BlueHarvest Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I am 24 years old and completely lost to my friendship situation right now. I've been "hanging" out with the same small group of people since high school pretty much. We originally had the same interests: Gaming, sci-fi movies, action movies, etc etc (lots of IMO geeky guy stuff). Problem is my friend went off to college a year ahead of me and changed...became a "pot-smoking hippy" as I like to call it. I still hung out with him because we still had the same interests, but our personalities had changed somewhat. I have slowly over the past couple of years made myself less frequent around him and his roomates (my other friends). And realized, that by doing so I have cut off my only non-work social circle. Without him, his contacts, and his roomates the only "friends" I have are the people I've been playing online games with. Tangent: And let's be honest most of the people I meet online gaming don't last. Some of them you get to know quite well but you never meet face to face. If I ever did meet someone online (male or female) that was within a reasonable driving distance I would try to hang out with them. But unfortunately the chances of meeting someone online that is within driving distance is a bit low. So I find myself with my life routine now-a-days being : Go to work, come home, play around online (browse internet, play games, sometimes chat), go to sleep...Rinse and Repeat. I somewhat enjoyed it but I've realized that 1) It'll never be the same as hanging out with someone physically in person and 2) it's a bit mundane after awhile. My issue is I am the geek type, and it's hard to meet others with my interests. I've tried to change myself for others in the past and that hasn't worked out. I hate going to Bars and Clubs, it just isnt' my thing, not to mention I get anxiety issues when I'm thrust into an environment where I don't know anyone. My main questin is this I guess: What do other 20-30 year olds do for their spare time. Obviously those in relationships/marriages have less free time overall, but relationships shouldn't be a solution to someone's "excess of free time". In fact for the longest time I thought that would help me, but I realize now that I cannot put such a burden on a person as to make my whole life the relationship. So again I ask.... What do other people my age (give or take) do in their spare time? I just have the hardest time getting away from the whole online gaming thing. It's something I enjoy and yet it isn't fufilling as it used to be. I still want to be able to play games online in the future but I don't want my whole social life (or lack thereof) to revolve around coming home and playing games. I'm also realize that to get into a healthy relationship, I have to first make myself happy. I'm trying to do that right now. Just having a hard time finding activities I enjoy that can also allow me to be in small social situations and find different circles of friends. Thanks for the advice.
kizik Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Hi there, you pose a good question, and your scenario is def. something I can personally relate to. I no longer hang out with the people I went to high school with, and this is because THEY ARE LOSERS WHO ARE MEAN TO ME. Anyway, one of your main problems is the online gaming. I don't know if you're playing WoW or poker, but it's all quite addictive and conducive to being anti-social in the real world. Stop the gaming. Read a book. Learn something or do something fun. As far as "what do people in their 20s and 30s DO," my answer would be that many of them are in college. I just moved into the dorms despite being your age, 24, and am finding myself meeting some people. Some good, some bad. I was worried about being above-average age for a college student, but i's all good. So, go to college, even if it's JC. Also, there's Meetup.com where you can find all sorts of groups in your city. Ultimately, though, you need to really work on yourself. Think of this time in your life as an opportunity to improve various aspects of yourself, whether they are intellectual, emotional, etc. You sound like a smart guy and this is a time when you can really focus on yourself in a selfish manner. One day, you will have a wife and kids and all kinds of responsibilities to others. But for now, all you have to worry about is YOU. Best, Josh
Country_Girl Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 I agree with Kizik, cut out the gameing, it can be addictive. I actually ended a 5+ yr relationship because of WoW. Games like that cause you to become withdrawn. I don't think you have to cut it out completely, but certainley don't make it a hobby, maybe once every few days if you truley have nothing to do. Like Kizik said, try meetup.com. You can really find anyone with the same interests as you, locally, with that site. Whether you want to learn to knit, play guitar with others, play cards weekly- you can really find "anything" on that site, it would be a great way to meet new people, and you will automatically have common ground off the bat. And as far as your high school friends go, I think it's pretty common to branch off. People change. I had 6 very close friends in high school, now at age 26, I only talk to 1 of them. The others never really "grew up"- still wanted to party, smoke pot (even though they have kids!), gossip. I'm not saying I am better than then them, but my perspective has changed, I have differant morals, goals, and ideas then them.
Author BlueHarvest Posted October 6, 2008 Author Posted October 6, 2008 I have cut out the gaming. I went from playing games roughly ~6 hours a night down to about 3. I now jog 3 times a week, spend more time reading books, and watching TV and trying to keep up to date with the latest shows and news. Problem is, its not a huge step. Jogging takes place in my neighborhood and I usually wear my iPod while jogging so thats not social (But it does increase my self confidence to see me falling back down slowly to my old high school weight!) The books and TV are still as anti-social as the games though. I've been looking online for groups that are interested in the same stuff but there are only 1 or 2 and judging by the last posts that were posted on the groups meeting boards it's been awhile since any activity really went on. Another issue is money. I'm currently driving around a dieing car. I'm trying to save up money to get myself a better place to live. Currently living in my parents spare bedroom because my house (living with one of my co-workers) was declared a hazard to my health. They are doing SERIOUS renovations..thankfully I was just renting... So now I have to find a new place to live, new roomate, and try to get a new car. So I'm trying to cut out expenses. Sigh...
Recommended Posts