skydancing Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 You can read the backstory about my situation from previous posts. But in summary, he broke up with me three months ago because he didn't think it was going to work out in the future. It's been three months and I am still suffering so much. Today I had the thought that the reason he broke up with me is because I am not as good as him. I'm Catholic, he is Jewish. His grandmother and father hated me because I wasn't their religion, even if they aren't practicing. They think that Catholics are poor and unsophisticated. We went to the same Ivy league school, but he had better grades than I and he is going to a medical school that is much higher ranked than the one that I will probably get into this year. I come from a lower middle class family from New England. He comes from a high middle class family from an affluent town near NYC. I want to go into primary care as a doctor. He wants to go into radiology, which makes tons more money. He has a ton of friends. I mean a TON. I am struggling to get by socially. I have a few close friends but I haven't been out in the city that I moved to yet. I am actually spending the entire weekend alone. He has a ton of guys to help him forget me, and a lot of cute girls who he can hook up with. I am weak because I get depressed. He seems to get over things easily. His parents support him fully (and were influences in his deciding to leave me). My parents have always made things difficult for me - especially emotionally. He will probably have a better life than me. For the year that we were together, I supported him 100%. I was there for him in his most stressful times, put my needs aside for his life. I supported him in his greatness. I support everyone in my life 100%. I was alone my entire Senior year, except for him. I hate that I suck at life so much. I try to do things for myself but I feel no joy. Today I contemplated going to the ER for some medication. I have been trying to phone a psychiatrist all week but no one will take my insurance. I feel like I am at the end of my rope. Stupid, too. We met up last week for the first time post-break up. He spent 4 hours with me, not the 1 we agreed to. He listened to me. He bought me dinner. He laughed with me. But I know deep down he thinks he is better than me. I suppose that I am just venting here. I gave him everything, and I was treated like nothing. I wish I was good enough.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 I wish I was good enough. You are! He's just too stupid/programmed/busy looking at himself in a mirror to realize it. Hugs to you. You'll find a REAL smart guy eventually.
Eve Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 Please stop beating yourself up in place of receiveing his kind words. You are wise enough to know when someone needs support, do not EVER fraction yourself out of this equation. You are kind, smart and supportive, do not be blinded by material wealth. You could be the whole package if you believed in yourself. I would advise that you re-evaluate your perceptions on what selflessness is. Maybe Maslows theory of 'unconditional regard' could help? I think that your main issue is not what is said but what is unsaid.. Take care of yourself Honey.. Eve xx
Final Girl Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 OMG...you went to an Ivy League school..you have an amazing future?? I worked in Vietnam post-conflict...THOSE people have nothing!!!! Will you STOP being sooo pathetic??? and self pitying?? Ok so you miss the guy you thought you'd spend your life with...join the club! :rolleyes:
Final Girl Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 OMG...you went to an Ivy League school..you have an amazing future?? I worked in Vietnam post-conflict...THOSE people have nothing!!!! Will you STOP being sooo pathetic??? and self pitying?? Ok so you miss the guy you thought you'd spend your life with...join the club! :rolleyes: I forgot to add...get a grip!!!
ioncebelieved Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Yep, he really is better than you!!! Come on!! Give yourself credit! There is NOBODY better than me!!! You hear me???? NO ONE!!! You should be thinking the same thing. That religion thing is ridiculous anyways!! I have my religious beliefs, but I certainly would not hold it against a partner if they were not my religion unless... if it were a few religions. That may sound hypocritical of me, but I have my standards. I would not have a problem with a jewish woman. I may if she was orthodox. Stand up and feel strong!
D-Lish Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 It is so ridiculous to me when I hear stories of people passing judgement over others for not holding the same religious views. The hypocrisy is monumental. Do the doctrines teach love and tolerance or foster discrimination and arrogance? My ex husband's parents hated me because I was an atheist and they were catholic. The whole thing is ridiculous to me. Do you really believe this guy thinks he is better than you? He's not. Don't you dare internalize such a notion. It sounds like you have spent far too long making sacrifices for someone else.... it's time to start looking after you.
Trialbyfire Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I'm not sure he thinks deep down he's better than you. I think this is what you believe. More than anything, this is a difference in lifestyle and compatibility. It seems that he needs something you're unable to give. Add in family pressure and it's difficult to maintain a long-term relationship. Don't do this to yourself. By beating yourself up, you self-prophesize yourself downwards. Be proud of what you've accomplished under less than ideal circumstances.
RecordProducer Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I don't know if I should treat your problem as a love problem or a self-esteem problem. You are an IVY Leage school graduate, med student from a decent family and you question your worth on paper? I don't know if he made you feel like that or if you're going to feel this way with anyone who went to better school or makes more money than you. Worth is not measured in figures. Much less happiness. You are in a very competitive environment, in which getting into a great school or being matched with a "fancy" residency is so difficult, that those who get less than what they wanted feel like they failed in life. I know a few young, handsome Jewish doctors and I think they are boring and unsophisticated. Some of them are married to unattractive and uneducated wives. Just get over him. He broke up with you, who cares why? It's either the religion gap or he's just not that into you. We never really know why people break up with us and we shouldn't waste energy wondering why.
Angel1111 Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I think you just feel inferior to him and are inventing this stuff in your head. Seriously, you are awesome and you're going to be a huge success at no matter what you do. But people like you are often very self-critical and it's something you might want to learn to recognize in yourself because you have extremely high standards ('perfectionistic' comes to mind) and you're your own worst critic. Learn to laugh at yourself every now and then - it'll add some levity to your life. The truth is, most people who are highly outgoing and social (him) are most often attracted to people who are calmer and quieter than them (you) because they need that kind of person in their lives to calm them down. If he's highly driven and you have a calm and centered personality, it probably made him feel very much at peace to be around you. I don't know why he broke up with you but if he got pressure from his family and that was the only real reason, who knows what can happen. Especially given that he spent 4 hrs with you. And, btw, I know a Jewish guy who married a Catholic. Happens all the time. So what did the two of you talk about in those 4 hrs? Did he tell you he missed you, or give any sign that he wants to get back with you?
Author skydancing Posted October 5, 2008 Author Posted October 5, 2008 Hi guys. Thanks for all of your honest replies. I suppose that some of the stress is coming from the fact that he never gave a full explanation of what happened. Last weekend, I think he was opening his heart up to me about his life. His social circle has been changing a lot. At the end of the meeting, I noted the bottle of wine that he had on the kitchen counter and asked if it was for celebrating the end of his last exam. He said, "No, maybe it is for when I get lonely in here." I was kind of shocked to hear him say that, since he wasn't kidding like he usually would. But I am not going to read into it too much. Oh yeah, I didn't mention something a bit critical here. His brother is a drug addict and has been threatening suicide for months. He lived at home this summer with him and his parents. Also, his uncle/neighbor committed suicide in May. He doesn't like to talk about either situation at all (not that I asked him much about it). I don't think either of these have to do with the break up, but I wanted to clarify how difficult it is to get information out of him about serious things.
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