periwink Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Hi everyone, I am a bit confused by all the information given on relationships and breaking up so I need a bit of opinion. Seems that everyone is universally advised to follow no contact after being dumped. Does that mean then that if the dumper wants to discuss things or initiate a reconcilliation that the dumpee will be waiting for them to make the move? To explain, I split up with my bf of a yr about three weeks ago. It meant him moving out of my flat. The circumstances at the time (I was angry with him) meant we didn't really discuss the split. I asked him to leave and collect his stuff while I was at work. I phoned him two days after to see how he was, and we talked fine, he said he'd call me in a few days but he never did. So is he doing no contact OR is he not bothered? If he's doing no contact that means he still wants us to be together but he is waiting for me to make the first move. That's fine. But what if he's actually happy we have split, and the fact he is not calling me or trying to get me to give it another go means he is moving on and that is it? Not sure if I've made sense there!! Thanks,
lofi_tokyo Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Thats kinda a tough question to answer, since none of us here really know your man. However, what I can say is, when you break up with someone, there are going to be repercussions. I personally don't find you can just walk back into a relationship after a breakup, and have everything be back to how it was. He may very well be doing no contact. At first I think, no contact happens because it's too painful to carry on talking to someone that does not want you in the way you want them. However, after time, no contact carries on because well, the person has sincerely started moving on, and over time, will be fully "moved on". What stage is he at? Who knows. I think, if you're interested in trying to revive the relationship, you need to ask yourself - do you REALLY want to get back into one with this man? Are you prepared to commit yourself 100%, and prove to him you will not leave him again. Were the problems you had, or your reasons for dumping him, still going to be there if you get back together? If you feel that things are fixable, and you are ready to really work for him to prove things can work... then give it a try, maybe. But you broke up with him, remember... so its possible he may miss you, but really does not want to go back to you, as much as it hurts. Be ready for any outcome.
norajane Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 No contact is to help you move on, not to get someone back. Typically, whoever it is who wants to get back together is the one who ends up making the contact. It's less likely that you'd get back together if you contact someone when you've been dumped. The implication is they dumped you so they didn't want you so why would they get back together just because you contact them to ask or beg? They could have stayed with you in the first place instead of dumping you. If you dumped someone, they might still want to be with you. But if you dump someone because they'd been an ass to you one way or another, then forget it. They were already out the door long before you dumped them.
EmperorR Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 no contact is for you to help you get over them, don't contact, they know your number they know how you feel about them.
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