tanabanana92207 Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 A quick update on my situation: Things had stalled for a little while after the A was found out by his W -- they both went to see lawyers to see where they stood, but for about a month, there was no movement. In the last week, things have started to heat up. She is under the impression that as the BS, she will get everything and he will be left with nothing. That is not the case where we live. After having spoken to her lawyer, she was told that she was entitled to 50% of the marital assets (house, bank account, etc...) and a portion of his pension and annuity accrued during the marriage. Once she found this out, she took a step back as things weren't going to happen quite as she had believed. In the interim, MM consulted a lawyer of his own who has since made contact with her lawyer and begun financial negotiations. MM has found out that W lied to her lawyer about a host of issues and it has been found out that she has squirreled away approximately $75,000 over the past 4 yrs (before th A started). He has offered her 100% of the house and annuity on the condition that she gives up all rights to his pension. Though he loses financially this way, he prefers it this way rather than being financially tied to her after he retires. He has also offered her alimony for 5 yrs. He moved into his own apartment this past weekend. Though it's too soon to tell, he doesn't seem to be grieving the end of his marriage. He says that his marriage ended 4 yrs. ago and he did his grieving then. My concern is my exH. Our divorce was final about 2 months ago and he does not know about me and MM. He is not going to take it well. Right now, our relationship is amicable but that will change the minute he finds out about MM. ExH has repeatedly stated that I am his and always will be and he doesn't like the idea of anyone else near me. I am, understandably, hesitant about letting him know that I am seeing someone else - especially considering the fact that MM is someone he used to work with. For those who have been in similar situations, how have you dealt with the ex' finding about your new relationship? I had been waiting to tell him until things were solidified with MM and I was thinking that would take at least a year -- but, MM and W are divorcing on the grounds of no sex for at least one year, so things are happening alot quicker than I thought they would. I think it would be better for exH to find out directly from me rather than by accident but I just don't know. Sorry this post is so long but am really in need of advice. Thanx all.
DealingWDrama Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Why is it your exH's business who you are with...your divorced - your life is not his business, period.
Author tanabanana92207 Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 In a perfect world, my exH wouldn't care that I'm seeing someone else. However, I know that he is not going to take it well. He has already told me that he won't be able to "deal" seeing me with someone else. I am "his" regardless of the fact that we are divorced. He just hasn't been able to let go -- I think this stems from the fact that he never thought I would ever leave him. After having put up with his sh** for 18 yrs, he figured I would always be there, ready..willing..and able to pick up the pieces. I guess he figured that I had become accustomed to his stupidity and that I wouldn't be able to find the strength to leave. I know that he is going to have a hard time with this. Especially because, as I mentioned before, he used to work with the person I'm seeing. And my new relationship is quite serious....heading towards marriage after the dust settles from our respective divorces and we get to know each other as single people. I guess I was wondering if anyone has ever had to deal with a stubborn ex-spouse who refuses to let go.
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