Sideburns Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 So... Last year I got out of a relationship with a girl that was not good to me. We parted our ways and I resolved (like so many other men before, I'm sure) to never let myself get into a bad relationship like that again and furthermore I was going to go out and party and catch up on lost time with my friends. Some months later...She walks through the door. Of course, true to the adage that you'll find it once you stop looking. Problem, she walks through the door with someone I know. In the past I may have called this person a friend. After this I spent much time contemplating what I was going to do. I made myself very present in her life but I was nothing but a gentleman, however I know what my intentions were. I was afraid of seeming dishonest and misleading so I told her what my intentions were early on. Things progressed quickly and we wound up seeing each other effectively making me the Other Man. Not something I am proud of, but I made my choice and it was for her. This has been going on far too long and every day it gets worse and worse...I'm scared that I've fallen in love with this woman, and she is in a "relationship" (not by my standards) with someone that I would call a) an alright guy and b) a bad boyfriend by all accounts....He is admittedly in love with another woman...So. I'm a bit frustrated. I told her long ago that she has to tell him. Not just for her, but for me. I need to tell this person for my own soul but I can't until she does less she sees it as some sort of ploy. I am just looking for resolution. Finally we have arrived to the part of the story where I am looking for advice. I need to know exactly what to say to this person before she talks to him....These are my thoughts. *Also keep in mind she has to tell him first. (I'm going to call them Dan and Alice) "Dan, I am prepared for you to hate me and I understand that but Alice and I have been seeing each other for awhile. There is nothing that I can do to un-ring this bell but I can try and make everything honest for the sake of my own soul and everyone moving forward. I'm sorry for having wronged you." I figure he'll listen, I doubt he'll take a swing at me...I don't know what he'll say though, but I'm prepared to answer any questions etc... Any suggestions on what I should say to this person because I need to know, I can't go into this blind. I feel like it's not enough, and that he'll be looking for answers, but I don't want to volunteer too much. I'll answer anything he asks of me. What should I do/say? Any help or constructive criticism is much appreciated. -S
torranceshipman Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 I really advise you NOT to do this (and I'm a poster that usually always says tell the truth and bring things out in the open!). This is because you sound like you want to tell the boyfriend so you can 'get the girl'. That's going to create bad drama for everyone in the situation-why not tell her instead that you are leaving her, wont see her again, that you'll start dating other girls and that you wouldnt consider seeing her again until she's single? If she's truly in love with you, she'll tell him herself, pretty quickly! Then she'll come and find you and...problem solved! If she was playing you a bit, she wont, but best to find that out now. If you do this, I think she'll hate you for telling him, and I don't think she'll want to be with you anymore as a result.
norajane Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 You're assuming 1) she will tell him, and 2) that you'll end up with the girl. Neither is a safe assumption. She might choose him if you force the issue; she might dump you instead of him. Because, really, she's only dating him - she's not married to him. So if she wanted to be with you, why wouldn't she just break-up with him?
DealingWDrama Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 It's up to her to tell him...or if the two of you want to sit down with him together and tell him then that is ok too. Why not break it off with her until she makes up her mind...it's not a competition and there has to be a reason why she is still with him...
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