how do i gain confidence about the way I look?

[Trialbyfire]

So, in being externally sensitive to opinion, how would a scenario like this affect you?

 

Person A: You're beautiful and nice.

Person B: Sheesh, quit being a pushover.

Person C: Doormat.

Person D: Are you sure you're beautiful? Beautiful people know they're beautiful.

Person E: Stop it, pandagirl is nice AND she's beautiful.

 

You don't need to say publically how it would affect you but if the negativity does affect you that much, it's self-defeating.

[pandagirl]

So, in being externally sensitive to opinion, how would a scenario like this affect you?

 

Person A: You're beautiful and nice.

Person B: Sheesh, quit being a pushover.

Person C: Doormat.

Person D: Are you sure you're beautiful? Beautiful people know they're beautiful.

Person E: Stop it, pandagirl is nice AND she's beautiful.

 

You don't need to say publically how it would affect you but if the negativity does affect you that much, it's self-defeating.

 

I guess, my reactions would be in the following order:

 

1. I'm not a doormat

2. I'm glad people recognize I'm a nice person

3. They think I'm beautiful? I'm not beautiful.

[Trialbyfire]

I guess, my reactions would be in the following order:

 

1. I'm not a doormat

2. I'm glad people recognize I'm a nice person

3. They think I'm beautiful? I'm not beautiful.

Take it deeper. Do you always break down the components? How would the overall scenario make you feel? Does it make you feel good about yourself?

[Final Girl]

If you KNOW you run yourself down, why don't you work hard to NOT??

[pandagirl]

Take it deeper. Do you always break down the components? How would the overall scenario make you feel? Does it make you feel good about yourself?

 

It would make me uncomfortable that people were even paying attention to me and judging me; would make me feel self-conscious. At the same time, I always want to know what people think about me. Doesn't really make sense. I guess whenever anyone shares an opinion about me, I question it, wondering if it's true or not. "Am I like that?" "Is this how people perceive me?" "That can't be true, is it?" For instance, now that I'm in therapy, I have to constantly have to refrain myself from asking her: "What do you think of me?" "Am I messed up?"

 

Growing up, I was always a bit of a loner. I never felt like I fit in anywhere, and while I had the opportunities to join difffernt cliques and groups, I always preferred just to do my own thing, on my own terms. Which is why I find it odd that I place so much importance on what other's think of me!

[pandagirl]

If you KNOW you run yourself down, why don't you work hard to NOT??

 

I wish I knew! I am trying. I can't remember a time in my life when I thought differently though. It's hard to change.

[Final Girl]

Yes I guess I know...but baby steps can make all the difference!! You need to listen to your friends as well as you do to yourself lol!!

[Trialbyfire]

Whoah, now that I know you're in therapy, I'm going to step back a bit. If you have a good rapport with your therapist, especially trust, and are deeply honest with her/him, they can help you create your own coping tools.

 

Just remember that you fuel yourself. If you need to look to opinions for validation of some form, some of the time which everyone does to an extent as a way to self-audit, look to people you respect. The rest don't matter.

[marlena]

Panda,

 

Being "nice",whether or not you cultivate it, is one of your better attributes. Instead of criticizing yourself for it, why not praise your self for it and be proud that you are so understanding and compassionate. There is nothing wrong with being nice as long as you know where to draw the line between being nice and being a doormat.

 

Wanting other people's approval and validation is a basic human need. Like TBF said, what is important is discriminating between the people whose opinion you respect and those whose opinion you could care less about. If you build up confidence in yourself by trusting the person that you are, that should not be so hard to do. We can't fit in always and with just anyone and thank goodness for that.

 

We all have our insecurities. As we grow older, we become stronger. Experience and all the valuabe lessons it teaches us is what strengthens our character and emboldens us to stick by our guns and be true to those principles that define us and differentiate us from the rest of the crowd. Wear your "otherness" proudly.

 

As for your appearance, take pride in your flaws and turn them into assets. In today's day and age, with all the tools available to us, anyone can look great.

 

Stop worrying about others and to yourself be true.

[SushiX]

If you don't believe that you're attractive, cute and beautiful, then who's gonna believe you. Believe in yourself dear. Check out my avatar, yeah thats me. I dont consider myself handsome, but I carry myself confidently as if I can care less to get with them. Somehow they fall for me.

[Star Gazer]

This may sound weird, but I've always assumed you were gorgeous.

 

Just do as my mentor says: Fake it until you make it. Believe it until you are.

 

[pandagirl]

This may sound weird, but I've always assumed you were gorgeous.

 

Just do as my mentor says: Fake it until you make it. Believe it until you are.

 

 

That is actually very sound advice! The more you do, the more you will believe.

 

And that is funny that you assumed I was "gorgeous." I'll take that as a compliment, but really, I am just me, gorgeous or not (more the latter!).

[Yamaha]

You need to quit looking for others to validate you. Value is something that you give yourself. Being nice and funny, smart, interesting, being a good friend are all valuable qualities and in the long run much more important than being beautiful ( not saying that your not ). Start thinking of yourself as valuable and in time you will start believing it.

[pandagirl]

You need to quit looking for others to validate you. Value is something that you give yourself. Being nice and funny, smart, interesting, being a good friend are all valuable qualities and in the long run much more important than being beautiful ( not saying that your not ). Start thinking of yourself as valuable and in time you will start believing it.

 

I think I am nice and funny, smart, interesting and a good friend. I excel at all those things, which is why I have a exceptional group of friends. It's easy for me to make friends. People like me. I am a likable person.

 

But, for some reason, my value as a desirable romantic partner is in the gutter.

[Yamaha]

But, for some reason, my value as a desirable romantic partner is in the gutter.

 

I know if someone shows interest in you many times it creates interest.

 

1.Do you see guys that your interested in?

2.How do you let them know that your interested?

3.If they don't seem to return your interest do you feel rejected and blame yourself?

 

Learn to think of yourself as sexy and desirable. It will enable you to flirt and feel good about yourself. People are attracted to outgoing people and although you have no problem developing friendships you need to create a romantic interest in yourself that others see and respond to. Guys will stop thinking of you as the nice friend and see you as a sexy women that they want more from than friendship. It requires you to do some changes in the way you interact with people. Do more touching and eye contact.