Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 Was it Coaster Chris, by chance? Sweet - you can meet great guys and dirtbags anywhere. Good and bad men exist online, in clubs, at the post office. Dating is a numbers game...Yes it was. I just finish how I am sick of guys just wanting sex, I get a message here wanting phone sex. Hello! What did I just say! I meet guys anywhere, but they all end up being on the bad side. They come to me (of course I can accept or not) and they seem line he good at first, but then show true colours. I guess the numbers aren't in my favor. Toronto is a big city, so to paint it so badly isn't practical because of a string of deadbeats. I think you need to figure the common denominator in all of this, and you may have your answer. I think it may have more to do with where you are meeting these people. All this online banter just sets the stage for no hangups sex, some guys trying to be more cunning than others to get the endgame... Anyways the whole medical info exchange was to validate his green light to get in your pants. Why else would someone be so quick to know such things, actually overstepping bounds in such a question. Respectful behavior would have not ended up in a date in such a fashion, let alone knowing your grandmother was in the hospital and how you felt that night. Maybe changing dating tactics is the best thing you could possibly do for yourself.Not saying it's Toronto, only been downtown for a year, but had the same problems in Markham and my ex from from New Brusnwick. (met him in NB) As I have said there isn't one place that I have met these type of guys, on the bus, online, friends, street and so on. I didn't see the medical exchange at a ref flag because he is in the medical field, he has patients who don't share their stats with their partners which make it important to him. Also he said before being in a relationship, not being just having sex, which lead be to believe he wasn't talking about sex before the confirmation of relationship. So that is why I wasn't expecting him to act the way he did. Well, I don't know, we often find what we expect to find. I went on a bunch of online dates last summer, and not one guy behaved in the way you described. One who was too touchy feely in a more mushy way was immediately sent packing. So maybe your attraction to give gave him that green light--who knows. That might be all it takes for him to pounce. The guy I'm now dating exclusively came out of that batch of dates, and we went out at least 7 or 8 times before he got that grabby, and that was when he got the green light from me. I don't know. I used to exude this come-and-get-me aura when I was physically attracted to someone, but I seem to have turned that down volume-wise, so I am treated differently, which suits me fine. If you're exchaning dates of std tests, you are talking about having sex, and sex is as much of a relationship as anything else--it's just fleeting. Not appropriate dialogue with someone you've never met, or who you are on a first date with. So, not all guys are like that, but maybe you're unconsciously attracted to the pushy types (the last one was also pushy, though in a different way). Look at who you are accepting dates with, and then maybe try someone different from that so you might have a different experience. But definitely, we get what we expect, so stop expecting the worst of people. I'm not saying all guys acted exactly like this guy but still had only sex in mind, weren't respectful, honest or the opposite want an instand GF from that date on. As I said since he is in the medical field and sees first hand what happens when partners don't exchange that info. So he wanted to know I would be willing to exchange, didn't want that info now. So with knowing that I did see is appropriate. The reason why I was so dissappoined was because I was expecting the opposite, I actually thought he was one of the good ones because what I knew about him up to the point was great. Looking for the same things in a partner, looking for a relationship, some similar likes in activities and both thought each other were cute. So I was expecting to find a good one. I keep giving the next guy a chance because I think this one may be different so I give it a chance. But then he isn't.
Capricciosa Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Sorry Sweet, but to quote a line from Sex and the City, the one thing they all have in common is you. So you really have to take a minute to look at yourself if this "bad luck" is a recurring theme.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 Sorry Sweet, but to quote a line from Sex and the City, the one thing they all have in common is you. So you really have to take a minute to look at yourself if this "bad luck" is a recurring theme. Loved the show but also isn't reality. But yes the thing that is the same is that I keep accepting dates (different ages, types, race and places) I don't talk about sex before hand, don't dress slutty, or lead anyone on. Cross between Carrie and Charlotte and definitely not Samantha! Am very straight forward about that I am looking for, dating to with relationship potential. So if that is screaming I want you to use me for sex well, what can I do then?
joshaz Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Guys your not helping me believe that there are guys that aren't like this out there. Today I got a private message here on LS from a guy asking if I would be his phone sex friend! Hahahaha! Wait... Isn't it ironic
RecordProducer Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 So your saying that I gave him the green light to act this way? I don't think there is any excuse to act this way. No matter how I act or dress. That's like saying someone dressed like a slut is asking for being unwontedly touched or raped. There is no way that it was anything that I did or didn't do that make it ok for him to grab my breast. For your info I was dressed appropriately, acted like a lady, shut him down when he started acting that way, but it didn't matter. If a man doesn't have respect for a woman it doesn't matter. I don't feel like a slut or bad about it at all. But I am appalled by your response.Hm.. I think you got my response the wrong way. He is definitely a jerk and it's not your responsibility that he touched you inappropriately. I am just saying that it can be prevented. You are the one who ends up feeling bad at the end. If you knew that wearing minimal clothes increased your chance of being raped, would you wear them? You kissed a guy you didn't know well. It's socially acceptable, but did you really feel like kissing a guy you just met a couple hours before that? The guy who asked you for a permission to kiss you is no less of a jerk - he is just a smarter player. How did his hand end up in your shirt or pants anyway? Please don't see this as criticism. I know women, I know how women can be reluctant to say NO and how easy it is to go with the flow. And men take advantage of it. While you're thinking how good he is on paper, he's thinking how good you'd be in bed. You give a lion a piece of ham and wonder why he bit off your entire hand. Because your hand is also food for him. A guy doesn't kiss you because he sees you as relationship material, he kisses you because it leads to sex - sooner. If you told him to stop when he put his hand in your shirt, then it was molesting and you may report him. I am just telling you for the future. Say goodbye outside the car, in the street or parking lot and keep the kiss dry. Just my two cents. How is your grandmother doing? Did the surgery go well?
RecordProducer Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Cross between Carrie and Charlotte and definitely not Samantha! I didn't read this before. THAT exactly is the type that dves men crazy (sexually). You're cute and sweet, so you seem naive; they feel they can get away with it. And you ARE naive, because you let things happen and then they bother you later. You have to grow some slef-confidence and beprepared to push them away and say NO. I also agree with the poster who said that you might be drawn to men who are jerks.
torranceshipman Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Omg record producer...I dont mind some of your later posts but saying did she dress like a slut or whatever/that she needed to make sure that wasnt how she was dressing? Come on, what century is this! Clearly the girl in this post is nothing like that and the date in question just sounded like a sad freakish loser! Blame it on him, not her!! I've been on dates when I had a big sweater and jeans and was friendly but in no way giving the big green light and the guy still wanted to go in for the kill! I think some men just register that you're female and thats about all they need to get waaaay too excited it wasnt a sexy sweater either!!
grogster Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Guys your not helping me believe that there are guys that aren't like this out there. Today I got a private message here on LS from a guy asking if I would be his phone sex friend! Hey, I was just kidding!
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Hm.. I think you got my response the wrong way. He is definitely a jerk and it's not your responsibility that he touched you inappropriately. I am just saying that it can be prevented. You are the one who ends up feeling bad at the end. If you knew that wearing minimal clothes increased your chance of being raped, would you wear them? You kissed a guy you didn't know well. It's socially acceptable, but did you really feel like kissing a guy you just met a couple hours before that? The guy who asked you for a permission to kiss you is no less of a jerk - he is just a smarter player. How did his hand end up in your shirt or pants anyway? Please don't see this as criticism. I know women, I know how women can be reluctant to say NO and how easy it is to go with the flow. And men take advantage of it. While you're thinking how good he is on paper, he's thinking how good you'd be in bed. You give a lion a piece of ham and wonder why he bit off your entire hand. Because your hand is also food for him. A guy doesn't kiss you because he sees you as relationship material, he kisses you because it leads to sex - sooner. If you told him to stop when he put his hand in your shirt, then it was molesting and you may report him. I am just telling you for the future. Say goodbye outside the car, in the street or parking lot and keep the kiss dry. Just my two cents. How is your grandmother doing? Did the surgery go well? Did you read what I read? I said already that afte the kiss and he tried to go farther I told him no and stopped him cold! I never said I felt bad about myself or that I did something wrong. I was mad because he ened up being another jerk! When I though up to that point he could have potential. If someone is a rapist I don't think you can increase your chances. Plus I wouldn't dress that way anyway. You say keep the kiss dry, which mean your assuming it wasn't. Well it was, a dry spontaneous short kiss, not a long frenching kissing session. Hand up my skirt? Wearing jeans, sitting side by side so isn't that hard for him to touch me, nor did that give him permission to. You know women and know how women can be reluctant to say no? You know so little! And let me repeat again, I did say no and stopped him. Having a kiss on a first date is not like having sex on a first date, does not say eather only wants sex. The rest of his actions did though. Yes the surgery went well and the cancer was removed. I didn't read this before. THAT exactly is the type that dves men crazy (sexually). You're cute and sweet, so you seem naive; they feel they can get away with it. And you ARE naive, because you let things happen and then they bother you later. You have to grow some slef-confidence and beprepared to push them away and say NO. I also agree with the poster who said that you might be drawn to men who are jerks.Ok yes I may look cute and sweet but that doesn't mean that I am naive. Nor is that my fault if that's exactly the type that drive men crazy! And again, I have self confidence and did push him away and say no! How can I he drawn to jerks if they act the complete opposite before the date? The act wears off then I see true colours and see what they really are, a jerk. I see threw them and move on. Omg record producer...I dont mind some of your later posts but saying did she dress like a slut or whatever/that she needed to make sure that wasnt how she was dressing? Come on, what century is this! Clearly the girl in this post is nothing like that and the date in question just sounded like a sad freakish loser! Blame it on him, not her!! I've been on dates when I had a big sweater and jeans and was friendly but in no way giving the big green light and the guy still wanted to go in for the kill! I think some men just register that you're female and thats about all they need to get waaaay too excited it wasnt a sexy sweater either!!Thank you! Exactly I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt (lace cami underneath cause was a low v-neck) and a thinner cord pink shirt/jacket. Nothing close to a low cut top and short skirt! Hey, I was just kidding! Don't try and take the credit! lol
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 He emailed this to me the other day: You're taking things the wrong way, I just wanted to make you fell at ease. You were worried so much and I wanted to take things off your mind. I am sorry if you dislike it. I am very serious, am not playing games with you. It wouldn't happen again. If you're not comfortable with me, then don't go out with me again. How is your Grandma's conditions?
Tomcat33 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 This dude wanted to exchange medical records before you even started dating?? Hello SEX CREEP!!! I think that was your tip off right there. "Buhhh-bye"
RecordProducer Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Sweetie, you keep misunderstanding my posts or maybe I keep posting the wrong things. I do think the guy was a major jerk and I just wanted to prtect you from any bad stuff in the future. I dodn't assume anything about your clothes or behavior, it was a general behavior. In fact, I know wonderful woman who was date-raped because she drank a bit on the first date (not me). If you don't feel bad about the whole thig and are only disapointed in the guy, that's good. I am sorry that I upset you, but I still think you shouldn't have guys drive you on the first date.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 This dude wanted to exchange medical records before you even started dating?? Hello SEX CREEP!!! I think that was your tip off right there. "Buhhh-bye" I'm not defending him, but there is a reason why it wasn't a tip off. He is a nurse and sees many patients who won't tell their partner that information. He said he wanted to make sure that I was willing, that it's important that someone he would consider dating would disclose that information. He said before being in a "relationship". I saw it as a quality he was looking for. If he has asked me to bring it with me on the first date! Then that would have been a tip off!
Tomcat33 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 woops never mind just went and reread the opening post again and you did say he said "before having a rel." ok that makes sense then.
Mary3 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 There are too many cockroaches running under the boards on the dating scene. After awhile there are so many of them you just cant control them. That means its truly a NUMBERS game. Meaning you need to go out ALOT and spend time talking alot BEFORE you get to the point of someone groping at your breasts. Yes I had this too about 3 years ago in a movie theatre. . He was trying all the same stuff,. What a loser. Why in Gods name were you both exchanging STD information on a FIRST date ? Big Red Flag ! The dude wanted in your pants. As SOON as he talked sex stuff like medical proof you should have hung up on him. Come on, STD reports ???? He is likely INFECTED for one , and wants a girl to is open to talking about that or anything else. Eventually you will get stronger and smarter about the dating sites. Its an easy sex haven where he is talking to 30 other girls...He just needs ONE to say YES !
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Sweetie, you keep misunderstanding my posts or maybe I keep posting the wrong things. I do think the guy was a major jerk and I just wanted to prtect you from any bad stuff in the future. I dodn't assume anything about your clothes or behavior, it was a general behavior. In fact, I know wonderful woman who was date-raped because she drank a bit on the first date (not me). If you don't feel bad about the whole thig and are only disapointed in the guy, that's good. I am sorry that I upset you, but I still think you shouldn't have guys drive you on the first date.Well that's how it reads to me, maybe it's not how you mean it. He didn't drive me home, we met near where I live and I walked there. But where we met was getting loud so we sat in the car to chat a bit before I walked home. And no I don't feel bad about myself, just disappointed about him. You hadn't even had one date yet, he is either and egomaniac who is used to women dropping their panties for him on command, or he is extremely promiscuous. You haven't even had one date what makes him so sure you would EVEN sleep with him? Think about that. I personally would be completely turned off, asking someone for sexual medical records is intimate it is not something you carry with you in a wallet and flash in a bar to attract folk. See what I mean? I highlighted the opertaive word in your statement. I took that to mean that if he would consider someone to be a partner, wouldn't date them to find out if they wouldn't share that info. He wasn't asking to see it that day, just wanted to know if I was open to exchanging. I didn't see it at he was sure that I would have sex with him, was more that if it did become a relationship he would want to know that info first, then once in a relationship obviously you have sex. Maybe it's because reading it from the outside and now knowing how he said it at the time, but did come off a different way than it may be saying. Anyway it was after meeting that he showed what he was really thinking anyway no matter how he made it sound beforehand.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 There are too many cockroaches running under the boards on the dating scene. After awhile there are so many of them you just cant control them. That means its truly a NUMBERS game. Meaning you need to go out ALOT and spend time talking alot BEFORE you get to the point of someone groping at your breasts. Yes I had this too about 3 years ago in a movie theatre. . He was trying all the same stuff,. What a loser. Why in Gods name were you both exchanging STD information on a FIRST date ? Big Red Flag ! The dude wanted in your pants. As SOON as he talked sex stuff like medical proof you should have hung up on him. Come on, STD reports ???? He is likely INFECTED for one , and wants a girl to is open to talking about that or anything else. Eventually you will get stronger and smarter about the dating sites. Its an easy sex haven where he is talking to 30 other girls...He just needs ONE to say YES ! Very true, too many cockroaches. Tired of the numbers game, or maybe the numbers I have been dealt. No that's not what I said, he didn't ask to exchange STD information on a first date. If he had then conversation would have ended then and there. He asked me if I was open to exchanging, in general. That if we developed into a relationship, then he would want to exchange info.
carhill Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 No comment other than, if you do meet a gentleman who is engaging but not forward, to consider a second date with him. I think, if people like this man are what you consistently experience, I would consider myself (you in this case) as the variable. I can look back at my many years of frustrating dating experiences and say, indeed, I was the common denominator in all of them
Tomcat33 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I took that to mean that if he would consider someone to be a partner, wouldn't date them to find out if they wouldn't share that info. He wasn't asking to see it that day, just wanted to know if I was open to exchanging. I didn't see it at he was sure that I would have sex with him, was more that if it did become a relationship he would want to know that info first, then once in a relationship obviously you have sex. Maybe it's because reading it from the outside and now knowing how he said it at the time, but did come off a different way than it may be saying. Anyway it was after meeting that he showed what he was really thinking anyway no matter how he made it sound beforehand. I know I went back and reread the opening post and I see what you/he meant. I retracted my post but you caught it anyway.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 No comment other than, if you do meet a gentleman who is engaging but not forward, to consider a second date with him. I think, if people like this man are what you consistently experience, I would consider myself (you in this case) as the variable. I can look back at my many years of frustrating dating experiences and say, indeed, I was the common denominator in all of them I for sure would, I have yet to meet the gentleman. True I am the common denominator, but they all seem like the gentleman that you elude to. So they it doesn't have anything to do with me if they seem like the real deal until it wears off and true colours show. If I could see something that i could do I would. I have dated from various places, guys I met walking the dog, online, friends (thanks!), wherever. Different ages, raced and so on. So what is left to try? I know I went back and reread the opening post and I see what you/he meant. I retracted my post but you caught it anyway. Beat ya too it! lol
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Guys your not helping me believe that there are guys that aren't like this out there. Today I got a private message here on LS from a guy asking if I would be his phone sex friend! There are plenty of decent men out there. You should be asking yourself why your not attracted to them. Or perhaps why they are not attracted to you! I seem to recall a post from some time before about a guy who was nice and respectful... but produced no chemistry with you. Hmmmm....
carhill Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 If I could see something that i could do I would. Look with different eyes. The answers are within you. I hope not, but, perhaps, like with myself, those answers will take many years to come. I reflect with some sadness, but mostly with humor, laughing at myself and some of the stupid and unthinking things I did, even though, at the time, I thought myself really, really smart.
RecordProducer Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 He didn't drive me home, we met near where I live and I walked there. But where we met was getting loud so we sat in the car to chat a bit before I walked home. I bet it wasn't your idea to chat in the car. Did you really think he wanted to chat? An invitation to a parked car is the same as an invitation to his bedroom. You should also not accept places where "it gets too loud" - it's hard to keep the physical distance and formality in such an ambiance. But you don't have to accept any of my advice.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 10, 2008 Author Posted October 10, 2008 I bet it wasn't your idea to chat in the car. Did you really think he wanted to chat? An invitation to a parked car is the same as an invitation to his bedroom. You should also not accept places where "it gets too loud" - it's hard to keep the physical distance and formality in such an ambiance. But you don't have to accept any of my advice.The location was my idea, it was a busier than normal, but then a band started playing. Must have been a planned event, because I have been there a few times and hasn't been that busy or the band on a Sunday. So did get too loud and yes I picked the place. Was mutual to sit in the car, just to finish the conversation before I left to walk home. Was nothing fishy or anything up until we were talking about one thing then he made the move. A parked car in a public area with people walking by isn't the same as an invitation to his bedroom, wasn't like we were parked in a dark parking lot and so on. Look with different eyes. The answers are within you. I hope not, but, perhaps, like with myself, those answers will take many years to come. I reflect with some sadness, but mostly with humor, laughing at myself and some of the stupid and unthinking things I did, even though, at the time, I thought myself really, really smart. I even posted about going outside my comfort zone, not limiting myself. Didn't think I was attracted but the 2 last guys were just that, a race a usually wasn't attracted to and last guy that started this thread was older than I usually date... I have tried to think of what I can do to not limit myself to the good ones. Also have run things past girl and guy friends to get their opinions just in case I was missing something. There are plenty of decent men out there. You should be asking yourself why your not attracted to them. Or perhaps why they are not attracted to you! I seem to recall a post from some time before about a guy who was nice and respectful... but produced no chemistry with you. Hmmmm....I never said that I'm not attracted to decent men! Exactly the opposite. I have no idea what guy your talking about, so I think your confusing me with someone else. If I had met a guy who was nice and respectful then I would have for sure dated him to find out if there was a match, which is why I know you must have been mistaken.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 I never said that I'm not attracted to decent men! Exactly the opposite. I have no idea what guy your talking about, so I think your confusing me with someone else. If I had met a guy who was nice and respectful then I would have for sure dated him to find out if there was a match, which is why I know you must have been mistaken. The guy I'm referencing was someone you did date... I think. It was quite some time ago and my memory is a touch hazy on it. However, situation aside, I have a hard time believing that all the guys you date are jerks. Granted I know the ratios are not good, especially where you live, but it really should not be this hard to find someone worthwhile. Honestly, I can't tell you what your doing wrong... but if I was in your shoes I would put some thought into it.
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