yebo Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 This is more of a question for those out there that have gone through the NC thing and have taken it too far (or not far enough). My situation is fresh, I initiated NC yesterday. The soon-to-be-ex has attempted contact a few times since. I'd rather not break up with her as I love her very much. I have read the no contact guide, and since we havent broken up it's hard to decide whether or not NC is right for me. This leads me to the dilemma of whether or not to relaly be in NC mode. If I'm wondering though, I probably should be in NC mode. I'm not a bad looking dude, I was out and about the past two nights and could have hooked up both nights. I didn't do anything because I'm a faithful boyfriend despite having false hopes or whatever. I'm not ready to give up on her just yet.. And this leads me to my question. If we're done, I need to move on... I'm not going to jump into another relationship right away, but I am denying myself opportunities. So.. How long after starting NC is it wise to be with another person? NC really means giving up on the possibly-ex at that point... my thinking is NC is a good move when you're still not sure about the possibly-ex. Lastly, I am not really sure if I need to vocalize NC with the possibly-ex. In my case, I'll probably tell her tomorrow that I don't want her to contact me, even though I do want her to contact me.
carhill Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Heck I'm not even sure if you're broken up or even why you would be. Read your OP again. Does it sound like you are sure of what you're doing, irrespective of NC? I'll try to simplify: NC is to heal you. It's not to fix the relationship or get someone back or get them to do what you want. If you want to continue the relationship, do that. Get counseling, talk it out, whatever. Take affirmative actions to continue the relationship. Breaking up is a negative action; it signals an end. Is that what you want? If you end the R and go NC, the appropriate time to "go out" with intent of meeting and beginning another relationship is when you can be with a woman and not have any thoughts of your ex. You can "date" in the interim if you wish, but you'll risk rebound and more internal pain if you push your healing process. If you just want to get laid, do that, but be honest with the women you're with. Don't lead them on to thinking it's more than strictly sex. If you do go NC, you'll have to decide whether to have a "last talk" with your stbx. I likely would but that's me. I like closure
Author yebo Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 Heck I'm not even sure if you're broken up or even why you would be. Read your OP again. Does it sound like you are sure of what you're doing, irrespective of NC? I'll try to simplify: NC is to heal you. It's not to fix the relationship or get someone back or get them to do what you want. If you want to continue the relationship, do that. Get counseling, talk it out, whatever. Take affirmative actions to continue the relationship. Breaking up is a negative action; it signals an end. Is that what you want? If you end the R and go NC, the appropriate time to "go out" with intent of meeting and beginning another relationship is when you can be with a woman and not have any thoughts of your ex. You can "date" in the interim if you wish, but you'll risk rebound and more internal pain if you push your healing process. If you just want to get laid, do that, but be honest with the women you're with. Don't lead them on to thinking it's more than strictly sex. If you do go NC, you'll have to decide whether to have a "last talk" with your stbx. I likely would but that's me. I like closure The NC thing is a new concept to me since seeing this forum the other night. This forum is sort of dangerous.. Thank you for your post though. You're right, I don't know if we're broken up or if we will break up. I'm making assumptions based on no information. I was physically and mentally exhausted from traveling when she brought this up to me. She's a person I can see being with long term, and that's a problem. She's only 22, and personally at 22 I wanted to live life so I avoided serious relationships. Now, at 28 I want a more serious relationship - and got that with this girl. I need some time to think about this though. But I think I will try to work things out with her... we both deserve that for closure.
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