Katie29 Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 I met a guy at my new job 3 weeks ago. I'm in a training class for 9 weeks, with 15 other people. He is younger than me, I'm 28 he is 21. He took interest in me from day one. We take our breaks and lunches together everyday. We text each other all day in class and he calls me almost every night. Our phone conversations last anywhere from 1 to 2 hours. He compliments me several times a day, telling me how pretty he thinks I'am. I always catch him looking at me, and when I do he always has a big grin on his face. He is very flirtatious with me and touchy. I don't think I would anticipate a relationship with a guy that much younger, but I would have enjoyed going out and having fun. Maybe even a hook up. Earlier this week I got a text from him saying "you are the kind of girl, I could get attached to" so I responded with "if that is true, why haven't you asked me out"? He then said he wasn't looking for anything serious right now. I said "what made you think I was looking to date you? He didn't know what to say to that. I think I surprised him with that answer. I just told him I would like to get together outside of work and have some fun. He said he would like that too, but he hasn't mentioned it since. Then a few days ago, another guy at work, asked me out. My "crush" found out about it and asked me if I was going to go out with the other guy. I told him I wasn't interested and he goes "good, he couldn't do you right, anyway" He always asks me what I'm doing on a particular evening, just so he can know. He knows I date casually and I think he is always asking, just to see if I went out with another guy. I don't understand it. He treats me like we are dating, yet he doesn't ask me out. He is the one who told me "age is just a number" so I don't think that bothers him. And he knows that he could "hook up" with me, so I don't think he is just trying to get laid. What is going on?
Angel1111 Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 On the decision level, it doesn't matter what's going on with him or how he feels about you. I say this all the time - and usually get bashed for it - but I'll say it again just for the sake of stirring the pot: There is no such thing as a casual relationship and you're kidding yourself if you think that you will date or sleep with this guy and it won't get serious. Several years down the road, you'll find yourself in a relationship with a guy who's 7 yrs younger than you and at the age of 40, he'll be 33, ready to move on to other things. I have a friend in this very situation. She is now 42 and they're separated. One of the button-pushing remarks that he used in the middle of arguments was, "Maybe I just need to be with someone younger!" This is not even remotely amusing. Is this guy into you? Yes. And I'm guessing that he's involved with someone else which is why he doesn't ask you out. Or your age really does bug him, which he's not EVER going to admit to if he wants to get you in bed. I doubt that's his whole motive but it doesn't really matter. Don't get involved with him and don't kid yourself that it won't get serious. It most likely will and you could end up spending years on a relationship that will most likely fall apart. And stop taking pride in the fact that you're open to a casual relationship. Men aren't impressed with that at all. He's too young to be involved with someone that many yrs ahead of him. Find amusement in his little boy crush but don't let it go any further. If he were older and very, very mature, it may not matter. But he's not and you're playing with fire.
D-Lish Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 Several years down the road, you'll find yourself in a relationship with a guy who's 7 yrs younger than you and at the age of 40, he'll be 33, ready to move on to other things. I have a friend in this very situation. She is now 42 and they're separated. One of the button-pushing remarks that he used in the middle of arguments was, "Maybe I just need to be with someone younger!" Hmm- in my situation, my ex husband was 6 years younger than me... and he knocked up a woman who is 6 years older than me!!! They are now married with two kids... (it's amusing to me now... but it wasn't at the time). I think the guy is saying what he means- that you are the kind of girl he could get attached to- and he is afraid to go there. On the other hand, he doesn't want you to be with anyone else either. Don't stop the dating process for him- go out with other guys- friend-zone him for the time being. He is only 21- and therefore not as ideally mature as you are. He likes you. I am sure if he thought you were considering going out with someone else he'd jump into Alpha mode. Let him catch you chatting with the other guy that asked you out and see how that stirs things up! Just don't wait around for him to make the move. What's so strange about human nature is that if you started to pull away and act like you don't care as much.... it will strike a chord with him. That's what is happening with you right? You have put yourself out there and he isn't taking the bait... and it's getting to you. Turn the tables girl.
pretty professional Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 Honestly, he's just not that into you. I don't even think if you do start seeing another guy he'll ask you out. He isn't asking you out and he isn't going to. Sorry.
D-Lish Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 Honestly, he's just not that into you. I don't even think if you do start seeing another guy he'll ask you out. He isn't asking you out and he isn't going to. Sorry. Um, they've had ONE date. It's really too soon to make such a bold statement. I have kept people at arms length over the course of a couple dates before letting up a bit. She should do the date- go from there.
shykitty Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 I met a guy at my new job 3 weeks ago. I'm in a training class for 9 weeks, with 15 other people. He is younger than me, I'm 28 he is 21. He took interest in me from day one. We take our breaks and lunches together everyday. We text each other all day in class and he calls me almost every night. Our phone conversations last anywhere from 1 to 2 hours. He compliments me several times a day, telling me how pretty he thinks I'am. I always catch him looking at me, and when I do he always has a big grin on his face. He is very flirtatious with me and touchy. I don't think I would anticipate a relationship with a guy that much younger, but I would have enjoyed going out and having fun. Maybe even a hook up. Earlier this week I got a text from him saying "you are the kind of girl, I could get attached to" so I responded with "if that is true, why haven't you asked me out"? He then said he wasn't looking for anything serious right now. I said "what made you think I was looking to date you? He didn't know what to say to that. I think I surprised him with that answer. I just told him I would like to get together outside of work and have some fun. He said he would like that too, but he hasn't mentioned it since. Then a few days ago, another guy at work, asked me out. My "crush" found out about it and asked me if I was going to go out with the other guy. I told him I wasn't interested and he goes "good, he couldn't do you right, anyway" He always asks me what I'm doing on a particular evening, just so he can know. He knows I date casually and I think he is always asking, just to see if I went out with another guy. I don't understand it. He treats me like we are dating, yet he doesn't ask me out. He is the one who told me "age is just a number" so I don't think that bothers him. And he knows that he could "hook up" with me, so I don't think he is just trying to get laid. What is going on? I don't think he's a player or just playing games. I think he's just a bit shy. If you actually wanted something to happen faster, and you approached him..and not just sent him a text..I think he'd be more clear of his intentions. Tell him...let's go to this cool restaurant, I've had a rough day. If he turns you down..then he's a chump. If not, there you go. Now, if you, yourself, have no real intention of being with this guy...but are just tagging along for the ride...then that's different too.
Balthazar Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 There are definitely things I don't like here. I will circumvent the age difference for the moment. His attraction for you is certain; he has done quite enough to make that crystal clear. But he won't actually ask you out, despite your hints. What is inhibiting him? Well, he may still live with his parents. Alternatively, he may not be financially independent. He may be daunted by your maturity. As Angel said, he may even be seeing someone else. It could be a combination of the above factors that prevents him from taking that final step. What can you do about this? If you really like him, you could take the initiative and plan a date with him. Present him with some fun activity you could both go on and use your feminine charms. God knows that at 21 he is horny pretty much all the time, so you won't have to do much. CHeers,
pretty professional Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 Um, they've had ONE date. It's really too soon to make such a bold statement. I have kept people at arms length over the course of a couple dates before letting up a bit. She should do the date- go from there. She said he hadn't asked her out on a date yet, even after she point blank asked him why. The scenario is this: 1. He is getting an ego boost from her and/or 2. He has a girlfriend. And that's the story, my friend. He has had plenty of opportunity to ask her out and has taken every opportunity to avoid doing so...verdict - just not that into her.
Jilly Bean Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 I think he's behaving like a typical 21-year old, who has the emotional maturity of a 13-year old girl. Yes, he's playing games, but probably not intentionally. He's too young to know the rules yet - lol. I think ANYONE who is looking to get involved with someone so young has to expect this type of scenario. 21 is REALLY young. So, you have told him you don't want to date, but only have sex, and he still isn't taking you up on it? Again, it's a result of his immaturity, and knowing he has bitten off more than he can chew. You are 28, experienced, and sexually forward. All things that a man closer to your age will appreciate, but at 21, I think he's too intimidated. I'd move on entirely from this. I don't see how ultimately anything will be worthwhile here.
Sequoia Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 He sounds like he is about to waste your time and energy. I would treat him like a friend and not even bother to initiate dating.I know some 21 yr olds that would give him a run for his money.If he doesnt want to date you so be it but please dont let him waste your time and energy.
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