HopeDiesLast Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 If there was a death in the family, or really rough times, and you haven't talked to your ex in a while- do you tell them? would it be akward for your ex like "am i supposed to show up to a wake? whats my role in this? what do you want from me?" I'm a girl thinking like a girl- i'd like to think he'd tell me if something like that happened in his fam. but he's a guy and my ex....does he wanna know? should i tell him or am i just expecting something from him?
sfsassy Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 I'm friends with most of my exes. However, for the ex that I'm not friends with, I have told a friend of his I used to know that the only thing I want to know is if something really bad happens to him personally. However I didn't know his family, so it might depend on that too.
Angel1111 Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 I wouldn't make a point of telling him but I think the advice above is good - someone else telling him. When my parents died (they died 8 days apart) my ex-husband from 25 yrs ago heard about it and came to the funeral. I didn't see him because he got lost trying to find the chuch and got there too late. I found out about it later and thanked him for being so thoughtful. He told me that he had heard about my dad's death and when he got there, almost everyone was gone, but he saw then that my mom had also died and he was shocked. I thought that said a lot for my parents that a former son-in-law thought so much of them. If it's something you think your ex would really want to know about, then maybe you should tell him. It just really depends on the circumstances.
orangehose Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 If I'm NC and not friends with an ex, I wouldn't tell them if I were diagnosed with a terminal illness. Many of these exes (though not all) showed us no compassion or sympathy in the way they dumped us, so why should we trust them with our most personal, vulnerable secrets? If it's an amicable breakup and you don't feel like the ex acted like a jerk, then I think that could be a different story.
CaLLiEbLuE Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 If there was a death in the family, or really rough times, and you haven't talked to your ex in a while- do you tell them? would it be akward for your ex like "am i supposed to show up to a wake? whats my role in this? what do you want from me?" I'm a girl thinking like a girl- i'd like to think he'd tell me if something like that happened in his fam. but he's a guy and my ex....does he wanna know? should i tell him or am i just expecting something from him? Honestly? I've experienced this, with the same ex, not once but twice. The first time we hadn't been on speaking terms in about 3 months and my great-grandmother (who he knew the entire time we dated) passed away. He knew, yet since we weren't speaking I accepted that I would not hear from him. Then this year at the end of March my FATHER had a life-threatening heart attack and actually flat-lined. My ex and I were in casual contact with one another, and since his sister is one of my best friends...he most definitely knew. Insult to injury was hearing from his mother that she'd told him everything his sister heard from me about it, and yet...no phone call. But a month later he texted me to hook up and nothing has ever made the situation clearer. I'm not trying to hi-jack your thread lol the point to all of this is that from NOT hearing from my ex, no matter how much I wished he would at least call because he was still on good terms with my family 3 years after we've been broken up, getting through it without him...made me feel that much stronger. It solidified for me that I could and would get through everything and anything in my life without having him there. Sometimes...its better to leave well enough alone. Its a personal call, but I would say if the ex was close to whomever it was that passed away or is sick...a simple text to inform that isn't out of left field. Just be prepared for whatever the outcome because it can always go either way.
CaliGuy Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 If there was a death in my family I would have no reason to tell any of my exs. They were never close to my family. Besides, it's none of their business.
Crazy.S Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I think if your ex was really close to that family member, they deserve to know. I wouldn't go too far to ask him to come to the wake, but at least give him a chance to send his condolences. I don't think there is anything wrong with breaking NC when it's not about the relationship.
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