ourselves after returning from school and then my mom started to work part-time. Also, my grandma lived in the same house and she helped taking care of us kids until she suddenly died. So, if I had to choose between becoming a house husband or hiring a nanny/day care for my children, I would become a house husband. Then again, I can't see myself marrying a woman who would seriously consider not becoming a SAHM for the most formative years of the children. What I would have no problem with is sort of a shared stay-at-home time, meaning my wife stays with the kids for the first couple of years and then I work part-time until they are old enough and no longer need parental supervision. I was just about to write something along the same lines of what you posted, SA. I find it unbelievable what has been written about a SAHD-emasculating, unacceptable, etc. However, it seems perfectly OK to leave their infants with a stranger. Don't get me wrong. Single parents, those couples who need two incomes-getting a nanny/day care is an obvious necessity. But if one parent can stay home, and you choose to have someone else raise your children??? I don't understand....why even have children?? And, I take an opposite view on a SAHD then a lot of you. I say that a man who can and wants to do this is pretty self assured in his masculinity.
grogster Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I was never a househusband, but my working wife and I shared parental and household duties. I have no problem doing housework and changing diapers so long as I'm working, and helping to bring home the bacon. For me, working is very much tied up with my sense of myself as a man. To not work, is to be less of a man. One of these days some bright person (other than Freud) will write on the intimate connection between labor, eros and identity.
carhill Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Hmm...... wash dishes, make beds, pay mortgage, repair pool, remodel bathroom, mow lawn, repair roof, rewire garage, install garbage disposal, install water heater, maintain HVAC, make wife dinner and, oh yeah, work in shop to make money. This is how one can be a househusband and be gainfully unemployed Been doing it for decades I find it very efficient to send wifey off to work and commute 150' to my job. It allows me to sit in airports around the world, as I'm doing today, and post witty anecdotes. My wife, OTOH, would rather I had a "real" job and pay various and sundry servants to wash our dishes and feet. Me, I believe in the value of hard work personally done
audrey_1 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 If my husband made enough money, I would definitely consider staying home with the children during their formative years. I'm not sure I could last beyond that, due to my desire to work and make things happen. Staying home would be very difficult for me. I have a desire to succeed professionally, and I like getting dressed for work each day and being out and about. If I stayed home, It would be imperative to keep up an exercise routine and spa treatments to maintain a certain level of appearance/health. I wouldn't want to "get lost" in the children. As far as my H staying home while I worked, I'm not sure how I would feel about that. I probably wouldn't be attracted to a man who would consider this as a possibility, not that I would know it at the time, but if this was revealed as something he'd be willing to do, I think I would be conflicted.
Stung Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 this issue has been talked about in my household recently. it's not the way the pendulum swung; i will be the one staying home when our kid is born next month, but my partner was perfectly open to the idea of being the one to stay with the baby...or at least, he said he was, and i mostly believe him. in our case, we both feel that a parent being the primary caregiver of our baby is preferable to a paid caregiver, at least in the earliest years; i have no real problem with daycare, i went to daycare, but this is what feels better for us. we think the father can serve just as well as the mom, although breastfeeding issues can make that trickier, obviously...but in our case, it wasn't practical: simple economics, he earns significantly more than i. we are lucky in that both our professions afford a good deal of flexibility, however, and he is very supportive. he is taking a few weeks of paternity leave to bond with his son and help my transition, and afterwards plans to schedule one work-from-home day per week, where he will stay with our baby son and also get some important bonding time in with his older daughter, my stepdaughter who lives with us, while i go out into the world and do some volunteer work or something to help maintain my sanity. later, when the kid is weaned and there's a little more flexibility on his caregiver, and i have a better handle on the whole new-mom thing, i hope to be able to start going back to my work part-time from home, to at least keep my ink wet, as it were, get some planning and developing groundwork done on the side; he'll continue to work from home when he can to help facilitate this, and we'll probably coordinate some sitting from the grandmas to help. if some of our personal and professional goals come to fruition in the next handful of years, however, it is entirely possible that this situation will be completely reversed, and he will stay home with the next baby while working on developing something on the side, and i will try to come home regularly and take over a couple of days a week to help him make time for both.
MiniMina Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 My Uncle is a stay-at-home dad. I can't speak for how his relationship is with my aunt, but I have never seen anything that would suggest either of them are discontent. My boyfriend and I have considered this possibility for some future date as well. We are not planning on having kids yet, but we want to eventually and it's a simple fact that my job pays (and probably will continue to pay) more than his. I can't imagine having a problem with this because in my mind, I would prefer not to send my kids to day care if I can avoid it.
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I'm curious about something. All these women posting about their first priority being the children and traditionalism. I question this. Is it traditionalism or is it that you want to be taken care of?
Al_Bundy Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Hey guys, are any of you a "house husband"? If not, would you ever agree to being one? Perhaps working part-time, but predominantly being in charge of taking care of the homefront and the children while your wife works and brings home the bacon? What are your thoughts on this? As for the ladies, would you be open to this arrangement? Why, or why not? Anytime!! I can sit at home, eat bon bons and take naps while Peg is at the store risking her life stuffing fat feet into little shoes. Can I get a whoa Bundy?
Author Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 I'm curious about something. All these women posting about their first priority being the children and traditionalism. I question this. Is it traditionalism or is it that you want to be taken care of? Being the product of a single parent, my first priority would be the child. I would want one parent to stay home with the child. Thing is, in all liklihood, I will be the one making the gross majority of the household income, and thus I wouldn't be the one staying home. I wouldn't be the one being "taken care of." However, neither would he, really. I've never seen it as a "take care of" situation. Each makes a large contribution. One with time, one with cash.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I'm curious about something. All these women posting about their first priority being the children and traditionalism. I question this. Is it traditionalism or is it that you want to be taken care of? I did the SAHM thing for seven years, and ended up feeling all used up. It's a sacrificial job for some, even those who choose to do it. I chose to do it because it made economic sense. I don't like the thought of a pre-verbal child in the care of strangers, sure, but I actually did MATH, and figured out that the $40k I was making at the time would actually turn out to be about $10k in actual income after childcare, gas, licensing, clothing, taxes, phone, etc...all the stuff that I spent money on to work. My H was (at the time) making $20-30k more than me, so we were better off if we cut out my working expenses. Childcare alone for four children would have run us near $18k a year in my area. Even now with F/T care for one, P/T care for two, and one old enough to be home alone for a 1/2 hour after school, we're paying near $12k. I would have stayed home full-time another year if my M hadn't ended up in such a state that I could no longer afford to be dependent. But I always had plans to return to work. I have an independent personality, I like to slay my own beasts, but I'm also quite logical and willing to make the necessary sacrifices for the family I've created.
climbergirl Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I'm curious about something. All these women posting about their first priority being the children and traditionalism. I question this. Is it traditionalism or is it that you want to be taken care of? I suspect that you only question this because you don't have any children. I think until you do it's best to reserve judgement and assumptions until you find yourself handing your 1 month old off to a stranger. You have no idea how that can tear a parent up when they have absolutely no choice in the matter. So I question what type a parent someone is/would be if they are so blaise about doing so when they have a choice. Besides which, I thought we were defending SAHD and have no idea where that falls into 'traditionalism'.
Desperate HH Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 It wasn't bad, until... She started spending a lot of time at the gym - dressing nicer, fancier lingerie, using makeup - then traveling for work - talking about her coworker who was often with her - losing interest in sex with me - getting a diaphragm before a trip - taking "business trips" to exotic places, and making sure I never saw her itineraries or expense reports. Being at home for all that - I think defines emasculation!
Al_Bundy Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 It wasn't bad, until... She started spending a lot of time at the gym - dressing nicer, fancier lingerie, using makeup - then traveling for work - talking about her coworker who was often with her - losing interest in sex with me - getting a diaphragm before a trip - taking "business trips" to exotic places, and making sure I never saw her itineraries or expense reports. Being at home for all that - I think defines emasculation! Hey, whatever gets her out of the house!
angie2443 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 That stuff isn't happening because you're a stay at home dad/husband. It's happening because your wife appears to be a cheater. Wouldn't matter what the dynamics were. Cheaters are cheaters. That's MY opinion. I agree with with this. As for me, I would love a house husband. I could go to work and he could take care of the kids and cook me dinner. I wouldn't feel any more masculine for working outside of the home, I would feel free.
Al_Bundy Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 That stuff isn't happening because you're a stay at home dad/husband. It's happening because your wife appears to be a cheater. Wouldn't matter what the dynamics were. Cheaters are cheaters. That's MY opinion. I'd say if he divorces her he has a great case for alimony and custody of the kids!!
Desperate HH Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 The at-home dad gig was great! Even the cheating I think I could have lived with, after a fashion. But the loss of interest in me "as a man" was emasculating. Perhaps because she saw me differently? As less of a man? And then there was the lying - through years of talks, counseling... Yes, we are going our separate ways. And yes, I will probably do better in the breakup than had I not been the primary caregiver. Small consolation. On the other hand, I am now discovering that more than a few women find me attractive, even sexy! It is a wonderful change.
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