cheezy100 Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 would you break up with a guy you're dating because your family dislikes him and would never accept him?
Ocean-Blue Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 Is it really never? Maybe it's just that they need time to digest everything. My parents weren't exactly thrilled with my relationship. This was almost entirely for reasons not related to my bf. My parents were hung up on my ex and had trouble letting go. You might find that your family ends up being supportive. But you have to wonder about their reasons for disapproval. What is it about him that they don't like?
Trialbyfire Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 No I wouldn't unless they had sound reasons as to why. The man I'm currently dating isn't someone my parents approve of. We had a two hour discussion where they backed down to quietly disapproving. I understand where they're coming from and would hate to drive a rift between us but on the otherhand, it's my life. Their reasons weren't sound, especially since they've never met him and refuse to do so. They're just waiting for him to go away...
Walk Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 Actually, I've found that when my family and friends disapproved of a guy I was dating then in most cases it was because they saw something I was blinding myself to. Usually when friends and family all see the same thing wrong with a person you're dating, then they're the ones that are seeing the truth. If you believe that your family would intentionally drive away a guy that was good for you simply for the sake of being spiteful, then you have bigger issues in life then just who you're dating. If you feel your parents and siblings don't know the real man and are making snap judgements about him without knowing all the facts, then you need to talk to your family about that. If all you are sharing are the bad parts, then you can't really be pissed at your family for only seeing the bad parts. I would take your families opinions into careful consideration.
Author cheezy100 Posted October 5, 2008 Author Posted October 5, 2008 Actually, I've found that when my family and friends disapproved of a guy I was dating then in most cases it was because they saw something I was blinding myself to. Usually when friends and family all see the same thing wrong with a person you're dating, then they're the ones that are seeing the truth. If you believe that your family would intentionally drive away a guy that was good for you simply for the sake of being spiteful, then you have bigger issues in life then just who you're dating. If you feel your parents and siblings don't know the real man and are making snap judgements about him without knowing all the facts, then you need to talk to your family about that. If all you are sharing are the bad parts, then you can't really be pissed at your family for only seeing the bad parts. I would take your families opinions into careful consideration. what you said is honestly true. I'm not pissed at my family, but it's just the stress I'm getting from them. Them making things so complicated for what I used to call "my happy relationship." I know they're trying to protect me and their advice I know make sense and I'm aware. But my gut instincts tell me that this guy isn't that bad. He's not a nice guy, and he's not a bad guy. He calls himself "the genuine guy." The honest truths about him and I that I tell them, seems to backfire at me. But for them having not met him long enough and understanding him, I feel like they are being judgemental by just only the negative facts I say about him. I want them to observe and meet him and see if what I say actually correlates to the negatives. But maybe there are positives that I didn't bother to mention, that i only pick out the negatives about him to tell my family. In a way, I blame myself for the mess I made. I shouldn't have told them at the beginning about him.
Walk Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 The honest truths about him and I that I tell them, seems to backfire at me. But for them having not met him long enough and understanding him, I feel like they are being judgemental by just only the negative facts I say about him. I want them to observe and meet him and see if what I say actually correlates to the negatives. But maybe there are positives that I didn't bother to mention, that i only pick out the negatives about him to tell my family. In a way, I blame myself for the mess I made. I shouldn't have told them at the beginning about him. I don't know your backstory with this guy, so I don't know what type of guy he is... but my suggestion: Have a one on one talk with your family member(s) about your relationship and their concerns. Let them know you take their thoughts and feelings seriously. Talk to your bf about their concerns and change the things that are most serious.. i.e. like him driving you some where after he's been drinking. Your family loves you and wants you around for a very long time. You owe it to them not to put yourself in dangerous situations like that. You wouldn't like it one bit either if your sister/brother intentionally rode with someone who'd been drinking. If your bf is for making changes that will help your family feel more at ease with the relationship then tell your family about it. Highlight the things your bf does that help you in life, or make you happy. And explain to them that you want their approval, but that this is the man you love and want in your life. In my life, I've found it's more productive to give my parents a chance to air all their grievances. I listen, I validate what they say, I try to see it from their point of view. When they're done, I try find alternatives that would help them feel more comfortable with my decisions, but overall I remind them that I am a smart woman and I hope that they would have the confidence in my judgement to make the right decision. Afterall, they raised me to have good judgement and be the capable woman I am. Kind of twists it back onto them by reminding them that they did teach you how to be a successful adult.
Art_Critic Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I'm a guy but I'll apply your question in reverse... No... But... every time my family has said something and I didn't listen to them I wished I had after the breakup after I did some hindsight on things.. My family was good on tuning in to how they treated me in areas I never saw...
Author cheezy100 Posted October 5, 2008 Author Posted October 5, 2008 I'm a guy but I'll apply your question in reverse... No... But... every time my family has said something and I didn't listen to them I wished I had after the breakup after I did some hindsight on things.. My family was good on tuning in to how they treated me in areas I never saw... did you ever regret for not listening to them? I mean, my family says that I would look back when that time comes if I break up with my bf...saying that "i have just wasted my time with him." Personally, I don't know if I will break up with him or end up marrying him. But one thing I know is that I won't regret or feel like I wasted my time dating this guy. I had fun, I was happy, maybe I would be sad too...but that's all part of the package with relationships, is it not? This would be part of my memory and experience that builds up and I'll learn from them. How can that be a waste of time? I know that outsiders can see things that I cannot see when I'm "blinded by love." And when everyone is saying the same thing, something's wrong. Although my family is saying the same damn thing all the time, it's based on my verbal facts I tell them. They haven't even met him for that long, 10 minutes!!! One of them hasn't even met him at all and told me to break it off!!! WTF? not being pissed off, but honestly, I dislike ppl being judgemental. I hate judging ppl without knowing them first. My family is being those ppl I hate right now. I see good and bad things in my bf, and I'm able to tolerate them. It's my family that can't seem to tolerate them. This is the time when I don't know whether to listen to my family or not.
Art_Critic Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 did you ever regret for not listening to them? I mean, my family says that I would look back when that time comes if I break up with my bf...saying that "i have just wasted my time with him." Regret.. no.. but I am one that always accepts responsibility for my decisions and moves forward not backward so when I looked back with hindsight and wished I had listened to them it was more in relation to live and learn for the next time.. If your guy has issues with drugs or alcohol or anything bad like that then I would think listening to your family might be wise.. If he doesn't then you will live and learn from a relationship with him. Isn't that what dating is ?.. finding what you want thru discovering what you don't want ? You can't know what you don't want until you encounter it first and realize it doesn't work for you.
Sks Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 I would not date a female who my family disproved of as I have the same standards as they do.
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