MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Well actually its more of a rant, but I digres... here I go. For as long as I can remember dating, men have always been a puzzle to me. I know that it is not fair to want to change a person, but if they are still playig Sega in thier dad's garage at age 26, and your words motivate them to grow up, shouldn't you get some credit? Let me go into things further... When you meet a person (guy or girl) they are one of three things: 1) a person with alot of work ahead of them; not accomplished but on thier way. 2) a person who has already done what they wanted with thier lives, and are comfy in where they are; established. 3) or they are someone with no ambition, goals, or any interest in climbing out of the muck they call life. I ussually meet thefirst and last kind of guy, and often it is hard to tell them apart becuase of lack of comunication on the men's part. The men in the middle are ussually married, gay, or men who are extremely shallow, and only want porn star looking gals on thier arm. Now when I meet a shlub, who has no goals, pick him up, dust him off, and show him how to walk upright and hold a briefcase, once the tranformation is done, we ussually break up. Also when I meet a guy with alot going on, i.e. scool, and other factors, is is wrong of me not to want to put in all the work of helping him along, and invest the time into waiting for him to make it to where he wants to go, because I'm afraid that it'll end up the same as with the shlub once he is done growing? And all the while, I have my own plans, goals and dreams, but am finding it dificult to meet a guy who wants to hold my hand through my journey... Any thoughts?
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 ::Bump:: Look, I know this is a long read, but a little inpuit would be appreciated greatly... From all standpoints of course.
Geishawhelk Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 maybe you're expecting too much. Simply because you're with someone oesn't mean you're joined at the hip. Don't evaluate people by what they do. Evaluate them by what they do to you. Who they are counts more.....
tanbark813 Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Your post sounds like you're looking for an assistant manager to hire rather than an SO. It's way too focused on career, IMO. There's a lot more to a person than that. Also, not to be mean, but if you can only find guys who are losers and can't land one who you consider to be a catch, maybe your standards are too high.
westernxer Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 1) a person with alot of work ahead of them; not accomplished but on thier way. 2) a person who has already done what they wanted with thier lives, and are comfy in where they are; established. 3) or they are someone with no ambition, goals, or any interest in climbing out of the muck they call life. Guys in theirs 20s are rarely in the second category. LOL
kdark Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 A significant other is not a pet project, not a work in the making. They are a human being.
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 I see where you're coming from, from I am looking at the big picture, for someone for the long hall, you know... Of course all of the other stuff comes into play as well, when I am looking for a mate, but I am only discussing this one subject at the moment. Sex, and what we do together, and experience together all come the equation too.
Geishawhelk Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 They should be top of your list, not part of the equasion... Compatibility in emotion, in humour, in communication, in effort, in desire, in commitment.... they should be primary objectives. What they do with their professional time and what ambitions they have, and what they bring to the table, is not an immediate priority. Though I can see that they would need addressing.... after all of the above. Because you see, it's also a question of mutual support. You are far more likely to inspire a man to be ambitious and set his sights higher, if you yourself are confident, capable and serious.... Only, highly ambitious, career-minded women can scare men off.... So maybe you're scary......?
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 You are absolutely right, and sadly most of them are stuck in the third.
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 In reply to your coment, if I thought that were true than I would think the same of myself. I think you misread what i was trying to get across.
Geishawhelk Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 You need to quote...Now i don't know WHO you're talking to!!
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 I just wanted to talk about this one issue when it comes to dating... believe me there are several other things that are important.
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 I appreciate your reply, greatly. Thanks. Without revieling too much into my personal character, I'll take your words in, let them soke, and reflect on them later.
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 You need to quote...Now i don't know WHO you're talking to!! Sorry, I am fresh to this forum... Still figuring out how it works, though I am not new to forums themself, but each layout is different in design, even if by small detail.
All Star Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 You have to click QUOTE when you are replying to a specific post.
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 Guys in theirs 20s are rarely in the second category. LOL Yes this is true...
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 A significant other is not a pet project, not a work in the making. They are a human being. I am not looking for a pet, you misunderstood what I was trying to get across.
All Star Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Why are you so interested in helping a man get to where he wants to be? You can't fix people and make them datable. Why date and man he is not ready to date. Focus on you and don't date anyone who is beneath you. You don't need to mother any man or help him grow up and that may be the problem.
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 Your post sounds like you're looking for an assistant manager to hire rather than an SO. It's way too focused on career, IMO. There's a lot more to a person than that. Also, not to be mean, but if you can only find guys who are losers and can't land one who you consider to be a catch, maybe your standards are too high. Wouldn't my standards be too low, if I keep bumping into losers?
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 Why are you so interested in helping a man get to where he wants to be? You can't fix people and make them datable. Why date and man he is not ready to date. Focus on you and don't date anyone who is beneath you. You don't need to mother any man or help him grow up and that may be the problem. Perhaps it is, and I am my own worse enemy. Thanks for your honesty.
tanbark813 Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Wouldn't my standards be too low, if I keep bumping into losers? No, because you're not dating them. That would only be category 3 anyway and you said you bump into the other two as well. I'm saying that if you can't get someone in category 2, maybe you're not a category 2 person yourself. Or if you don't want guys in category 1, then maybe your standards are too high.
Author MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 No, because you're not dating them. That would only be category 3 anyway and you said you bump into the other two as well. I'm saying that if you can't get someone in category 2, maybe you're not a category 2 person yourself. Or if you don't want guys in category 1, then maybe your standards are too high. What I was saying was why allow myself to get involved with someone who has so much on thier plate, and put in the time and effort, on the chance that it will will deflate in my face again? Its more a question of fear, and the fact that meeting someone and getting married on the first date is ridiculous, if that makes sense. It also ties onto me not wanting anymore children, because ment aren't garanteed that they will stick around and help out when the time comes. I guess my issues are too complex for you to understand.
tanbark813 Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 What I was saying was why allow myself to get involved with someone who has so much on thier plate, and put in the time and effort, on the chance that it will will deflate in my face again? Its more a question of fear, and the fact that meeting someone and getting married on the first date is ridiculous, if that makes sense. It also ties onto me not wanting anymore children, because ment aren't garanteed that they will stick around and help out when the time comes. Well, anything could happen. The guy might leave, or he might cheat, or you might decide you no longer love him, or he might get hit by a bus, or he might get cancer, etc... There's no way of knowing what will happen regardless of what category the guy is in. I guess my issues are too complex for you to understand. No, that's not it.
You'reasian Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 It also ties onto me not wanting anymore children, because ment aren't garanteed that they will stick around and help out when the time comes. I guess my issues are too complex for you to understand. It depends on the relationship. I know of couples whom have been married for over 30 years...how they do this? I should find out...
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