WiseOne1 Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 For all of you who have been heartbroken multiple times, did the 1st heartbreak hurt more than the rest?
unknown815 Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I have had my heart broken several times. The first one was the easiest.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Many many times. They all hurt at least as equal to the first.
sunshinegirl Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Four times. Each was its own special kind of hell.
Vertex Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I'd say twice, but the first hurt so much that today I still think about it. The second, a few years later, did not hurt so much because it had been coming for a while.
CarrieT Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Six times; each one hurt differently because the relationships were ended for different reasons. It is never pleasant and never easy. And the longevity of the relationship has nothing to do with it -- I have hurt just as bad from the end of a two-month relationship as I did from the ending of a two-year relationship or a twelve-year relationship. Pain is pain.
sfsassy Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Four times. Each was its own special kind of hell. two and a half times. The second was the worst because I felt really bertrayed and we had a long tern relationship. The first was really hard because he was my longest term relationship, but didn't feel bertrayed. The half wasn't a relationship, lol, but I thought he was trustworthy, I really connected to him and he bertrayed me, and made me look bad to other people.
Trialbyfire Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I've been heartbroken aka devastated once. Beyond that, it's just been a matter of switching perception. Sometimes it takes awhile due to external influences of unclear sight (100% my fault for being influenced) and sometimes, it's a quick switch. While I feel deeply in relationships, the last thing I'm going to do is to allow anyone who doesn't have my best interests in mind, to influence my life.
johan Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 A few. I don't like feeling like that. I don't get deeply involved anymore, so: problem solved.
Author WiseOne1 Posted October 5, 2008 Author Posted October 5, 2008 My first heartbreak was terrible, it was the most pain I ever felt. It felt like I was having a heart attack 24/7. Even if I wasnt thinking about her my heart was hurting, in my sleep I still can feel it hurting, and even when I woke up I was still hurting. Imagine feeling that way for 8 months in a row, not even 1 day missed. The 2nd one was ahhhh ok, the shock last for about 4 days, I didnt even try the begging and pleading because from the first experience it didnt work. You would think begging and pleading with someone will make them come closer to you, but it only seems to push them away. Im learning alot of this thread, I was sure that nothing could hurt worse than anyones first time, since your new to it ya know?
Storyrider Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I'd rather sit with heartbreak at the breakfast table ever day than sit with numbness. When I was younger I thought that the way to deal with heartbreak was either to try and change the situation, which is impossible where another person is involved, or to try and shut the love and sadness off. But I've found it is better to let the feelings be, and not try to stomp down sadness. I guess the sadness and love together is what heartbreak is, but I'd rather feel that, even if all I can do is sit there with it, because even if there is no action to be taken that would make sense, at least the feelings are true. And there is a tightness and hardness in your gut that comes from trying to swallow it down that is much more painful than just being with it and breathing through it.
Trialbyfire Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I'd rather sit with heartbreak at the breakfast table ever day than sit with numbness. When I was younger I thought that the way to deal with heartbreak was either to try and change the situation, which is impossible where another person is involved, or to try and shut the love and sadness off. But I've found it is better to let the feelings be, and not try to stomp down sadness. I guess the sadness and love together is what heartbreak is, but I'd rather feel that, even if all I can do is sit there with it, because even if there is no action to be taken that would make sense, at least the feelings are true. And there is a tightness and hardness in your gut that comes from trying to swallow it down that is much more painful than just being with it and breathing through it. Working through hurt is a good thing. Wallowing in it beyond expiry date can be obsessive. Draw the line.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Twice! Not sure which was worse. I'm thinking the first one, because I remember just laying in bed literally for WEEKS, doing NOTHING but moping... and like, I remember a few other moments where from that break up, months afterwards, where I was still all hurty... but its hard to put into perspective because like, it was so long ago, I don't know for sure how it compares to my current break up situation. I guess I'll have to say they were about equal? Except this time around I havn't been moping about ;p
Nemo Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 But I've found it is better to let the feelings be, and not try to stomp down sadness. I guess the sadness and love together is what heartbreak is, but I'd rather feel that, even if all I can do is sit there with it, because even if there is no action to be taken that would make sense, at least the feelings are true. And there is a tightness and hardness in your gut that comes from trying to swallow it down that is much more painful than just being with it and breathing through it. That's beautiful. And profound. And melancholic, but still beautiful.
Storyrider Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Working through hurt is a good thing. Wallowing in it beyond expiry date can be obsessive. Draw the line. I agree. Wallowing is very different from what I'm describing above.
Nemo Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Working through hurt is a good thing. Wallowing in it beyond expiry date can be obsessive. Draw the line. Maybe if you're a robot. There is no "expiry date" when one is reflecting on life. Sometimes that's just what life is - a gradual process of coming to terms with one's journey. The key thing is to maintain some optimism about the future. Without that, life is best spent reminiscing, until the last embers of love fade from memory.
Storyrider Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 a gradual process of coming to terms with one's journey. The key thing is to maintain some optimism about the future. It's Jethro Tull... :o. .. And as you cross the wilderness, Spinning in your emptiness If you have to, pray. Looking for a sign, that the Universal Mind Has written you into the passion play. Skating away, skating away, skating away On the thin ice of the new day... ...And as you cross the circle line, Well the ice wall creaks behind You're a rabbit on the run. And the silver splinters fly In the corner of your eye, Shining in the setting sun... Skating away, skating away, skating away On the thin ice of the new day
Trialbyfire Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I agree. Wallowing is very different from what I'm describing above. Yes, I agree. Maybe if you're a robot. There is no "expiry date" when one is reflecting on life. Sometimes that's just what life is - a gradual process of coming to terms with one's journey. The key thing is to maintain some optimism about the future. Without that, life is best spent reminiscing, until the last embers of love fade from memory. An expiry date is when there aren't two people fueling a relationship. While some can solely care about oneself, most need to invest in someone else.
Nemo Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I agree. Wallowing is very different from what I'm describing above. Yes, I agree. Then why quote something if you are relating something very different?! It made it sound like you were commenting on the quotation!? Or was it supposed to be an addendum? It certainly wasn't clear, and I read it as being condescendingly dismissive.
Trialbyfire Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Then why quote something if you are relating something very different?! It made it sound like you were commenting on the quotation!? Or was it supposed to be an addendum? It certainly wasn't clear, and I read it as being condescendingly dismissive. You read everything I write as condescending, dismissive or a combination of both. Time to retune your mini decoder ring!
shadowplay Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I'd rather sit with heartbreak at the breakfast table ever day than sit with numbness. When I was younger I thought that the way to deal with heartbreak was either to try and change the situation, which is impossible where another person is involved, or to try and shut the love and sadness off. But I've found it is better to let the feelings be, and not try to stomp down sadness. I guess the sadness and love together is what heartbreak is, but I'd rather feel that, even if all I can do is sit there with it, because even if there is no action to be taken that would make sense, at least the feelings are true. And there is a tightness and hardness in your gut that comes from trying to swallow it down that is much more painful than just being with it and breathing through it. That was beautiful.
RecordProducer Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Maybe if you're a robot. There is no "expiry date" when one is reflecting on life. Sometimes that's just what life is - a gradual process of coming to terms with one's journey. The key thing is to maintain some optimism about the future. Without that, life is best spent reminiscing, until the last embers of love fade from memory.Now that was profound! I like how Storyrider explained it as "sit at breakfast with sadness." But what about the numbness that comes from the grief, where you are unable to move, to fel or think about anything except your grief? What about the anger, the feeling of being lost, and the urge to shout, drink, forget your daily responsibilities, lack of motivation to finish your plans...? And for those whose partners left them for someone else, how do they cope with the jealousy? For those who are left unemployed with three kids, how do they gather strength to move on with their lioves, organize themselves, take care of their kids, work, stay sane..? Shutting it off will make it leak from other holes. Giving in means you will let yourself feel even worse than you already do. I think certain measures can be taken, though. Do things that you know are good for you. Going to the gym is good for you, but won't help you get over your pain - it' simportant though to go on with your life and do whatever you were doing before AND add some new things. If you feel unproductive, you will fall even lower (emotionally). Yet, it's so hard to be productive when you're depressed. Being broken-hearted is a disease. You read everything I write as condescending, dismissive or a combination of both. Time to retune your mini decoder ring!I smell a juicy fight coming along!
Nemo Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Yet, it's so hard to be productive when you're depressed. Perhaps it's because life has true clarity in these moments. Yes, when you're in this state of depression, you see life in its most elemental, uncluttered glory. As Lennon and McCartney best said it - all you need is love. And love is all you need. When we're depressed over the loss of love, two things are happening. One, in the words of Joni Mitchell, the realisation that "Don't it always seem to go That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone" Two, we understand that life is more-or-less meaningless in the so-called "transitional period" between loves. We are likely to find love again, but there are no guarantees. Maybe it will never again reach the depths of your heart like a previous love. You can lift yourself out of the depression, like almost all of us do. However, the clarity is lost - we may convince ourselves otherwise, but life without love is empty. We can bury ourselves in a cause, or in our careers - and have outrageous success - but all this "worthwhile and rewarding" activity is just fighting over the crumbs of life.
shadowplay Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 We can bury ourselves in a cause, or in our careers - and have outrageous success - but all this "worthwhile and rewarding" activity is just fighting over the crumbs of life. That was beautiful as well.
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