Why do I have suched a bad mindset towards potential relationship girls I meet?

[Superdude87]

So I met this chick a few weeks ago in one of my classes, and so far things are going good. She's really cute, down to earth, and most importantly seems responsible and not a wild partier, something I try to avoid. Obviously it's too early to assume anything as far as a relationship goes, but so far it seems as if there's a mutual interest and I'm sure we'll end up hanging out and getting to know each other better outside of school.

 

So here's my problem, and this sounds horrible, but I can't help but feel like I can do better than her, yet there's really nothing wrong with this chick at all!! I do this all the time, so I know this isn't an isolated situation. Whenever I meet a cool girl that seems like she could be potential gf material, I find things wrong with her or reasons NOT to pursue it further. Everyone has faults, I know that, but I tend to pick them out and use them as excuses to just say "forget it", which is really stupid I know.

 

Maybe I have a fear of committment, a fear of getting close to somebody. I don't know. I've been in one long relationship with a girl for 3 years, and looking back I know I settled. She was horrible for me in so many ways. I mean, we had good times and had a good relationship but the things she did and the way she acted were just ridiculous sometimes and she had a lot of growing up to do. Maybe this is preventing me from even attempting to get close to somebody, maybe I'm afraid that there's somebody even the slightest bit better for me out there, and I should hold out for her. I don't want to feel like this but I can't help it.

 

So there's no way I'm NOT her to hang out. In fact she already asked for my number yesterday, just in case she "needed help with her homework over the weekend she could call me" haha, pretty smooth huh? I thought so. So I've already got her number, I'm sure we'll go out sometime soon. I need to force myself to just let things happen instead of worrying about every little tiny detail and worrying about ****. I need to stop thinking like this so I guess the only way to do that is ignore it and just see what happens.

 

[pandagirl]

How long ago was your last relationship?

 

It sounds like you just aren't ready to be in another relationship right now, or you're afraid of getting close to someone.

 

I wouldn't worry about it too much. The fact that you are recognizing that it's a little weird you're so dismissive of great girls, is a good step towards figuring out what is really wrong.

[Superdude87]

My last relationship ended over a year ago, but she was my first girlfriend and we were together for nearly 3 years. The breakup was horrible, and actually lasted for like 6 months until she ran off and got married. Basically what happened was 2 months after we broke up, she's dating a 30 year old guy (she's 19). 2 months later, she dumps him and attempts to get back with me. I pushed her away, so a month after that she goes back to him and they get married. She's retarded. She still texts me, telling me she misses me and how she made a mistake and stuff. Whatever.

 

The thing is, I'm extremely happy being single in many ways (time for myself, time for friends, etc..) but if the right person comes along I'm totally open for a relationship. I think deep down I'm afraid any relationship I'm in will turn into my first relationship (the one I was in for 3 years). Not just the messy break up part, but during our relationship I just let myself go in so many ways. I stopped working out (something that's very important to me), I stopped seeing friends, and just kinda started floating thru life, spending every waking second with my gf. I had a job, she didn't, so basically she just waited for me to get off work to hang out and had no life outside of me. I'm determined NOT to let this happen in my next relationship. I will find a balance. Oh well, I guess my first gf taught me alot in some ways.

[orangehose]

Wow, superdude, your previous relationship sounds like quite the horror story. And relatively recent, given that it dragged on and she still contacts you.

 

I can understand your cynicism - my own bad experience has infused me with a lot of skepticism towards guys and romance in general. I'm not sure how to get over that, because rationally, the cynicism seems so very warranted.

[Superdude87]

Yeah, I know that I'm not closed to the idea of any relationship whatsoever, but I'll be very cautious about how things go from the beginning, as they can determine the way a relationship is from then on. I'll just be sure to continue doing what makes me happy being single, but try to incorporate the new girl into my life. That's how any relationship should be. I don't want to make her my world (and vice versa) but I want her to be part of it.