Eve Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Advice please needed for a reasonable age for dating for ones children. Reasons why also needed.
Green Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 I don't have kids but if your boy or girl wants to go on a date and there like really young you could always just chaperone it... I mean can't drive yet. I'm guessing you have a girl?
sb129 Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Offspring? Who calls their kids their "offspring"? You are their parent- if they live in your house then they should live by your rules (within reason). If you don't think they are old enough to date without supervision, then they shouldn't do it- but you should explain to them AND justify why you have reached that conclusion. You should also give them an age that you DO think is appropriate, so they dont think you are trying to spoil all their fun. Personally I think 16 is young enough to be dating without a chaperone.
bentnotbroken Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 I personally believe it depends on the maturity of the child. I believe 16 is reasonable, but some 16 year olds don't display enough emotional maturity IMO. I let the dating process start by having "home" dates. The friend could come over a couple times a week for a few hours, so that I could get to know them and their background. After awhile I allowed them to go to public places together(HS games, park events), the next step is actually going out alone. Even though it appears they are more comfortable traveling in packs of teens:confused:go figure. The age was different for both of my children.
Author Eve Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 Thanks for the thoughts.. Yeah, I am thinking that 16 is a good age to begin dating but I dont want to be unrealistic. We have said that we would discuss the dating thing once she reached 14, which shall occur this coming Saturday. Essentially, my daughter is pressing to date once she is 15. I like the idea of 'home dates' a lot, that could really work. I have said that I would support her if she found love young because it does happen to some people but realistically I just dont trust boys! I will discuss with my Husband the 'home dating' idea before bringing it up with my daughter. My heart says that we should advise her to wait until she is 16. As with most Parents our primary focus is her studies, her ability to socialise with different people and help her to travel and see different places. I would prefer that she forget all about boys... but thats not how things go, is it? Thanks again.. Here goes!
bentnotbroken Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Thanks for the thoughts.. Yeah, I am thinking that 16 is a good age to begin dating but I dont want to be unrealistic. We have said that we would discuss the dating thing once she reached 14, which shall occur this coming Saturday. Essentially, my daughter is pressing to date once she is 15. I like the idea of 'home dates' a lot, that could really work. I have said that I would support her if she found love young because it does happen to some people but realistically I just dont trust boys! I will discuss with my Husband the 'home dating' idea before bringing it up with my daughter. My heart says that we should advise her to wait until she is 16. As with most Parents our primary focus is her studies, her ability to socialise with different people and help her to travel and see different places. I would prefer that she forget all about boys... but thats not how things go, is it? Thanks again.. Here goes![/quote] I wish, but it isn't. Just go slow and gauge the situation constantly. It is an ever changing mine field.
nittygritty Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 My ex and I originally weren't going to allow our daughter to date until she was 16. We ended up caving on the issue when she was almost 15 1/2 for fear she'd begin lieing to us and become sneaky about it. I do sympathize and remember that the pressure was really on from about 14 on but I am glad we held out on allowing dating for as long as we did, while still keeping as much open communication as possible about the issue. Encourage teenagers to have ambitious career goals to work toward that will lead them beyond limiting themselves to only thinking in terms of dating in high school. Get or keep them involved in academic and/or sport activities and/or artistic interests and/or part-time jobs. Teach them how to responsibly make good choices for themselves and intervene when they are not.
Author Eve Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 Mission accomplished! We have agreed that the whole no dating thing is still in force but that our daughter can home date from 15 years old. Thank you bentnotbroken for that suggestion!!!! I was at a loss because I dont want to stifle her yet I will protect her because she is very innocent. She really really genuinely liked the idea and turned down yet another boy tonight who is presently sniffing around her. Turned his hormonal arse right down in a very confident and dignified manner. Of course they can still be friends.. I am SO glad that she is confiding in me. I feel very honoured indeed. Her friends problems have been a good catalyst within our decision making processes tonight. I finally had to intervene and call her friends Mother because of the unsightly news that her daughter is having unprotected sex... So we have been caught up in all that drama (I hate real life drama). I just want to ensure that my daughter knows her true value and does not make decisions based on lust. We talked about 'good' sex and feeling wanted and all that stuff in amongst everything and I cannot even express just how relieved I am that THAT is over .. Parenting! If I knew about all of this beforehand.. It really is the hardest job in the whole world! Now I understand why (back in the day) chastity belts existed..
Jilly Bean Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 I don't have kids, but I was one, once. I was allowed to (car) date when I was 15 (sophomore in HS). I think I had a 10PM curfew then. My folks always made the boy come inside and meet them first. lol. I remember my bf's always feared that, even though my Dad was never the interrogating type.
sb129 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I think the home dating at 15 idea is a very reasonable compromise. That is a great idea. I also agree re: some 16 year olds aren't emotionally mature enough to date, however its hard to be specific when you don't know the kids in question. Keeping the lines of communication open is so important. as you have discovered Eve, your daughter is more likely to reach compromises with you if you talk about it. She sounds like a nice girl. Well done.
Enema Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Advice please needed for a reasonable age for dating for ones children. Reasons why also needed. I don't think you should ever date your children. In fact, it may just be illegal.
sb129 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I don't think you should ever date your children. In fact, it may just be illegal. LOL. That did cross my mind when I read the OP initially.....
Green Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I hope you don't have any sons cause I really hate the way you talk about guys especialy young guys
Author Eve Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 I hope you don't have any sons cause I really hate the way you talk about guys especialy young guys Who, me? I have two stepsons who are simply gorgeous. *Eve thinks that maybe KMT wants a fight* ... PMT
Author Eve Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 She sounds like a nice girl. Well done. She is lovely and thanks for putting a realistic perspective to things..
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 We agreed initially to 16 for our daughter early on. BUT when highschool came around she was being invited freshman year (14) to school dances. What we decided was that she could invite some girlfriends to spend the night, we would drop them off at the dance for a few hours, then pick them up and take them to breakfast (the boys could meet them there). We'ld sit on the other side of the restaurant until they were through, then the girls could come back and spend the night. At 15 we became a little more lenient and allowed some double dating with a rediculously early curfew and only on certain special occasions, depending on where she was going. The deal always was that if you betray our trust then you are back to square one. This continued until about 18 years with privilages increasing as she showed responsibility. By 18 she was allowed to do as she pleased as long as she always let us know where she was. At 20 now, the friends whose parents had been terribly strict are in trouble right and left. They didn't know how to act when they all of a sudden had freedom and ended up abusing it. I believe that its important that they earn their "freedom" by showing responsibility, that way when they are in charge, they have learned how to handle that freedom responsibly and don't feel the need to abuse it.
Author Eve Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 I believe that its important that they earn their "freedom" by showing responsibility, that way when they are in charge, they have learned how to handle that freedom responsibly and don't feel the need to abuse it. Yes, I think that this is the most important factor indeed and so we will keep an open mind and not try to impose our will on our daughter. Whats important is that she develops a good sense of safety alongside her very adventerous spirit.
spookie Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I was a kid not too long ago. My parents avoided all topics relating to dating, and boys; only re-iterating over and over again that I would only be worthy of true love if I remained a virgin till marriage. I knew that was unrealistic for me even at 12, so I took up lying compulsively and sneaking out as my hobbies. I had my first bf at 14, but they didn't know about him. I invented after-school extra-curriculars to hang out with him. If I have kids, I'll try to be more understanding and realistic.
Loving Wife Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I am a mother of 3 Son 24 Girl 18 son 14. At the age of 12 they were aloud to go to parties in the evening hours but I always talked to the parent. At the age of 15 they can go to the mall, movies, bowling, and such with a group only. And my daughter just started dating at 16 and she is now 18. She is very mature and speaks 3 languages and was an honor student and just left for college. Hope this helps.
bentnotbroken Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I am glad the home dating idea has worked for you. I didn't want to be as strict as my parents, but I did want to maintain some control as I teach(not the world)about taking good care of herself and being able to think through decisions. I didn't have much of a problem with my son(he's and introvert)so him and lots of girls were not an issue. My sweet cheeks had her BF over last night(he never misses dinner and boy can he eat:eek:. He and my son don't leave much for the buzzards:laugh:). After they did homework, they played video games and did myspace. I have allowed a little more time at my house this week because we will be out of town on the weekend. Usually that's when they get together. This past weekend she spent the day with him and his parents at their home. I am very glad to deal with parents who work with me on them maintaining a relationship with supervision and freedom. Isn't it wonderful to have the open communication with them? Sweet cheeks has also told me of a friend having sex. She did tell me that she(the friend) used a condom, but that isn't 100%. This poor girl is always on her own. Her parents feel as if a 15 year old is old enough to make her own decisions about everything:eek:. Needless to say, sweet cheeks is no longer allowed to visit this particular friend. She can come to my house with me their, but not the other way around.
hotgurl Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I am glad the home dating idea has worked for you. I didn't want to be as strict as my parents, but I did want to maintain some control as I teach(not the world)about taking good care of herself and being able to think through decisions. I didn't have much of a problem with my son(he's and introvert)so him and lots of girls were not an issue. My sweet cheeks had her BF over last night(he never misses dinner and boy can he eat:eek:. He and my son don't leave much for the buzzards:laugh:). After they did homework, they played video games and did myspace. I have allowed a little more time at my house this week because we will be out of town on the weekend. Usually that's when they get together. This past weekend she spent the day with him and his parents at their home. I am very glad to deal with parents who work with me on them maintaining a relationship with supervision and freedom. Isn't it wonderful to have the open communication with them? Sweet cheeks has also told me of a friend having sex. She did tell me that she(the friend) used a condom, but that isn't 100%. This poor girl is always on her own. Her parents feel as if a 15 year old is old enough to make her own decisions about everything:eek:. Needless to say, sweet cheeks is no longer allowed to visit this particular friend. She can come to my house with me their, but not the other way around. Sex already my daughter is 13 and she has a friend who is already experimenting with pot. But I am so proud of my daughter she basically ended the friendship because she doesn't like drugs and what it is doing to this girl. As far as dating we have school dances here chaperonned once a month and she is allowed to go to them and she can go to the movies in a group. If they are boys there a parent will come along and sit in back. She can date at 16.
Author Eve Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Isn't it wonderful to have the open communication with them? Sweet cheeks has also told me of a friend having sex. She did tell me that she(the friend) used a condom, but that isn't 100%. This poor girl is always on her own. Her parents feel as if a 15 year old is old enough to make her own decisions about everything:eek:. Yes it is very grand to have open communication with ones offspring! Bentnotbroken.. I LOVE your nickname for your sweetheart daughter! SO cute! Well my daughters friend is not her friend anymore, which I am sad about in many respects because even though she was up to some pretty dodgy things (sleeping with three boys at age 13) and we could only have her over at our house, I really liked her... Unfortunately her Mother is a 'ho (we learned this fact after my daughter told us that she randomly met a man on the internet and had him over for for sex whilst my daughter was staying overnight.. apparently this is a regular thing which she engages in) so its not rocket science to see the daughter replicating her Mothers moves. Whats that saying?.. 'the apple doesnt fall far from the tree'. So my girl has had to let her go as a friend because of this and other things which I cant go into here. I stand by her decision, especially as it has the backing of her School. So, in many respects I feel very sad at the moment thinking about this beautiful girl who is so messed up.. but such is life.. Anyhow, thank you so much for sharing your path with sweetcheeks. My girl has done a lot of growing up in the past week or two... but at least she has her new mobile phone, which according to her is 'far better than a boyfriend' I am off to bed. I feel quite sad thinking about my daughters friend .. not like me
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