theconfusedone Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Hello everyone, I have been reading through posts here and have decided to post myself…I feel that you guys can help me with this mind rollercoaster if anything. Whoever can bother to read all this I would appreciate it so much and try buy you an ice cream online!! My ex and I had been together for a year, saw eachother for 5 months before we became official as he begged me to be his girlfriend even after we said we wouldn’t see other people. Once I became his girlfriend it was wonderful, throughout the time he took me to meet his entire family even to a different country. I met all his closest friends and they have all told me they like me so much and are happy I am with him. We had a major issue with communication and almost broke up saying we want different things from eachother when we decided to give it another go. I went on holiday for 2 months and everything seemed perfect between us, we missed eachother and things seemed fine. I came back and we spent time together like usual, everything was normal, until one night he came to my house and broke up with me out of the blue. I was in such shock and so hurt, he said he thinks he isn’t in love with me anymore and realized he doesn’t feel the same when I came back, and that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He kept in touch with me and wanted to talk to me, and I spoke to him once. He said it was hard for him as well and that he thinks about me everyday as well. At least I knew I wasn’t alone in this, but why was he feeling this way? The situation now though is that I saw him twice after the breakup and he seems to be sending me mixed signals. He saw me at a concert and stroked my hair and kissed me on the cheeks and forehead (he knows I like this) and was acting sweet. I did not initiate it at all and I was all cold and composed, I was not an emotional wreck anymore and I was glad he saw that. For the past week I am in university and have been partying a lot and he knows that, he also knows guys flirt with me a lot. He then started to ask whom I am with, what I am doing and why I am up so late at night. Finally he was not able to control me or have me all the time and realized I was free to do whatever I wanted. I called him the other day and said I wanted to meet up and talk sine I had things to say and questions to ask. I needed to put my mind to rest. We met up and went for a drink, I felt fine, not even strange. We chatted and as soon as we started talking about other guys he got uncomfortable, agitated and said “Jealousy is a b*&^ch isn’t it, just talking about other guys with you made me lose my appetite.” And I wasn’t even interested about him and other girls, I was acting cool and chilled out, and I did not want him to see I was still weak. Then we went to his house to talk and we spoke for hours and hours about everything and our relationship. I let him know that I realized that I loved him too much and whenever I was insecure in our relationship I would cling to him too much as I always txted him and called and wanted to be with him every single day. This is not who I really am, I guess he fell in love with the free spirited independent girl that I was in the beginning. I told him everything I realized that went wrong and why and how now I know exactly what I want and what we needed for the right balance in the relationship. He then kept telling me all these emotional things and how he misses me just being beside him and other things, and how it has been hard for him as well to adjust. He kept quiet through some things I said that I realized which showed me he was agreeing (e.g. that I was too clingy). Then I took a nap just next to him and as he was sitting with me he leaned and hugged me, lay next to me and started to nap as well. I did not even move but I was surprised he did this. I slept over at his place because my house was far away and it was late. In the morning it felt strange to be there again, felt so familiar but I did not feel bad or like crying. I am so much stronger now. The issue here is, he said he wants to hang out again and that he liked seeing me. Surely someone that is not in love anymore would not hug, kiss, say things like that or want to hang out. When I dumped my other ex I was not in love with him anymore and sure of it and I did not want to se him or call him because I did not care anymore. It seems to me that (as he said as well) he broke up with me because it was the best thing to do for me or us. It seems like he wants to be with me but the relationship was a burden, but now that he sees I have realized what went wrong and that I want to be the girl I was when he met, I am hoping he will want to get back together but I do not want to bring it up or pressure him because it seems he wants me more when he cant have me! And now I think I should take it slow and see what happens, see him and hang out and see how he acts. I just do not know why he is sending me these strong mixed signals. What do you guys think? Should I just move on with my life as if we will not get back together to heal myself, and just see him sometimes and go with the flow and see what happens? I do not want to ask him straight out now because I think it is too soon (3 weeks) and if he did want me out of his life then why would we be going on these “unspoken of” “unnamed” dates which is clearly what they are. If I wait for a while, I would want to get back with him but take it VERY slow and start on a blank slate, because now I know what went wrong and I am not naïve anymore. I would even say to him that we can be in a slow relationship as he wants to focus on his career and I want to focus on myself. Any advice from experience would be great and especially from a guy’s point of view as I am confused to what he is thinking…seems like he does not know what he wants!
SushiX Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Have you thought that maybe he wants to see other people? Did he ever mention this? Maybe he was talking to someone while you went on that holiday and maybe he is waiting to see what happens between him and the other girl. And he doesn't have to be in love with you to hug, kiss and talk to you like that. Maybe he just feels sorry for you or sorry for what he is about to do to you. Sorry but you should investigate this and talk to him. You can tell if someone is talking to someone else. He can't just mysteriously tell you he's not in love with you anymore.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too, and it sounds like he might be messing with you a little bit. Ditch him, dead weight. If he broke up with in the first place...then he is stroking your hair, he sounds like a jerk. That is manipulative and kind of mean. If my ex dumped me, then I saw her and she was being lovey......I would be real pissed.
Author theconfusedone Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 Have you thought that maybe he wants to see other people? Did he ever mention this? Maybe he was talking to someone while you went on that holiday and maybe he is waiting to see what happens between him and the other girl. And he doesn't have to be in love with you to hug, kiss and talk to you like that. Maybe he just feels sorry for you or sorry for what he is about to do to you. Sorry but you should investigate this and talk to him. You can tell if someone is talking to someone else. He can't just mysteriously tell you he's not in love with you anymore. Thanks for the reply! No I know for certain that he did not leave me for another girl. I was so close to him and his life and his friends that I would have known something was up. Besides, I also know he is not the type to do this as his e cheated on him and his heart was broken. He is an honest person that hates lies, and he would never lie to me even just to make it better. He is straight up and says what he means. If he felt sorry for me I think he would not take me to his house and do these things as he knows it would hurt me more. I did ask him if there was something he thought about in the summer or if there is someone else in the picture and he said absolutely not, he is not even interested in other girls even now. And like I said everything was fine for 2 weeks when I was back but then he said he realized he was treating me bad still sometimes (being short with me, shushing me, etc.) and wondered why that is-only to say o himself it must be because he isn't feeling the same for me as he did in the beginning. This is all making me think that this break up was avoidable...if he had only involved me in the decision...but he didnt so thats what it is now. So yes ...no there is no other girl, and if he felt sorry for me he would not act the way he is, because what he is doing is too much. He cannot even tell that I am still hurt and sad because I wont let him see it. I dont even call him. And I asked him if he did some things cos he felt sorry for me because I do not want him to do that, and he said no-he wants to keep in touch with me cos he cares a lot about me and im a special person in his life.
Author theconfusedone Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too, and it sounds like he might be messing with you a little bit. Ditch him, dead weight. If he broke up with in the first place...then he is stroking your hair, he sounds like a jerk. That is manipulative and kind of mean. If my ex dumped me, then I saw her and she was being lovey......I would be real pissed. Haha thats exactly what my friend said....he wants his cake and to eat it too. Its like he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me but wants to HAVE me there on a platter if he pleases. I dont even think he realizes some of the things I see he is doing. He is 23 but he is so immature...such a boy, doesnt know what he wants. right?
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