Bells Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 There had been alot of Friendzone's and "Friend's First" type threads. The "Friends First" type threads seem to be a misnomer. Alot of people believe in chemistry...and I hate to say, that I do not (at least I don't THINK I do.) I believe I work in the opposite. I become the friend all the time...first....and my method is to grow some kind of an attachment to the woman. Since a large majority of women seem to believe whole HEARTEDLY in the first few mins rule, and that chemistry IS ESSENTIAL. Could I be S.O.L.? My heart moves in a different direction.
kdark Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Whatever works for you. I pursued my last girlfriend for a year and a half; watched her break up with two boy friends before making my move on her. Granted, we had amazing chemistry, but I was definitely her good friend long before I became her romantic interest. She never said if she was interested in me since we first met... She was very passive. Do you become the friend first by choice or just get lumped into the "friend zone?"
MMinerva Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Well it is true that women know within the first few minutes, if they are going to sleep with a guy, if he has potential to be a keeper, or if he is just a creepy guy, BUT all that can be changed after some time, if the guy proves thier initial thoughts wrong. I can tell you this from personal experience. I had a guy friend who at first struck me as creepy, because he tried too hard to get me to like him. I confronted him on it, and we stopped talking. Agter some time, we reconnected, as our personalities have alot of common traits, and we started hanging out again. Once I saw his real side, and he wasn't throwing out lame jokes, and quirky coments, i started to see him in a different light, and grew feelings for him. So don't fret, friends first is not a bad way to be, actually I think you are smarted than most of us out there, because you are getting to know a person and who they really are before getting involved,a nd months later it falling apart. Good luck!
carhill Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 I become the friend all the time...first....and my method is to grow some kind of an attachment to the woman. I did this for about 20 years. My experience may be anomalous, but I never had any of those type of relationships develop into anything romantic. Personally, I think the best method is making one's romantic intentions (obviously they need to be authentic interest) known in the beginning and, if response is lacking interest, moving on or backing away to LC (not buddy communication) is the next step. Keep all interaction out of the friend-zone. Make sure there is always a sexual edge to any interaction, even if just innocent flirting. What you're doing is defining your boundary; what you will accept and what you won't accept. That's healthy, IMO. The woman can choose to participate or not
Author Bells Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 Whatever works for you. I pursued my last girlfriend for a year and a half; watched her break up with two boy friends before making my move on her. Granted, we had amazing chemistry, but I was definitely her good friend long before I became her romantic interest. She never said if she was interested in me since we first met... She was very passive. Do you become the friend first by choice or just get lumped into the "friend zone?" It's mostly by choice....for instance....my friend brought a female friend with her with our group....it was a dance club....and then she started dancing seductively with this handsome man....she didn't know him...just met him, that's it....then they started to do some heavy kissing....and I was shaking my head thinking, "So this is what they call chemistry??" I can never do that right off the bat. Then I see those blind date TV shows....where they're making out on the first date...I just dont' work that way. I'm a "Familiarization" kind of guy. But if I'm with a woman that within 3 mins makes her final decision....it wont' work, since that's a diff. belief system of hers. SO much I see personal ads, "I believe chemistry is a major factor in two people meeting" Me....not really.
kdark Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 It's mostly by choice....for instance....my friend brought a female friend with her with our group....it was a dance club....and then she started dancing seductively with this handsome man....she didn't know him...just met him, that's it....then they started to do some heavy kissing....and I was shaking my head thinking, "So this is what they call chemistry??" It's not necessarily chemistry that they were having, it's more of a "I'm attracted to you, you're attracted to me, let's make out" thing. Clubs are just a place for people to display their sexual attractiveness, not a place to go looking to find someone you have chemistry with. Chemistry is more than just the physical attraction you feel for a person, it's a combination of your personalities being compatible and the physical aspect. It's the desire you feel to "get to know a delicious new person." IMO, you have good chemistry with someone when after you meet someone, whether it's a date, a co-worker, or a friend's friend, you say "Wow, I would really like to meet/hang out with that girl again." And vice-versa.
carhill Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 then she started dancing seductively with this handsome man....she didn't know him...just met him, that's it....then they started to do some heavy kissing....and I was shaking my head thinking, "So this is what they call chemistry?? IMO, that's lust. Purely sexual. If they're still doing that after 15 or 20 years, then it's chemistry Also, be aware "chemistry" can be non-sexual. More spiritual and emotional. A symbiosis of the subconscious. It doesn't have to be romantic.
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