2nd-Best Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 So if any of you have ever read any of my previous posts, you would know that I am in a serious relationship with a alcohol/drug/gambling and porn addict! But I dont want to get into any of that as I already have previously and you could just go read old threads about all of that. SO, this has to do with Flirting and Jealousy. On Saturday night my bf and I went to a friends birthday dinner, and at our table was a girl who was friends with our friend, she was kinda cute.. but really super over sexed and flirty.. some of the guys at the table made comments about the fact that they thought she looked like she was a porn star girl because she looked really trashy, and they also were saying they thought she was a hooker.. thats how over sexed this girl was, she stuck out her chest the WHOLE night and held in her tummy.. by the way she was there with her bf (who was black and which made everyone assume that he was her pimp) lol anyways these guys are idiots but i look over at my bf who is sitting right beside me and he is STARING down this girls shirt for LONG periods of time, and I said to him "Like what you see? you should tell her bf what you think of them" and his reply was "what are you talking about im not doing anything" and i said to him that I was staring at him starting at HER breasts for a good two minutes! anyways, I just let it be and started to try and have fun.... but continually noticing him glancing at her checking her out, So later on in the evening after the girl had left we all went out bowling and drinking and stuff and there were girls in the next lane next to us and my bf was literally STARING at this girls ass AND smiling!!! which ofcourse i said something to him, something like "gawd do you ever stop... you cant keep your ****ing pervy eyes to yourself for one f**king night when you're out with me" or something. After that we all leave and go to a bar, and he starts talkign with his guy friends and they are all talking about ex gfs while im sitting there.. talking is not the right word "B*tching" would be a better one. So I walk away and I go roaming around this bar, (by the way a week ago i told my bf that if he does something to me then im going to do it back... up until it is about cheating then i would just break up with him instead of cheating back.. but i told him if he wants to hurt my feelings then im giong to mirror his actions so he knows how it feels.. so anyways, im walking around and this guy starts talking to me and i introduce myself and like two minutes into the conversation I let the guy know that I had a bf and that he was with me just so i dont waste the dudes time incase he was after me for other reasons then just chatting. So im talkign to him and his friend and we're just laughing and talking about Flight of the Conchords and my bf walks by and i introduce them, later on my bf tells me how mad he is and how i made him jealous and keeps asking me if I gave them my facebook or my phone number, which Ofcourse I didnt!! So the next morning he tells me how mad he is at me for flirting with other guys, I told him that I wasnt flirting and that I was just talking and he had no right to get mad at me because he flirts and checks out girls all of the time. A few weeks ago he promised me not to watch porn anymore, which he followed through on for close to 4 weeks until yesterday when he downloaded it and i caught him ofcourse. I left the house without a word yesterday afternoon after it happened and havent returned since, hes texting me and calling me repeatedly telling me how sorry he is for breaking his promise, which Ive told him that this is a repeat of the same old argument that im sick of having and that if he doesnt want me to flirt and hurt his feelings like that that he better stop doing it to me, because you are not supposed to make the person you love feel like **** and walk over their feelings, I told him Im not goign to take it anymore and If he wants me to love him and only him and not flirt and not look at other men like that then he should have to do the same for me, and I dont give a sh*t about the "He's a MAN" card! because it doesnt work... people are people and we are all capable of controlling our actions. anyways, so thats what happened this weekend.. any thoughts on the matter?
Caitlan Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 QUOTE: "He's a MAN" card! because it doesnt work... people are people and we are all capable of controlling our actions. No.. you are right there.... man or not, you don't ogle someone ... it's rude to the person you're with And the I'm a guy it's what we do is garbage. Since when is respect limited to one gender??????? I haven't read your other posts, but it sounds like your relationship is nightmarish. Why do you want to stay with someone that is disrespecting you and has addictions?
sweet&simple Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Can I ask why you're with this person? Because I think I'm missing the benefits of dating an alcoholic/druggie/gambling & porn addict. Anyway.. I mean this in a non-offensive way, for real.. but.. GROW UP. Seriously.. does this sound mature to you: "anything he does to me, I'm just going to do back/well he did this, so I get to do this to get back at him/etc?" Do you really think that will fix your relationship? Trust me, doing it back to him probably won't "snap him out of it" and make him realize oh hey, I shouldn't be doing this. It's more likely just going to cause MORE drama and MORE issues until you both can't stand each other. You want to work on your relationship? Address the issues that cause him to do this or the issues that make him think it's ok. Don't play games.
onlyicansee Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 I agree that checking out other women and flirting with other women is wrong, especially if you are there with him. That is really rude. But what is wrong with porn? I never get why women are against porn, I mean, we need it.
Author 2nd-Best Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 I stay with him I think because of the person he is capable of being, which is probably wrong.. but he is a good guy and very loving but he slips up sometimes, he will stop doing drugs and all of the other vices for months at a time then goes back at it he blames it on being a "late blooming immature 25yr old" right.. whatever.. but anyways, there are many positives to him and hes getting better as time goes but its annoying still.. and sometimes i get fed up but the truth of the matter is I would probably be more miserable without him for awhile anyways until i got over it. lol
Author 2nd-Best Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 Can I ask why you're with this person? Because I think I'm missing the benefits of dating an alcoholic/druggie/gambling & porn addict. Anyway.. I mean this in a non-offensive way, for real.. but.. GROW UP. Seriously.. does this sound mature to you: "anything he does to me, I'm just going to do back/well he did this, so I get to do this to get back at him/etc?" Do you really think that will fix your relationship? Trust me, doing it back to him probably won't "snap him out of it" and make him realize oh hey, I shouldn't be doing this. It's more likely just going to cause MORE drama and MORE issues until you both can't stand each other. You want to work on your relationship? Address the issues that cause him to do this or the issues that make him think it's ok. Don't play games. actually, it does work with him.. unfortunatley alot of the time with my bf you have to treat him like a child when hes doing soemthing stupid so that he understands what it feels like... and its not something i enjoy doing. If he gave his phone number out to some girl I wouldnt go give mine out to a guy and tell him about it just to piss him off, but what im saying is if I am the gf who sits there only looking at him and never flirting with anyone else and i let him treat me like that hes just going to keep doing it, sometimes you have to show someone that it hurts for them to learn from their mistakes.
Geishawhelk Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Aren't you just the ideal couple? I think it's great that you two are together.... that way, only 2 people are miserable, instead of four! is everything tit-for-tat and if you do it so can I, and jealousy and drug addiction and porn and flirting and mistrust and disrespect? Nice.
Author 2nd-Best Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 hahaha wow that didnt just WREAK of Sarcasm! as you probably know its not that easy to just break up with someone that you are in love with without trying to work through your issues, and sometimes yes you must show them what they are doing is wrong.. I didnt it ONCE to him so he knew how it felt because he was ignoring my feelings and thinking what he was doing was not wrong... now he knows and I told him that I didnt want to have to do that and I wouldnt make him feel that way again and instead I'll just leave him, which is what I did.. we will prob end up making up but atleast he knows now that the next time im not going to take it.
Geishawhelk Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Actually, it's very easy to break up with someone. You just say, "Look, this isn't working. we both have serious issues. I'm going to try counselling to get mine sorted. you try counselling if you want to to get yours sorted. if you do that, then maybe we can get joint counselling to get both of us sorted, if it comes to it. Until then, I think we should cool it, because we are just soooo not right at the moment." The hard thing is to MEAN it.
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