theconfusedone Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Hello everyone, I have been reading through posts here and have decided to post myself…I feel that you guys can help me with this mind rollercoaster if anything. Whoever can bother to read all this I would appreciate it so much and try buy you an ice cream online!! My ex and I had been together for a year, saw eachother for 5 months before we became official as he begged me to be his girlfriend even after we said we wouldn’t see other people. Once I became his girlfriend it was wonderful, throughout the time he took me to meet his entire family even to a different country. I met all his closest friends and they have all told me they like me so much and are happy I am with him. We had a major issue with communication and almost broke up saying we want different things from eachother when we decided to give it another go. I went on holiday for 2 months and everything seemed perfect between us, we missed eachother and things seemed fine. I came back and we spent time together like usual, everything was normal, until one night he came to my house and broke up with me out of the blue. I was in such shock and so hurt, he said he thinks he isn’t in love with me anymore and realized he doesn’t feel the same when I came back, and that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He kept in touch with me and wanted to talk to me, and I spoke to him once. He said it was hard for him as well and that he thinks about me everyday as well. At least I knew I wasn’t alone in this, but why was he feeling this way? The situation now though is that I saw him twice after the breakup and he seems to be sending me mixed signals. He saw me at a concert and stroked my hair and kissed me on the cheeks and forehead (he knows I like this) and was acting sweet. I did not initiate it at all and I was all cold and composed, I was not an emotional wreck anymore and I was glad he saw that. For the past week I am in university and have been partying a lot and he knows that, he also knows guys flirt with me a lot. He then started to ask whom I am with, what I am doing and why I am up so late at night. Finally he was not able to control me or have me all the time and realized I was free to do whatever I wanted. I called him the other day and said I wanted to meet up and talk sine I had things to say and questions to ask. I needed to put my mind to rest. We met up and went for a drink, I felt fine, not even strange. We chatted and as soon as we started talking about other guys he got uncomfortable, agitated and said “Jealousy is a b*&^ch isn’t it, just talking about other guys with you made me lose my appetite.” And I wasn’t even interested about him and other girls, I was acting cool and chilled out, and I did not want him to see I was still weak. Then we went to his house to talk and we spoke for hours and hours about everything and our relationship. I let him know that I realized that I loved him too much and whenever I was insecure in our relationship I would cling to him too much as I always txted him and called and wanted to be with him every single day. This is not who I really am, I guess he fell in love with the free spirited independent girl that I was in the beginning. I told him everything I realized that went wrong and why and how now I know exactly what I want and what we needed for the right balance in the relationship. He then kept telling me all these emotional things and how he misses me just being beside him and other things, and how it has been hard for him as well to adjust. He kept quiet through some things I said that I realized which showed me he was agreeing (e.g. that I was too clingy). Then I took a nap just next to him and as he was sitting with me he leaned and hugged me, lay next to me and started to nap as well. I did not even move but I was surprised he did this. I slept over at his place because my house was far away and it was late. In the morning it felt strange to be there again, felt so familiar but I did not feel bad or like crying. I am so much stronger now. The issue here is, he said he wants to hang out again and that he liked seeing me. Surely someone that is not in love anymore would not hug, kiss, say things like that or want to hang out. When I dumped my other ex I was not in love with him anymore and sure of it and I did not want to se him or call him because I did not care anymore. It seems to me that (as he said as well) he broke up with me because it was the best thing to do for me or us. It seems like he wants to be with me but the relationship was a burden, but now that he sees I have realized what went wrong and that I want to be the girl I was when he met, I am hoping he will want to get back together but I do not want to bring it up or pressure him because it seems he wants me more when he cant have me! And now I think I should take it slow and see what happens, see him and hang out and see how he acts. I just do not know why he is sending me these strong mixed signals. What do you guys think? Should I just move on with my life as if we will not get back together to heal myself, and just see him sometimes and go with the flow and see what happens? I do not want to ask him straight out now because I think it is too soon (3 weeks) and if he did want me out of his life then why would we be going on these “unspoken of” “unnamed” dates which is clearly what they are. If I wait for a while, I would want to get back with him but take it VERY slow and start on a blank slate, because now I know what went wrong and I am not naïve anymore. I would even say to him that we can be in a slow relationship as he wants to focus on his career and I want to focus on myself. Any advice from experience would be great and especially from a guy’s point of view as I am confused to what he is thinking…seems like he does not know what he wants!
UnamedSeven Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Hello everyone, I have been reading through posts here and have decided to post myself…I feel that you guys can help me with this mind rollercoaster if anything. Whoever can bother to read all this I would appreciate it so much and try buy you an ice cream online!! My ex and I had been together for a year, saw eachother for 5 months before we became official as he begged me to be his girlfriend even after we said we wouldn’t see other people. Once I became his girlfriend it was wonderful, throughout the time he took me to meet his entire family even to a different country. I met all his closest friends and they have all told me they like me so much and are happy I am with him. We had a major issue with communication and almost broke up saying we want different things from eachother when we decided to give it another go. I went on holiday for 2 months and everything seemed perfect between us, we missed eachother and things seemed fine. I came back and we spent time together like usual, everything was normal, until one night he came to my house and broke up with me out of the blue. I was in such shock and so hurt, he said he thinks he isn’t in love with me anymore and realized he doesn’t feel the same when I came back, and that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He kept in touch with me and wanted to talk to me, and I spoke to him once. He said it was hard for him as well and that he thinks about me everyday as well. At least I knew I wasn’t alone in this, but why was he feeling this way? The situation now though is that I saw him twice after the breakup and he seems to be sending me mixed signals. He saw me at a concert and stroked my hair and kissed me on the cheeks and forehead (he knows I like this) and was acting sweet. I did not initiate it at all and I was all cold and composed, I was not an emotional wreck anymore and I was glad he saw that. For the past week I am in university and have been partying a lot and he knows that, he also knows guys flirt with me a lot. He then started to ask whom I am with, what I am doing and why I am up so late at night. Finally he was not able to control me or have me all the time and realized I was free to do whatever I wanted. I called him the other day and said I wanted to meet up and talk sine I had things to say and questions to ask. I needed to put my mind to rest. We met up and went for a drink, I felt fine, not even strange. We chatted and as soon as we started talking about other guys he got uncomfortable, agitated and said “Jealousy is a b*&^ch isn’t it, just talking about other guys with you made me lose my appetite.” And I wasn’t even interested about him and other girls, I was acting cool and chilled out, and I did not want him to see I was still weak. Then we went to his house to talk and we spoke for hours and hours about everything and our relationship. I let him know that I realized that I loved him too much and whenever I was insecure in our relationship I would cling to him too much as I always txted him and called and wanted to be with him every single day. This is not who I really am, I guess he fell in love with the free spirited independent girl that I was in the beginning. I told him everything I realized that went wrong and why and how now I know exactly what I want and what we needed for the right balance in the relationship. He then kept telling me all these emotional things and how he misses me just being beside him and other things, and how it has been hard for him as well to adjust. He kept quiet through some things I said that I realized which showed me he was agreeing (e.g. that I was too clingy). Then I took a nap just next to him and as he was sitting with me he leaned and hugged me, lay next to me and started to nap as well. I did not even move but I was surprised he did this. I slept over at his place because my house was far away and it was late. In the morning it felt strange to be there again, felt so familiar but I did not feel bad or like crying. I am so much stronger now. The issue here is, he said he wants to hang out again and that he liked seeing me. Surely someone that is not in love anymore would not hug, kiss, say things like that or want to hang out. When I dumped my other ex I was not in love with him anymore and sure of it and I did not want to se him or call him because I did not care anymore. It seems to me that (as he said as well) he broke up with me because it was the best thing to do for me or us. It seems like he wants to be with me but the relationship was a burden, but now that he sees I have realized what went wrong and that I want to be the girl I was when he met, I am hoping he will want to get back together but I do not want to bring it up or pressure him because it seems he wants me more when he cant have me! And now I think I should take it slow and see what happens, see him and hang out and see how he acts. I just do not know why he is sending me these strong mixed signals. What do you guys think? Should I just move on with my life as if we will not get back together to heal myself, and just see him sometimes and go with the flow and see what happens? I do not want to ask him straight out now because I think it is too soon (3 weeks) and if he did want me out of his life then why would we be going on these “unspoken of” “unnamed” dates which is clearly what they are. If I wait for a while, I would want to get back with him but take it VERY slow and start on a blank slate, because now I know what went wrong and I am not naïve anymore. I would even say to him that we can be in a slow relationship as he wants to focus on his career and I want to focus on myself. Any advice from experience would be great and especially from a guy’s point of view as I am confused to what he is thinking…seems like he does not know what he wants! Hey. That took me about 15 minutes to read, but i was able to do it haha. Anyway, it seemed that in the beginning, he did not want to get into anything that could cause you or him pain. So, when he broke up out of the blue, it would be out of love and not because he wanted to leave you. Especially from what it sounds like, im positive that he wants to have something more with you in the future and would enjoy starting over with you. I know how you said that you don't want to ask him, but you may want to bring it up, when you feel ready. Any questions, i am here to help.
Author theconfusedone Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Hey. That took me about 15 minutes to read, but i was able to do it haha. Anyway, it seemed that in the beginning, he did not want to get into anything that could cause you or him pain. So, when he broke up out of the blue, it would be out of love and not because he wanted to leave you. Especially from what it sounds like, im positive that he wants to have something more with you in the future and would enjoy starting over with you. I know how you said that you don't want to ask him, but you may want to bring it up, when you feel ready. Any questions, i am here to help. hmm what do you mean in the beginning? where? and yes i do think i will wait a little bit until im ready and i think hes got his life in order to ask him to start over...its just the fear of getting rejected again. thanks so much for reading, i know its very long! do you maybe have a facebook account or msn where we can chat?
Author theconfusedone Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 p.s. he called me last night out of the blue for the first time, and just chatted to me asking what im doing, and when i said cooking, he asked "who for?"..thought that was funny! and the entire time i thought he wanted something from me cos he called...but turned out he just wanted to chat...i dont txt him or call anymore so its nice to know hes thinking about me
UnamedSeven Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 p.s. he called me last night out of the blue for the first time, and just chatted to me asking what im doing, and when i said cooking, he asked "who for?"..thought that was funny! and the entire time i thought he wanted something from me cos he called...but turned out he just wanted to chat...i dont txt him or call anymore so its nice to know hes thinking about me Yeah. He may have just called to just see how you have been. I have a hunch that he might be trying to get something going between the him and you but maybe not for a long time? idk. P.S. i do have an AIM account that i go on a lot. And an AOL screename, if that helps. Reply to this if you want it:D
Author theconfusedone Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 yes can i plz add u on my aim? i dont know what mine is :s i never use it...if you dont want to write it here you can email it to me on [email protected] thanks
UnamedSeven Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I just sent you my aim through the email that you put. I'm not sure when you will get it, but probably soon!
UnamedSeven Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Oh and i was wondering if you would be able to help me out with this thing thats going on right now in my life. Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t166627/ If you are able to help in any way at all, it would be very appreciated. Thanks. It means a lot.
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