sushiking Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 ok my ex broke up with me about 2 months ago. we were getting along and talking but then 3 weeks ago we got into a big fight. it was all my fault, i started an argument with her for no reason other than i was hurt and i embarrassed her in front of her friends. i apologized in person , and she told me that she may not want to talk to me any more. then i sent her a card and and apology letter. her roommate told me that she forgives me, but i still havent herd from her. i want to give her space, but i also dont want to lose her forever. i love this woman very dearly. how long should i wait before i initiate contact if i dont hear from her? is there anything else i can do? im not going to just give up and move on, thats the easy way out .
Ronni_W Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 It's not about you "giving up", it is about you RESPECTING your ex's messages that she is sending you by not contacting you...and also about you hearing her when she told you that she may not want to talk with you, anymore. If you re-read your post, you may realize how self-focused is your perspective. You aren't at all considering what SHE wants and needs (which her silence is a clear indication that she does NOT want or need your friendship, right now.) The impact of your own perspective is that you are ready to ignore, and steam-roll over, HER obvious, current preferences and wishes, which she is expressing through her lack of communication with you. Your message to her, if you contact her again, would be that you do not care at all about what SHE wants and needs...only about yourself. Forgiving you is something that she did for her (internal) self. It just means that, on the inside, she is okay with everything -- she isn't judging you in a negative/critical way...because she doesn't want/need to feel that inside herself. It doesn't necessarily mean that she ALSO wants to remain friends with you -- in fact, it seems obvious that she does NOT want to be friends with you, right now...otherwise, she would have been in touch, no? Allow her to choose for herself. Show her that you respect her right to self-determination. Leave her alone, and let her contact you if and when SHE wants that. It is NOT just all about you, and your wants and needs.
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