WiseOne1 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Well right now you dont see it that way because your new to this game. Everyone on this thread is trying to tell you that she wants to date other guys. She says she wants time to think and fix her life??? What does that have to do with you?? If anything your a good thing in her life, and you make her life easier, so why get rid of something thats a good aspect of your life....and if she loved you she wouldnt dare risk losing you because thats whats shes currently doing. When you love someone your not gonna risk losing them, and you also dont want to put them thru anypain, you love her and would you risk losing her? Ok my point exactly she wants to date other people. Trust me, everybody on this thread has even seen or been thru something similiar including me, sure right now she doesnt have a bf, but sooner or later your gonna start hearing rumors or shes gonna start acting funny and WHAM shes gonna say "I have a Bf" and all you would have done is waste time, thats time you could have been giving to someone that deserved it or even moving on with your life. Everyone on LS told me along time ago about both of my exs that they just want to date other guys, and they were telling me they needed to to figuire out life or work on life, and its never that. Just like avenger says, plzzz dump her before she dumps you, alot of people say it doesnt matter who dumped who first but there in denial and stupid because if they could go back they would have dumped there ex first. By dumping her first you get the upper hand in self esteem, man go back and read some past thread from months and years ago and you will see exactly how this is gonna work out, trust me its not gonna be good. And just like scooter said your gonna feel dumb because months and years down the line your gonna see that you could have been giving that time to something better than wasting it on her
WiseOne1 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Also just like you said this thread does seem negative, but we've seen the same thing happen so many times. "I need to fix my life" <<<I've heard that atlest 1,300 times since LoveShack has exisited, and eversingle time someone said that they ended up with a new bf or gf. Your thinking that were trying to be negative or not support you, and I felt the sameway when I first came to Loveshack. But these people have self experience or has even seen that happen before, dont take our words for it, look in the past threads and I'll promise you, you'll find threads going back to 2001 with the exact same sistuation your in, and the outcome has always been the same. Your gf just hasnt fully thought out the plan with the other guy or is unsure about leaving for the other guy, thats the only reason why she hasnt pulled the trigger yet. But when she does become sure, you will be the first one to know it.
SRV Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Wisone1, sometimes people just have to go through the ditches, trenches, the hurt and the pain to fully comprehend, of course of which we would not wish on anyone.
WiseOne1 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Wisone1, sometimes people just have to go through the ditches, trenches, the hurt and the pain to fully comprehend, of course of which we would not wish on anyone. Your right, sometimes you just let people go through it themselves, Id rather try to warn or give someone experiences then to let them go thru it on there own. But maybe its best for him to go thru it own his own, because if he listens to our advice he'll feel like he didnt do his best or he'll feel like he could have done more, I dont want anyone to have any regrets so thefore im behind him in whatever he wants to do.
Danielle46 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Might be a rather long response, but my situation mirrored yours: Here's my story and how I handled it: Well here's my take on this situation: I JUST went through something very similar with my boyfriend. And NO not EVERYTHING has to be negative. There ISN'T always an alternative motive or anything like that. My original post can be found on here somewhere, so you can always take a look at that for my whole story...However... In a nut shell...My boyfriend and I had been dating for a little over 4 and a half years...when this semester of classes started (we're both in college)..he became very stressed with school and his dad lost his job (with the state the economy is in) among a few other extraneous issues...he basically told me the same thing your g/f told you.. he needed some time & space to figure out what he wanted from his life and what he could do to improve it. At first, I was devastated.. mainly b/c our relationship itself didn't have any "bad" spots... it was all things outside of my control.. and his really..only time could heal these wounds... so I know more or less where you're coming from... This is how my story progresses...I personally took it upon myself to literally give him that "time" and "space" that he asked me for. Now keep in mind, neither of us wanted to date other people ( just like your situation ), he really just needed time to sort through things. So that wasn't on either of our agendas. So in order to give him the time and space, I decided against contacting him on my behalf... if he contacted me, I would respond but I wouldn't jump on the opportunity right away... if he texted me, I might have waited a little, like 30 mins or so...before I texted him back. That way he didn't think I was unable to live my life without him. We love each other to death...so it's not that this was at all easy for either of us but sometimes these sorts of things just happen. Anyway, fast forward a little, about 3 weeks passed of my holding back on making conversation and I went about my life, surrounded myself with close friends and family and did things to try to keep my mind somewhat off the situation so I wouldn't drown in my feelings.... Well it worked!....after not seeing or speaking with me for a little while.. he began to realize what he was missing out on and what he "had" that he was risking letting go. We are back together now... sometimes it just takes that little kick in the ass, so to speak, for people to realize what they have. If she's as stressed as she says she is, she probably isn't giving a whole lot of thought to how you're feeling and how she's truly feeling about what she's done to your relationship...but given time, I'm almost positive she'll realize! So take or leave my advice/situation...But do know that if it's meant to be, then it will...not everything has to be negative...there are situations in which the people simply take a break and do get back together and are better than ever...but please also don't fill your thoughts with high expectations of getting back together...Just hope for the best, but don't expect any particular outcome, that way disappointment can't come as easily. I wish you the best of luck with everything! I know how difficult this is...just be strong and keep your head up! Everything will work out how it's supposed to! =)
avenger Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I will say this again plz dump her Trust me this forces her to play her card. You can sit back and 2 things will happen maybe 3... 1 she comes back to you after finding no one wants her out of fear of being lonely but who wants a lonely person? self esteem is the issue here.. 2 she moves on and no and contact/ she is gone forever 3 She al ready moved on but keeping the good guy as her safety net and she will forever know she can walk all over you at any given time in the relationship even into marriage. I had a gut with my ex I hung on to her a little too long but I dumped her 1st.. and she was pissed but did not come out and say it so I took her back only to catch her with another man after talking to her that day. Her lies was running thin with me. If she was smart when I dumped her she should have made herself look like the bad guy and allowed me to fully dump her that way I would have never found out about the other man. Her loss but I fell sorry for the other dude she has maybe he woke up after seeing me talk to her about the relationship while he was over her place. I am a nice guy but I am no doormat. Every person has their limits This makes me realize that human relationships will have suffering. Now I am praying more than ever to try to get closer with God. Maybe it was in his will for me not to see her anymore because he knew what she was up to. I praised him after I left her...... btw Before I dumped her I prayed for week to God what should I do about her and in my heart I had to dump her and I caught her with the other guy. It was uncanny on the timing. I got the answer through a relative on what I should do and they repeated what I should have done like 4 times in a row... Maybe God gave me an answer that day lol. The next day it felt like a rock was lifted off of my shoulders no lie! Humans fail God does not
WiseOne1 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I will say this again plz dump her Trust me this forces her to play her card. You can sit back and 2 things will happen maybe 3... 1 she comes back to you after finding no one wants her out of fear of being lonely but who wants a lonely person? self esteem is the issue here.. 2 she moves on and no and contact/ she is gone forever 3 She al ready moved on but keeping the good guy as her safety net and she will forever know she can walk all over you at any given time in the relationship even into marriage. I had a gut with my ex I hung on to her a little too long but I dumped her 1st.. and she was pissed but did not come out and say it so I took her back only to catch her with another man after talking to her that day. Her lies was running thin with me. If she was smart when I dumped her she should have made herself look like the bad guy and allowed me to fully dump her that way I would have never found out about the other man. Her loss but I fell sorry for the other dude she has maybe he woke up after seeing me talk to her about the relationship while he was over her place. I am a nice guy but I am no doormat. Every person has their limits This makes me realize that human relationships will have suffering. Now I am praying more than ever to try to get closer with God. Maybe it was in his will for me not to see her anymore because he knew what she was up to. I praised him after I left her...... btw Before I dumped her I prayed for week to God what should I do about her and in my heart I had to dump her and I caught her with the other guy. It was uncanny on the timing. I got the answer through a relative on what I should do and they repeated what I should have done like 4 times in a row... Maybe God gave me an answer that day lol. The next day it felt like a rock was lifted off of my shoulders no lie! Humans fail God does not Exactly and some people say they might really need time and will come back to you....the only time this happens is when there other plan falls through! If anyone has ever got there ex back I mean right after the ex broke up with you....not months or years down the line, but right after the ex broke up with you, that means that other guy or girl even got what they wanted and then left. Mostly this happens with females, the dude hits it, and then he leaves because he doesnt want a GF thats so easy, and then the girl comes back and says she was just going thru a hard time but now she loves you or she might be doing all of this while shes with you, which means cheating!!! In reality she just got played and came back, now im not saying its not possible but if you watch the presidential elections its just like that, when they say projected states that means a state that a certain candidate is promised to win, bassically what were saying is it doesnt look good in your favor it doesnt look like your gonna win, and if you do you dont want it because the only reason you won is because the other guy dumped her.
Author nymets2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 Might be a rather long response, but my situation mirrored yours: Here's my story and how I handled it: Well here's my take on this situation: I JUST went through something very similar with my boyfriend. And NO not EVERYTHING has to be negative. There ISN'T always an alternative motive or anything like that. My original post can be found on here somewhere, so you can always take a look at that for my whole story...However... In a nut shell...My boyfriend and I had been dating for a little over 4 and a half years...when this semester of classes started (we're both in college)..he became very stressed with school and his dad lost his job (with the state the economy is in) among a few other extraneous issues...he basically told me the same thing your g/f told you.. he needed some time & space to figure out what he wanted from his life and what he could do to improve it. At first, I was devastated.. mainly b/c our relationship itself didn't have any "bad" spots... it was all things outside of my control.. and his really..only time could heal these wounds... so I know more or less where you're coming from... This is how my story progresses...I personally took it upon myself to literally give him that "time" and "space" that he asked me for. Now keep in mind, neither of us wanted to date other people ( just like your situation ), he really just needed time to sort through things. So that wasn't on either of our agendas. So in order to give him the time and space, I decided against contacting him on my behalf... if he contacted me, I would respond but I wouldn't jump on the opportunity right away... if he texted me, I might have waited a little, like 30 mins or so...before I texted him back. That way he didn't think I was unable to live my life without him. We love each other to death...so it's not that this was at all easy for either of us but sometimes these sorts of things just happen. Anyway, fast forward a little, about 3 weeks passed of my holding back on making conversation and I went about my life, surrounded myself with close friends and family and did things to try to keep my mind somewhat off the situation so I wouldn't drown in my feelings.... Well it worked!....after not seeing or speaking with me for a little while.. he began to realize what he was missing out on and what he "had" that he was risking letting go. We are back together now... sometimes it just takes that little kick in the ass, so to speak, for people to realize what they have. If she's as stressed as she says she is, she probably isn't giving a whole lot of thought to how you're feeling and how she's truly feeling about what she's done to your relationship...but given time, I'm almost positive she'll realize! So take or leave my advice/situation...But do know that if it's meant to be, then it will...not everything has to be negative...there are situations in which the people simply take a break and do get back together and are better than ever...but please also don't fill your thoughts with high expectations of getting back together...Just hope for the best, but don't expect any particular outcome, that way disappointment can't come as easily. I wish you the best of luck with everything! I know how difficult this is...just be strong and keep your head up! Everything will work out how it's supposed to! =) Exactly, a lot of people on here are a bit more negative since they probably went through a lot of harsher stuff than I did, but she is the type to need a little kick in the butt. She requested space and I gave it to her, and she realized that she doesn't want me out of her life or lose me forever, and really wants this to work for the long haul. I understand you cannot force your help on someone unless they are unwilling to help themselves, and that was pretty much the situation she wanted to handle on her own so I respected that (it's not always about dating other people). Now we are even closer than before, but taking it slow at the same time. Now we are pretty much back together, making plans, dating like its old times again. Of course she still has some of her internal issues, she feels like she lost her free spirit along the way and still is trying to find some stability in her life, but so far I helped her re-register for courses and am helping her find a stable job (which are all things she lacked which is why she needed a break in the first place, most women don't like to have to rely on their male counterpart for everything). Not all breaks are NEGATIVE if you have good intentions with it, good luck to the rest of you.
WiseOne1 Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Exactly, a lot of people on here are a bit more negative since they probably went through a lot of harsher stuff than I did, but she is the type to need a little kick in the butt. She requested space and I gave it to her, and she realized that she doesn't want me out of her life or lose me forever, and really wants this to work for the long haul. I understand you cannot force your help on someone unless they are unwilling to help themselves, and that was pretty much the situation she wanted to handle on her own so I respected that (it's not always about dating other people). Now we are even closer than before, but taking it slow at the same time. Now we are pretty much back together, making plans, dating like its old times again. Of course she still has some of her internal issues, she feels like she lost her free spirit along the way and still is trying to find some stability in her life, but so far I helped her re-register for courses and am helping her find a stable job (which are all things she lacked which is why she needed a break in the first place, most women don't like to have to rely on their male counterpart for everything). Not all breaks are NEGATIVE if you have good intentions with it, good luck to the rest of you. Congrats man, thats a good thing to her I can now say that when people say they need time or space it doesnt mean that its impossible, so therefore I'll never doubt that again, but goodluck on your relationship.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Now we are pretty much back together, making plans, dating like its old times again. Until the next time she needs a "break".
Danielle46 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Well whenever you're with someone for a long period of time.. either one of you could need a little space for a little while... that isn't necessarily a "bad" thing... we're all human.. and who knows, next time it could be him...it doesn't always mean you love that person any less...sometimes life just gets really complicated and people need a little time to themselves to think about things and re-align themselves. Obviously, this probably won't be the last time this ever happens especially if they stay together for years to come...and it won't be any easier if it does happen again but it's all part of being in a relationship.. it's not always a bed of roses, however, being able to work through it with that person is what strengthens your relationship in the end! Best of luck! =)
Limin Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Again, I am not forcing my opinion on you. It is really out of your hands. Perhaps she grew out of you or not. We don't know, and we don't need to know. What I did in this situation is that I did what made me happy, even though it cost me a little bit here but I got over it. During this time of happiness, feel free to reminisce the past and just use logic to talk to yourself out of it, and that is all you can do. Don't take one day at a time, if you need to, take one hour at a time.
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