adover Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Hey all, thought I'd post a message in this place cos i'm running out of places to turn to!! Basically the tale is this, I've been with my girl for about 9 months now and we've had quite a rocky relationship, we argue quite a lot but we do really love each other and can't let each other go. Recently things have been getting to breaking point though and I think it's due to my insecurity and thinking too much about what's going on. A couple of weeks back in my eyes we were fine, all over eachother (i like a lot of attention), really loved up with the i love yous coming all the time, but recently due to work and stuff she's got really stressed about stuff and has come across seemingly withdrawn from us. She rarely makes any moves to hug or kiss me and she i usually too tired for sex (I have a high sex drive like most blokes) so we only end up having it once a week or twice if we're lucky (or she gets drunk). The thing is it's really starting to grate on me and depress me how she can be distant like not wanting to cuddle up all the time, not wanting me to kiss her so much etc and it's made me insecure about the relationship, I'm questionning why she doesnt move to kiss me, why she doesn't start much conversation, why I always have to initiate everything and it's causing arguments, every time i bring it up she just flips and says "im going on at her and starting to pi** her off" when I feel I'm just conveying my feelings. Nothing ever seems to get resolved as she either reacts like that or just walks off and ignores me. It's all different when she's drunk though, she's all over me and wants sex etc, but because she acts so aloof when she's sober I come across all eggy because I'm thinking "hey, why cant she be like that when she's sober!" It's got to the point where I think we need to decide what's best for us, it's getting me down constantly nagging her for some sort of interaction and to be the way we were when we were good, and she's getting sick of me raising the issue, i'm not sure where to turn, i don't wanna end it with her and i think she feels the same but it feels as if we're just going nowhere fast edit: added to that due to me constantly saying how i dont think she's giving enough of this or enough of that or putting enough effort in any more that's causing aggro, as she thinks a) I'm only after sex, which I'm not and b) that I think she's not good enough for me, which is also untrue!! I know it's probably me being insecure but any advice on that and maybe how to deal with my insecurity (ignoring the way she is (even though that seems like bottling thingsup)) woul be helpful
4dviceJunki3 Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Relationships, just like the economy, has its ups and downs. If she's going through a stressful period right now and she's trying not to lose focus, you should respect that and just give her some time to deal with the stress. Trust me brother, I'm exactly like you. I want that attention and I'm very sentimental and touchy myself but not for the wrong reasons. I like to cuddle myself and love to give my gf (not that I have one right now) kisses here and there and just express my love for her; HOWEVER, you need to realize that if all of a sudden she doesn't act this way towards you, and it's because she got a new stressful job or what not, you just back off a bit and let there be room for the steam. Insecurity is one of the worst things in relationships; I would say main driving factor of break-ups. YOU personally need to not lose focus on your relationship and don't assume things. The second you insecurity kicks in and you become paranoid and start questioning yourself whether she's cheating on you and what not, you go psychotic and jump to conclusions; that'll end you're relationship in a heartbeat. I would say to just simply back off a bit, don't be how you were before with her and she'll soon realize that and change. You have to realize something. When you're in a relationship, regardless of how long you're with this person, both of you are constantly changing and adapting to one anothers personal needs and traits. So just roll with the punches for now and I'm sure it'll all turn up fine in due time.
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