Jilly Bean Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 He's probably mad at himself for his behavior and is projecting it on you. OR, he is truly, truly disturbed and you have only seen the tip of the iceberg. Are you moving out, or is he?
Trialbyfire Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Where's the player element? What you've mentioned in your opening post is a violent, abusive man who can't hold his alcohol and has a penchant to externally validate by cheating.
Author RealisticOptimist Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 We haven't spoken yet. He will be home in an hour. But it is my house and we agreed when he moved in that at the end of the day it is my place and if it didn't work out he would be the one to move out.
Author RealisticOptimist Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 Where's the player element? What you've mentioned in your opening post is a violent, abusive man who can't hold his alcohol and has a penchant to externally validate by cheating. Funny thing is that he has said from the beginning that he has never cheated on a woman in his life. That is something he just would just never do. He makes it out that he had been with lots of women- but only when single. Should I even mention that I saw that text? I really don't feel like talking about anything with him tonight because I feel like I may be gaining strength to ask him to leave, but if we talk and he says what I need to hear I may buckle.
underpants Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I am just so dumbfounded. What the hell happened? How is it that he seems like 2 different people? The family oriented guy and the player. Are there no fronts on which I should be willing to forgive him? I really want to, but if there aren't then I will be ending it. My question to you is why do you feel the need to forgive him so easily and soon? I would be so mad. I would have woken up at 6 am with trumpets blaring and pots and pans banging, all of his stuff in the yard and a big sign that said "yard sale". Or at least I would have entertained the idea with much amusement. His behavior, especially in a budding relationship is a big flag. Heed it and be discerning. Has he displayed destructive drunk behavior in the past, before you? The texting another girl...errrrgh. Someone else touched on the drunk thing. I have served alot of drunk people and even been one myself a few times. The ones that have a violent, destructive streak are extremely scary and unpredictable. I think it is pretty uncool the way he went after his keys when you tried to look after his safety, and was even honest about it. Dude? He is avoiding the issue because he knows he screwed up. He probably knows this because he has screwed up at some point before. That might explain the lax attitude the next day. I would think most people would be very sorry for trashing a house, scaring their partner and texting lewd drunk messages to another person. I think you would really be upset if you forgave him and in another month or 3, he did something similiar or worse. Just ask him for some time apart and think about things. He suggested leaving so tell him you agree and that some time apart would be good. That is only fair. His reaction and any stemming behavior from that request might open your eyes further. From what you describe I would bet you would get a drunk text at some point if you were to cool it for a bit. Be careful and good luck.
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Don't buckle. This isn't just one drunken bad night. Keep looking at all the things he did. Let me relist them: Shaved his entire body, cutting himself in the process.Destroyed the computer.Threw a fit when he found out you were hiding his things by yelling and screaming at you.Punched out the door to the point it was cracked.Raged out the door.Came back hours later to tell you he's moving out.Wakes up in the morning still angry, blaming it on you and doesn't want to talk about it.To top it off, he text messages someone last night, to get the number for someone to cheat with.There's no remorse here. There's nothing but violent abuse.
Jilly Bean Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Don't buckle. This isn't just one drunken bad night. Keep looking at all the things he did. Let me relist them:Shaved his entire body, cutting himself in the process.Destroyed the computer.Threw a fit when he found out you were hiding his things by yelling and screaming at you.Punched out the door to the point it was cracked.Raged out the door.Came back hours later to tell you he's moving out.Wakes up in the morning still angry, blaming it on you and doesn't want to talk about it.To top it off, he text messages someone last night, to get the number for someone to cheat with.There's no remorse here. There's nothing but violent abuse. Actually, seeing it itemized like this, makes me think of that scene in THE WALL when Pink shaves himself, cuts himself, and then trashes the hotel room. Life imitating art...
Author RealisticOptimist Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 well the shaving bit isn't all that strange. He is a groomer. He has been talking about how he needed to trim himself up for the last week but hasn't had time.
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Don't buckle. This isn't just one drunken bad night. Keep looking at all the things he did. Let me relist them:Destroyed the computer.Threw a fit when he found out you were hiding his things by yelling and screaming at you.Punched out the door to the point it was cracked.Raged out the door.Came back hours later to tell you he's moving out.Wakes up in the morning still angry, blaming it on you and doesn't want to talk about it.To top it off, he text messages someone last night, to get the number for someone to cheat with.There's no remorse here. There's nothing but violent abuse. Amended. The list isn't much shorter, is it? Does this make you want to buckle?
Jilly Bean Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 well the shaving bit isn't all that strange. He is a groomer. He has been talking about how he needed to trim himself up for the last week but hasn't had time. Its indeed strange when it is couched in a drunken tirade while on all fours in the shower speaking Spanish.
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Its indeed strange when it is couched in a drunken tirade while on all fours in the shower speaking Spanish. Good point...
Author RealisticOptimist Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 Good point... True... maybe he was reciting the prayer for serenity? just kidding
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 True... maybe he was reciting the prayer for serenity? just kidding Did it start like this? Dios me concede la serenidad para aceptar las cosas que no puedo cambiar, valor de cambiar las cosas puedo, y la sabiduría para saber la diferencia.
Author RealisticOptimist Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 I have no idea... but thanks
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Good luck for tonight. Don't buckle. This guy isn't worth it.
Lucky_One Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I would suggest that you have a friend there with you when you ask him to leave, as well. At the VERY minimum, have your cell phone in your pocket at all times, and have 911 programmed in as a speed dial.
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