jj33 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I couldn't agree with you more. disagreements are part of it. But it doesn't need to be handled like 4th graders. I admit I was really gun shy on that coming from an abusive exH. I don't like any sort of drama and was pretty drama free for those 12 years...'cept for the occassional dope I was dating. That was something we definitely had to navigate through. Mutual respect is what makes that work. You should never be uncomfortable to talk about anything. That's just crazy if you have to play mind games and put on an act for peace. Communication is the foundation for trust. It must have been really hard to overcome the xH. And you should be so proud of yourself for opening up again to someone wonderful. And it does sound like he wonderful and the antithesis of your xH. It also makes more sense why you are protective of WS and concerned that she not get involved in anything that sounds like it may cause her harm.
Author wildsoul Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 My mom recently passed away 1 month ago. So trust me when I say I know and feel human pain all too well right now. I'm very sorry for your loss. Yes. That is a good example of how even the most expected parts of life can bring pain with them. My mother passed away unexpectedly 8 years ago this week. There isn't anything that can really prepare you for the process of letting go of a parent. It's a unique journey for you, even though we all will experience it. I would like to add that now, after so many years, I am what you would call "over it" but that is not to say that I don't turn misty and pray to her. The autumn light always reminds me of her final days. Yet there is sweetness now, even though we never would have thought she would have died so young. Again, I send my condolences to you and your family. (((HUGS)))
KismetGirl Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 WS, Im really happy for you. And sort of jealous at the same time, but I guess it's nice to hear that at least sometimes it works out. Im not sure that I know your background story as well as some other people on here that followed it from the beginning, so you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I was just curious... How old are you and MM? Do either of you have kids, and if so, how old are they? When you met MM, how long did it take before he said anything about possibly changing his life to leave his W? Did he come to that realization on his own, or did you suggest it? And does he have a good relationship with his W all along, or were they always fighting and etc? Was there ever a point when he had said that he could never leave her, due to kids, or some other reason? If so, what made him seem to change his mind? You don't have to answer, I guess Im just trying to get my own situation trhough my head and probably give myself false hope in the process, but it's nice to hear both the details of success stories as well as the failed ones.... Anyway, good luck with your journey. i think probably taking things very slow is best....just seems to me in any situation , this or "normal" dating route, that jumping from one relationship to another without time to reflect often leads to confusion and resentment down the road. He's probably going through alot of thoughts in his head, wondering if he did the right thing.....and that thought will be compounded five million times over if he has kids, I would guess. But it seems he is at least trying.....maybe true love does win out, sometimes. I envy you greatly.... congrats
jwi71 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 It sounds like things are moving very well for you. And I am quite pleased that your R is no longer "heavy". A relationship shouldn't be a burden. We have a special name for a R that is a burden - marriage . Don't tell my wife I said that. Please. If I may, do you consider your R to be exclusive or are you free to date others?
KismetGirl Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 WS, Im really happy for you. And sort of jealous at the same time, but I guess it's nice to hear that at least sometimes it works out. Im not sure that I know your background story as well as some other people on here that followed it from the beginning, so you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I was just curious... How old are you and MM? Do either of you have kids, and if so, how old are they? When you met MM, how long did it take before he said anything about possibly changing his life to leave his W? Did he come to that realization on his own, or did you suggest it? And does he have a good relationship with his W all along, or were they always fighting and etc? Was there ever a point when he had said that he could never leave her, due to kids, or some other reason? If so, what made him seem to change his mind? You don't have to answer, I guess Im just trying to get my own situation trhough my head and probably give myself false hope in the process, but it's nice to hear both the details of success stories as well as the failed ones.... Anyway, good luck with your journey. i think probably taking things very slow is best....just seems to me in any situation , this or "normal" dating route, that jumping from one relationship to another without time to reflect often leads to confusion and resentment down the road. He's probably going through alot of thoughts in his head, wondering if he did the right thing.....and that thought will be compounded five million times over if he has kids, I would guess. But it seems he is at least trying.....maybe true love does win out, sometimes. I envy you greatly.... congrats forget it i read the old post, no kids, got it. Good luck in any respect
Mino Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I agree with you. Yet being in this particular forum, the standard advice is to watch the actions, not just listen to the words. Hence, I'm trying to balance between trusting and keeping my eyes open too. Tricky to do that without being suspicious. Mostly, I just keep praying for God to show me the truth and tell me what to do. That helps a lot.Hi Wildsoul... Sounds like you are doing everything right....giving him the space he needs...My mm is now also a sm..He was fine in the begining of the speration. But as time went by I saw he was withdrawing. I tried to cheer him up, but the guilt was getting the best of him. He started going back to IC. His couselor told him he needed to heal, and review why his M broke many years before. I tried to support him through this, but I felt like a jo jo. His moods were changing daily...I finally stepped back, telling him, we will not see each other till he is ready to start this R with a fresh start. I know I derserve more, and I am at the point where I am not going to settle for only having half my needs being met. I realize that if we would continue without his healing and reviewing, we would be doomed, because its not a question of if he will cheat on me, but when. Our mm crossed a line in their M... They are also responsible for contributing to the breakdown of their M..If these issues are not handled they will repeat their same mistakes. I do want a healthly R with him. So I chose to step back and give him the time he needs to sort all this out with IC. This has been very hard on me as well. Over 4 years in this R, and he finally made the big move. But I feel if we have a shot of a future together, this is what I must do to have a healthly r later. Sure I am afraid he may go back home, or meet someone eles...but I believe if it was meant to be it will be. We had our honey moon period too when he moved out in his own place, but reality set in that he has to heal and that is something I cannot do for him...Good luck wildsoul, keep us posted we can only learn from each other:)
Mino Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 wildsoul, and i am not sure if I am doing the right thing either but it seems logical...I guess its one day at a time.
crazy love Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 hello wild soul. I just wanted to let you know how nice it is to read your update. Sometimes I feel so alone in my views of the situation I find myself in and it's refreshing to see there is someone else out there that has dealt with the difficulties involved when in an A with such grace and positivity. To say you've inspired me would be such an understatement, you've also given me a bit of hope and much more. Thank You
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