chacha7 Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I am experiencing very confusing, conflicting emotions lately. Its been nearly 2 months since my ex boyfriend and I broke up after 2.5 years of dating. We broke up because my ex believed I would not do "whatever it takes" because I would not go to couples counseling to his therapist. However I did say I would go to a different therapist with him, because I didn't trust his therapist for various reasons. This was my compromise and I felt that I would do whatever it took for him. This wasn't good enough for him, so he left me. I actually posted a lot on here (check it out) which helped me to clear things up and get over a lot of my hurt feelings. I felt like I had moved on completely and I was over it. I was so angry and sad about the whole thing, and I wouldn't let myself think of any good times for fear of wanting to get back together I guess. We contacted eachother a couple of times after the break up and I felt that that had given me closure. I had him read my LS posts and got everything off my chest that I needed to say. Then he emailed me a few days later and told me that his therapist said he should be open to going to couples counseling with me to a different counselor. I said it was too late for that at the moment, and that I didn't want to go back into the past and I thought we both needed to think about what we wanted and then in a few weeks decide if it was worth our time, money and sanity to go through with it. At the time I thought, forget it. There were too many cons, not enough pros. And it's weird because I still feel this way, but lately, I've been missing him I guess because I've been thinking about the good things that we had. I've been dating someone else, who is older and more mature and basically everything I was hoping for, and he's perfect for me, yet I can't help thinking about my ex! It's the worst. It's like if I just met this perfect guy a little later on I would've been able to fall in love, but now I'm just going through the motions bc I'm still thinking about my ex. Maybe I started dating him too soon, maybe I am just looking for an excuse to not be happy, I don't know. It's like I know this guy is a better match for me, but I don't know if I'm over my ex yet. I feel this way, even though my ex is frustrating me or trying to make me jealous or something. He got back his facebook account, that he had gotten rid of as a gift to me since I would always say I hated facebook and the drama it causes in peoples' lives. Then on AIM on his profile he posted some convo he had with someone about how all alaskans do is hunt and "F$&%" and he said they got the second part right and some other stupid stuff about F#&%ing. Basically when I saw that I was like "what a loser" and thought he was trying to make me jealous or just being stupid. I mean he's 25 and he's still posting convo's on AIM and making facebooks? A little immature. The other thing is I don't know if I would want to get back with him because it would be totally awkward not only with him, but his family and friends, and well as my family and friends who basically don't like him anymore or had told me they didn't like him when we were dating. I don't know if I want to deal with all that. Also I don't think I would like hearing about him hanging out with, dating, kissing, whatever with any other people. I know that is hypocritical, bc I'm dating someone, but it's how I feel. I just wish these feelings would go away and I could just focus on the new guy. He's so great and good for me, and I see that and I don't want to lead him on, and I really don't know if it would be right to try to get back with my ex, so why do I feel this way? I don't think I could do the just friends thing with him, although I question if I just want him in my life in some way. Maybe I can, but I don't think that's really what I want. I don't know what I want, that's the problem. Has anyone else ever felt this? Should I just try to stop thinking about him and get over it? Should I try to see how he's feeling about all of this? How do I get closure!?!?!?!?
HopeDiesLast Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 chacha i think we have all felt like this. and its hard to admit that maybe we just miss him- his comfort, the relationship, the normalcy of it. if you go back up and reread your post like i wrote it, you'll see you said yourself- there were some cons, and you're just missing him. and maybe this new guy is great, and could be perfect- but i dont think the timing is perfect. i think you have to let the feelings fade a little more before you can totally focus on the new guy. its only fair to him, and also to you- the beginning is so fun esp. if you're really into a guy, dont sell yourself short on those feelings by letting your ex creep into your head! and if he broke up with you 2 mos ago, hasnt called saying the words "im sorry, i made a mistake. lets try again.", then do YOU think his feelings on you & him have changed?
Author chacha7 Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 Thank you HopeDiesLast! That is a very fitting name btw for a lot of people on LS, including me. I guess in some way I still hope everything can be perfect and we can have a happy ending or something even though there is no way it really can be, especially now. My ex actually did say that his therapist said he should be open to go to couples counseling to someone else with me, which in his own little way was like "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I want you back" lol. Although, I would've rather have heard those words than "I had a meeting with Dr. L today and he said that I should be open to going to couples counseling with the therapist of your choosing. let me know what you think". Is that cold or weird or is it just me? lol. Anyway, I was thinking about it and I think that I am missing the comfort of normalcy. Everything with the new guy is different, in a good way, but still different. And I think I am scared because he is a lot older than me, nine years to be exact. I don't want to self sabotage myself, but maybe that is what I am doing, by starting to think about my ex again. The timing isn't perfect, but I don't want to let this new guy go...we really click and have fun and are very compatible. I just need to feel more relaxed about it I think and get my ex out of my head! Is closure overrated? Does anyone know when you are completely over someone?
Jackee Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Breakup depression can lead to some nasty things like insomnia, binge-eating, and apathy for pretty much everything. Don't allow the breakup to ruin your life.The best solution is simply following the techniques like fast forward, fastest and shortest path; clean slate method, instant reconnect, bonding secrets, etc used in the magic of making up. The Magic Of Making Up have helped hundreds of men and women just like you win back the mind, heart and soul of the ones they love
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