alwayssme Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Everytime i say imma do NC, he texts me and i just cant not reply to him...or sometimes i'll text him, nothing big just "hey wats up" type of thing....now i just saw him last week which reassured me even more that it was OVER!! but we still keep in touch like that..lately he's been texting me every day and it sucks cause now he's getting me used to it and i KNOW he soon will stop texting...now should i text him a week or so later just saying hi like he does with me now? im so confused...can someone explain whats better no contact at all or very little contact?? what are the effects of both? i feel like with no contact at all, everything will go away...even tho i know he's already gone....HELP!!! i dont know what to do....its so hard to let him go!!!!!!!
Author alwayssme Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 i have no hard feelings towards my ex, cuz regardless we broke up..he is still nice to me and text me or we talk on the phone sometimes...altho its over relationship wise, we said we'll be friends....i dont know if talkin to him holds me back from moving on...but he was my best friend long before we decided to go out...now i feel like instead of losing my boyfriend, i also need to let go of my best friend...but i cant imagine my life without him...would NC be best?? please help with any ideas or suggestions..
northstar1 Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Everytime i say imma do NC, he texts me and i just cant not reply to him...or sometimes i'll text him, nothing big just "hey wats up" type of thing....now i just saw him last week which reassured me even more that it was OVER!! but we still keep in touch like that..lately he's been texting me every day and it sucks cause now he's getting me used to it and i KNOW he soon will stop texting...now should i text him a week or so later just saying hi like he does with me now? im so confused...can someone explain whats better no contact at all or very little contact?? what are the effects of both? i feel like with no contact at all, everything will go away...even tho i know he's already gone....HELP!!! i dont know what to do....its so hard to let him go!!!!!!! It's been said a million times on here, if you want to move on with your life , NC is the best method. You are holding onto hope by allowing contact. You will keep in a cycle if you keep it up, expecting contact and usually being disappointed. You need to let go and move on.
Author alwayssme Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 but we said we'll remain friends...he was also my best friend and...ughhh i dont know...this sucks
Treasa Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Do you still have feelings for him beyond those of just a friend? Would you be hurt if he started dating someone else? If the answer to either (or both) of those is yes, then you're only hurting yourself by keeping contact right now. After you heal, there may be another chance to be friends again in the future.
Author alwayssme Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 yes i still love him and want to be more than friends..but i'd rather be his friend than lose him completely..i feel like if i do NC i will lose him completely..he has been texting me (he was the first one to initiate convo) for the past couple of days..nothin major just sayin "hi hows everything" type of thing...i know he is not going to keep being the first one to text me, so i thought maybe sometime i should text him just saying hi so i dont completely lose him? would little contact be better? would i be dragging my heart through this? or would i be more dissapointed to have NC, and having him move on COMPLETELY? maybe if i still say hi sometimes, he wont forget me completely and we can still be friends?? any advise is appreciated
gd26 Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 You still keep in contact with him because you still feel some hope, and you associate positive things about your times together... so you still contact him because it 'feels good'. However, the more you keep contacting him, the more and more painful it will get... he will keep rejecting you, or stringing you along (for delayed pain later) and your interaction with him will give you only more and more heartache. You'll reach the point then where contacting him will actually be more painful than just leaving him alone. Then you'll finally get to the point where you will start ignoring him. The SMART way to do this is to just go NC now... rather than waiting until your self-esteem and confidence has been far more shattered, and you've given him more chances to reject you. Don't give him the chance to keep rejecting you and causing yourself more pain. It might be really hard to move forward, but the short term discomfort will be worth it if it saves you from more longer-term pain. Plus, you could be spending these years of your life doing special exciting things yourself, or meeting other men who would treat you well, etc... rather than trying to get someone back who doesn't want you.
Author alwayssme Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 You still keep in contact with him because you still feel some hope, and you associate positive things about your times together... so you still contact him because it 'feels good'. However, the more you keep contacting him, the more and more painful it will get... he will keep rejecting you, or stringing you along (for delayed pain later) and your interaction with him will give you only more and more heartache. You'll reach the point then where contacting him will actually be more painful than just leaving him alone. Then you'll finally get to the point where you will start ignoring him. The SMART way to do this is to just go NC now... rather than waiting until your self-esteem and confidence has been far more shattered, and you've given him more chances to reject you. Don't give him the chance to keep rejecting you and causing yourself more pain. It might be really hard to move forward, but the short term discomfort will be worth it if it saves you from more longer-term pain. Plus, you could be spending these years of your life doing special exciting things yourself, or meeting other men who would treat you well, etc... rather than trying to get someone back who doesn't want you. thank you..its just that he was (and still is, unfortunately) the most important person in my life...i feel so betrayed at the fact that he no longer feels the same about me..i thought we were in this together...but he is still nice to me...i guess u are right...i need to let this go no matter how much it hurts..i have dated other guys and it has only made things worse...they are NOT compatible with me at all...and it makes me miss my ex even more...if i met someone i actually clicked with, maybe this would be easier...i hate being so alone =( i miss him, he was my everything...why did this have to happen?
mixwell Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 As hard as it is its best to let him go. My ex girlfriend and I were friends since 8th grade and got together summer before highschool.. We were together for 7 years !! So when I was 14 -21 I was with her. We basically grew up together and went through a lot.. Bottom line is when we broke up (because I moved out of state.. Moved back 2 months later) she was with someone else and I was devastated with the situation and could have never seen myself not having her in my life even if just friends.. Basically I got to a point where I was sick of being accepted as just the friend when I wanted more and I got to a point where I told her that if we weren't going to be together I couldn't continue being "friends" So it can be done and I haven't spoken to her in 3 years now. With time things get easier but use my example that it dropping him can be done no matter what. Its a crappy phase to go through being friends knowing you want more and being hopeful only to be shot down. Your best bet is to move on and stop contacting him !
Author alwayssme Posted October 4, 2008 Author Posted October 4, 2008 As hard as it is its best to let him go. My ex girlfriend and I were friends since 8th grade and got together summer before highschool.. We were together for 7 years !! So when I was 14 -21 I was with her. We basically grew up together and went through a lot.. Bottom line is when we broke up (because I moved out of state.. Moved back 2 months later) she was with someone else and I was devastated with the situation and could have never seen myself not having her in my life even if just friends.. Basically I got to a point where I was sick of being accepted as just the friend when I wanted more and I got to a point where I told her that if we weren't going to be together I couldn't continue being "friends" So it can be done and I haven't spoken to her in 3 years now. With time things get easier but use my example that it dropping him can be done no matter what. Its a crappy phase to go through being friends knowing you want more and being hopeful only to be shot down. Your best bet is to move on and stop contacting him ! wow thats a long time!! are u completely over her now?
Angel1111 Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 It's been said a million times on here, if you want to move on with your life , NC is the best method. You are holding onto hope by allowing contact. You will keep in a cycle if you keep it up, expecting contact and usually being disappointed. You need to let go and move on. I totally disagree with this theory. I think having some form of contact and communication can keep a person from feeling totally off-center, unloved and abandoned. Eventually, your feelings settle and you do move on. I still talk to an ex of mine and I'm nuts about him. But I have found that after some time has passed, even though I still love him, I don't mourn for him any longer. But that flame could be ignited in a heartbeat. I value his friendship immensely and wouldn't want to be without it for anything. To me, it's way better than him being out of my life forever. He's the only ex I'm still friends with, though. That's just how much he means to me. The only way he would be out of my life is if that's what he wanted. But neither of us want that.
Author alwayssme Posted October 4, 2008 Author Posted October 4, 2008 I totally disagree with this theory. I think having some form of contact and communication can keep a person from feeling totally off-center, unloved and abandoned. Eventually, your feelings settle and you do move on. I still talk to an ex of mine and I'm nuts about him. But I have found that after some time has passed, even though I still love him, I don't mourn for him any longer. But that flame could be ignited in a heartbeat. I value his friendship immensely and wouldn't want to be without it for anything. To me, it's way better than him being out of my life forever. He's the only ex I'm still friends with, though. That's just how much he means to me. The only way he would be out of my life is if that's what he wanted. But neither of us want that. i dont know anymore...i just dont know! Either option hurts me, and right now I'm not ready to hear about anything that's been going on in his life. I love him. I don't know what to do, there is nothing I can do but pray for my heart to heal.
Angel1111 Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 thank you..its just that he was (and still is, unfortunately) the most important person in my life...i feel so betrayed at the fact that he no longer feels the same about me..i thought we were in this together...but he is still nice to me...i guess u are right...i need to let this go no matter how much it hurts..i have dated other guys and it has only made things worse...they are NOT compatible with me at all...and it makes me miss my ex even more...if i met someone i actually clicked with, maybe this would be easier...i hate being so alone =( i miss him, he was my everything...why did this have to happen? It's obvious that he misses you, too, or he wouldn't be contacting you so much. It would probably be good to not be too quick to respond to him, though, because he needs to know what it feels like to be without you. Still, I don't think there's anything wrong with staying in touch, if you're ok with it. I don't get the impression that he wants to let go. Guys don't stay in touch like this for no reason. But because he's so confused about things, don't be too quick to accept him back if it comes to that. Give him a wide berth and let him clear his head.
Author alwayssme Posted October 4, 2008 Author Posted October 4, 2008 It's obvious that he misses you, too, or he wouldn't be contacting you so much. It would probably be good to not be too quick to respond to him, though, because he needs to know what it feels like to be without you. Still, I don't think there's anything wrong with staying in touch, if you're ok with it. I don't get the impression that he wants to let go. Guys don't stay in touch like this for no reason. But because he's so confused about things, don't be too quick to accept him back if it comes to that. Give him a wide berth and let him clear his head. we said we'll remain friends and he knows how much i love him and how much it hurts me, we promised to always be there for each other, but other than that we're over
mixwell Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 wow thats a long time!! are u completely over her now? To answer your question yes I am completely over her.. I have been over her for some time and I sometimes think about her but I don't get sad or anything. Just kinda see it as someone I haven't spoken to in a long time and wonder how she is doing.. I am getting to that point with my current ex of 4 months and I know its better for us to not be together but part of me wants to know that she misses me too and is going through what I am right now. It seems during a breakup the person thinks their ex is out having fun and forgetting about them so I'm sure thats what this current ex is feeling but to me I feel as if she has moved on and is out having fun and forgetting about me.. Seriously though you need to stop contacting him and I disagree with Angel on remaining in contact. You do stay in a pattern of hope that can drag on before you realize that nothing more is coming out of this and you will get sick of accepting the friends role.. I wouldn't advise staying in contact with him but its your call.. There IS a reason why majority of people say go to no contact and there is obviously an advantage of it if everyone suggests it....
0hpenelope Posted October 5, 2008 Posted October 5, 2008 Lawrence was the best friend turned boyfriend turned ex and now, ex-boyfriend. I wanted us to get back together, but it didn't happen. A lot of stuff happened in between after we broke up and after I finally put my foot down and told him "I can't do this anymore." People have different experiences. I would think that someone like Mixwell wouldn't be able to bear losing someone that he was attached to for so long, but he was able to let go. Angel was able to keep hers around as a friend. I think, though, that the common ground that these varying experiences have is self-reflection: how would I be if I had him/her in my life or if I didn't have him/her in my life? I don't have Lawrence anymore, but I'm okay - I'm so okay now. When Lawrence and I were in contact, I was very unhealthy. That's when I decided that I needed to get out of it. If you're not okay with yourself, then everything that you touch is affected.
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