kiteflyer Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 First, I never thought I would post on a forum, but I looked at some posting and threads and well why not try. I have been married for 17 yrs, have 5 kids - 15, 12, 10, 7, 4. This past Feb my wife said it was over. From Feb to Apr she was not sure of her decision. But since April it has definately ended. Not really sure how to explain what happened but in a nut shell she has said these things to me. "You don't meet my emotional or physical needs and I just don't love you anymore. I have felt trapped in our relationship and I need my freedom to find out who I am. I need to find my soul mate and you are not that person. I hope I still have time left in my life to find him. It has been hard for me to come to this. I have cried many times and given you many opportunities to change. I have realized that we are just not compatible and we never have been. We never really married for love." Anyway that is some of her statements. At least from what I can remember. She had some hard times of depression prior to her announcement and still does at times (In and out) She is seeing a counsellor for it. I have talked to her about going to counselling but she does not want to we are done. Since then she has met someone online. He live in the Southern US we live in Canada. Talks to him almost every night. Is very private about thier conversation. Has become very private about everything since she has moved to a different room in the house. She has met him once for 3 days. I knew about it (Not sure of an affair?). I have been very jealous and told her so but she says we are over and what she does is her own business. I have also told her the risk she is taking. Says she cares about him alot and would like to visit him for 3 weeks to see if it will work. I think she is crazy to do this am I being nieve? I have agreed that she can stay in the house until she can get herself on her feet and I do what I can to help. I know she wants out asap though. With the kids she would leave the older four with me and take our youngest when she moves out. I agreed but with my youngest I would not agree to her taking her out of the city we live. She is very angry with that. I said I want access to my youngest and will do everything I can to keep it that way. She believes I am being selfish as I will have the other kids and she would not stop me from seeing our youngest. Anyway I am no angel in the relationship and have seen my shortfalls some I can change but some of my traits are just who I am. At this point I would take her back, do what I could to repair the relationship, but if she does go visit this guy I don't think that would be an option anymore. The hardest part is letting go of my feelings for her (very difficult) I just can't see throwing away 18yrs and the effect on the kids (the two oldest know, the younger ones dont yet, not sure when to tell them). Thanks for letting me vent. Kiteflyer
Simplycaroline Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 First, I never thought I would post on a forum, but I looked at some posting and threads and well why not try. I have been married for 17 yrs, have 5 kids - 15, 12, 10, 7, 4. This past Feb my wife said it was over. From Feb to Apr she was not sure of her decision. But since April it has definately ended. Not really sure how to explain what happened but in a nut shell she has said these things to me. "You don't meet my emotional or physical needs and I just don't love you anymore. I have felt trapped in our relationship and I need my freedom to find out who I am. I need to find my soul mate and you are not that person. I hope I still have time left in my life to find him. It has been hard for me to come to this. I have cried many times and given you many opportunities to change. I have realized that we are just not compatible and we never have been. We never really married for love." Anyway that is some of her statements. At least from what I can remember. She had some hard times of depression prior to her announcement and still does at times (In and out) She is seeing a counsellor for it. I have talked to her about going to counselling but she does not want to we are done. Since then she has met someone online. He live in the Southern US we live in Canada. Talks to him almost every night. Is very private about thier conversation. Has become very private about everything since she has moved to a different room in the house. She has met him once for 3 days. I knew about it (Not sure of an affair?). I have been very jealous and told her so but she says we are over and what she does is her own business. I have also told her the risk she is taking. Says she cares about him alot and would like to visit him for 3 weeks to see if it will work. I think she is crazy to do this am I being nieve? I have agreed that she can stay in the house until she can get herself on her feet and I do what I can to help. I know she wants out asap though. With the kids she would leave the older four with me and take our youngest when she moves out. I agreed but with my youngest I would not agree to her taking her out of the city we live. She is very angry with that. I said I want access to my youngest and will do everything I can to keep it that way. She believes I am being selfish as I will have the other kids and she would not stop me from seeing our youngest. Anyway I am no angel in the relationship and have seen my shortfalls some I can change but some of my traits are just who I am. At this point I would take her back, do what I could to repair the relationship, but if she does go visit this guy I don't think that would be an option anymore. The hardest part is letting go of my feelings for her (very difficult) I just can't see throwing away 18yrs and the effect on the kids (the two oldest know, the younger ones dont yet, not sure when to tell them). Thanks for letting me vent. Kiteflyer If she wants to leave and go be with some man that she has only met over the internet and the phone then by all means she should go. HOWEVER, she should not be allowed to drag not ONE of of your children into her idiotic trapes to a strange place and relationship that will not work I can promise you.
Nomad1 Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 There is nothing you can do. You have 5 children to think about! Very tough! The woman is clearly out of her mind! Follow the path of minimum resistance. I feel for you man. Nomad1
3grlzmom Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 First of all, you are being way too easy on her. If she is that ready to leave the relationship, you need to let her go. Don't give her a place to stay, son't help her get on her feet - nothing. If it hasn't gotten so bad that she can still live in the same house with you then it isn't that bad. I'm speaking from experience here. When I got ready to leave, I took all three of my kids and got out. I got a job, found a place to stay, and got on with my life. It can be done. Second, you have a real fruit loop on your hands if she is willing to split her kids up like that. You too for that matter if you are willing to let her do it. Do you realize that the kids that got left behind will think there is some reason she didn't want them. Also, the little one will wonder why you didn't fight harder to keep him/her. Siblings need each other - especially when their world is being torn apart by the most important adults in their lives. My stupid ex wanted to split our girls up. He was going to take one and LET me have the other two. Now after the divorce, we have very open visitation, but he never visits the older girls. They are developing alot of anger toward him. Finally, it sounds like she is really having a life crisis. You need to understand that you can only help her if she lets you. Otherwise, your priority has to be those children - then yourself. You need to take action now. Start documenting her behavior, contact a lawyer. Being the man, you are historically behind the eightball in the situation. Get ahead of it proactively to protect yourself. Good luck.
LoyalGirl Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Second, you have a real fruit loop on your hands if she is willing to split her kids up like that. You too for that matter if you are willing to let her do it. Do you realize that the kids that got left behind will think there is some reason she didn't want them. Also, the little one will wonder why you didn't fight harder to keep him/her. Siblings need each other - especially when their world is being torn apart by the most important adults in their lives. This is such true insight! You should NEVER split those kids up!
Author kiteflyer Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 Thank you for your comment. I confronted her today that if she goes to see this guy then she needs to get out of the house and be on her own. She didn't like that but this is the choices she is making. She cant have her cake and eat it too. Kiteflyer
Simplycaroline Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Thank you for your comment. I confronted her today that if she goes to see this guy then she needs to get out of the house and be on her own. She didn't like that but this is the choices she is making. She cant have her cake and eat it too. Kiteflyer Good for you! I bet lover boy doesn't want her and 5 kids.
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