Atlas Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 So this might get long... so brace yourself. First off - I'm a pretty smart guy when it comes to women, i've been around the block a few times, so when I get perplexed, I really get perplexed... So heres the deal...(for you ladies..and maybe guys...the short cut would be if you've seen Made of Honor- its almost like that but no one is getting married...well...). Basically I've realized I have feelings for this girl who's been my friend for the last 5 years, but I also have a girlfriend. I'm 5 months into my relationship, and after the first "honeymoon" month, I realized that my gf is bi-polar. (My dad was bipolar so I have learned tall-tell signs). It took the last 4 months to convince my gf that, and she finally went in and was diagnosed with it. She's now on treatment for bipolar and mood depression. This doesn't bother me that much. My dad was severe, and her mild case is nothing to concern me. It does cause some stress, but I understand it so well. However, over the course of things I've become more of a doctor/therapist for her than a boyfriend it seems. I've spent the last few months focusing so much on helping her, I don't care for her the same way i used to. If I ended the relationship with my gf, and she didn't want to stay friends, I'd regret it. I care much for her, but its shifting slowly every day from romance to more of a big brother thing. I want her to be stable and be mentally well. My friend is a girl who i've always shared a connection with. The two of us have never dated, but she always speaks so highly of me, and insists that I meet her "boy toys" as she calls them, and I vice-versa. We've seen each other with different people over the years, and while each other's sig. others have come and gone, we've always been close friends. Shes incredibly attractive, (and so is my current gf) and we share 90% of our interests. I feel that there is more than a "bff" connection though. We share songs, talk forever, go to dinners, party together, etc.. We talk every day, if even just a few short meaningless text msgs. She's kissed me before, but only at times where a kiss is appropriate (such as new years, although she went in 2 times consecutively). She has spoken that she would like to go to Europe with me- but to be fair she said she wouldn't want to go with a boyfriend, just me. (not sure what that means...) She informs me of all her intimate details with her relationships, same as I with her. She constantly invites me to events, both with and without her boyfriends. All and all, its like the interest is there, just never spoken. This is a girl i would love to have in my life, and I'm almost to scared to make a move because if it ended poorly, I would regret it. But at the same time, I could marry her so easily I feel, and I really don't want her to find some one else and get married, and then that would probably be the end of us hanging out. Now I'm perplexed, she thinks my gf is far too unstable and is pushing me very hard to break up. I'm not sure if its just that she's my friend and wants me to be happy, or if she has ulterior motives. Shes never acted like this before... I don't know what to do. The thing about me is that I'm so strong, that I hate giving up on relationships, I don't want to give up mine yet - my gf is so sweet when shes not episodal. And she's so fun, and we share so many interests, and I understand her weaknesses - probably better than anyone. I don't love her though, and I've told her that so she understands that I'm not at that level. She does love me, and told me that if we did break up she'd cut away completely and that she wouldn't want to be friends. As someone who cares about her, this is very hard for me to hear. In all brutal honesty, in an ideal world, I would marry my friend (not soon, but I use that word so people understand I care for her very much). But I'm so afraid that something could go awry and that I'd lose her forever. Meanwhile, I'd love to be a "brother" to my gf. If that makes sense - the girl needs a strong person in her life who will look out for her. Her own brother is a piece of trash, and her father is clueless. She's had a string of bad relationships, and I couldn't stand to not help her. Perplexed...I'll take advice. Thanks guys!
DunnoWhat Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 You're not responsible for your GF's health. It's bad of your GF to put that pressure on you to stay. Test your friend and see how she feels. It sounds like she likes you but could be afraid of rejection too. Just hang out more with her and see how she reacts. If you both get on really well togethar then why not be togethar.
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