All Star Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I was writting to this prisoner because they are usually lonely. I wasn't looking for a jail date or anything. I was just being nice to him. we used to do this in college also. He said he was in for bad checks, but I just found out that he is really in there for manslaughter from this online court records search engine. He lied and he also said he was doing 15 years because he had priors. I guess I should have asked him how long he has been in there because he's already been there 13 years and he is due to be released 11/10/08. He's getting out early for good behavior. Once he told me he was getting out 3 weeks ago, I have not written him or accepted any calls so, he sent me this big letter that I got yesterday telling me that he can't wait to see me. He has my address from the letters. How can I tell this fool not to come my way? Can I get a restraining order on the grounds that he is a criminal? He actually said in the letter, "And don't you go sending me no letters talking about, Jeff don't come here when you get out. I'm scared" He signed it, Love Jeff and said P.S. "We're going to be together forever baby." WHAT THE HELL!! I can't just up and move. I would not have ever written him if I knew he was soon to get out. I don't want him out.
Geishawhelk Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 "Oh what a tangled web......" presumably when he gets out on good behaviour, he will still have a probationary duty? You could talk to the local police... But you definitely need to tell him up-front that he has it all wrong..... If you don't, you are setting yourself up for even more trouble. Oh goodness..... what a mess!
Shygirl15 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I was writting to this prisoner because they are usually lonely. I wasn't looking for a jail date or anything. I was just being nice to him. See where it got you? Being nice, especially unnecessarily nice, is not always nice.
westernxer Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Restraining Order Damn right. Might want to find out the name of his parole officer, since he is a convicted felon.
Star Gazer Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 There are no grounds here for a restraining order. Yet, anyway. That said, a TRO is only a piece of paper...
Moose Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 There are no grounds here for a restraining order. Yet, anyway. That said, a TRO is only a piece of paper...All due respect, there is grounds for a TRO:"We're going to be together forever baby."This could taken as a threat, as this it not a mutual agreement....
jadedone Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 What if he's not on Parole? Some prisoners choose to serve their full sentence so they don't have to deal with the hassle of a parole officer and all the restrictions.
Lishy Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Ok this is what you do You write him how excited you are that he is coming out, you apoligise for not replying sooner only you have MOVED! Yes girl you MOVED!! Say that you are busy looking for new work in your place but that you will love to see him - Your address is now 12 New Street, Outer Mongolia, Seriously you MOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn this is scary stuff!! Does he have pics of you?
Star Gazer Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 All due respect, there is grounds for a TRO:This could taken as a threat, as this it not a mutual agreement.... With all due respect, it's not. I've handled at least 50 TRO hearings. No judge would ever issue orders against someone based on that statement. There has to be proof of an imminent THREAT. There is no such proof.......YET.
Lishy Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 You have to have real and present danger to get a restraining order, loads get refused! That would not be a reason in the UK
Angel1111 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 With all due respect, it's not. I've handled at least 50 TRO hearings. No judge would ever issue orders against someone based on that statement. There has to be proof of an imminent THREAT. There is no such proof.......YET. She's right - it's not that easy to get a restraining order. All Star - what kind of letters were you writing this guy??? Love, romance, friendship? And for any of those reasons, why on earth would you do that? Did you really expect an honest answer from a guy in prison? Not meaning to beat you up (although I probably am) I'm just at a loss as to understand why anyone would involve themsevles in any way whatsoever with a person in prison. Yeah, they're lonely. So what?
bayouboi Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Ok this is what you do You write him how excited you are that he is coming out, you apoligise for not replying sooner only you have MOVED! Yes girl you MOVED!! Say that you are busy looking for new work in your place but that you will love to see him - Your address is now 12 New Street, Outer Mongolia, Seriously you MOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn this is scary stuff!! Does he have pics of you? This won't work if the guy is off kilter and determined to meet up with her as surely he'd check the old address anyways. I don't know what your past letters to him were, but from this point forward you should be very frank, I would think. You should write him that you do NOT want to meet him despite him basically warning you NOT to say that. Then get his response to you saying you DON'T want to see him. You might get lucky and get a threatening response from him at which point you'd have grounds for law enforcement to help you out. In addition to this, you might want to get a rough and tough boyfriend, a big mean dog, and a 9mm for your bedstand. I'm sorry that you're kindness has resulted in this uncomfortable situation.
Art_Critic Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 You also could call the warden of the prison and ask him what your options are at this point.. providing he hasn't been released yet...
Moose Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 With all due respect, it's not. I've handled at least 50 TRO hearings. No judge would ever issue orders against someone based on that statement. There has to be proof of an imminent THREAT. There is no such proof.......YET.A prior for man slaughter and insisting he be with the OP "forever"? Ok....what-ev.... Guess I'm used to having my own way....
Star Gazer Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 A prior for man slaughter and insisting he be with the OP "forever"? Ok....what-ev.... Guess I'm used to having my own way.... "Prior bad acts evidence" unrelated to the OP cannot be used to establish his conduct or propensity towards violence towards the OP. Moreover, this guy would have the ability to respond to her allegations in the TRO. He'd produce all the letters she wrote him to establish that his romantic feelings towards her and his statement were innocent, not dangerous.
quankanne Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 girl, what on EARTH possessed you to use your home address on your letters? In his mind, that probably was akin to saying "hey, now we're going steady." your best moves are to contact his parole officer as someone else suggested, then move the heck out of the place where you are now living and go incognito for a while. Use your middle and maiden names on any forms of public information like phone listings, etc, to ensure that only people who *know* you are the ones who know how to find you (I do this for general security purposes, as my married name is a very uncommon one down here, but my maiden name isn't). this has the potential to turn into a very unpleasant situation, but the good news is that you have time and the means to circumvent that situation ...
jadedone Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 How far away is his prison? If he will be on parole there are limitations to how far he can travel, and if he does travel to see you it's a violation that can put him right back in prison. Has he seen a pic of you? If not, you could send a pic of the fattest ugliest woman to him. However 13 years without a woman might not stop him from caring about looks.
konfuzd Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Have you indicated in your letters that you plan on meeting once he was released? He obviously has the impression that you are more than just pen pals. Is there any way you could write him and let him know that you have enjoyed having him as a pen pal, but are not ready for a real world connection? Would he fly off the handle, or do you believe he's reasonable enough to take it? He may not be the stalker, I'm coming for you type at all. Just because he's been incarcerated for several years, does not automatically make him a psycho, but you do need to be careful. He may have just made the "we will be together forever" comment in anticipation of a bright future after his release. Everyone struggles with rejection from time to time, but with his past, you have to protect yourself and make sure you don't say anything that would set him off. Do you have a neighbor or a close friend you could let in on the situation and keep an eye out for you? Do you live alone? I agree with other suggestions to talk to the prison warden and his parole officer to get an alternative perspective on this guy's true nature and his true danger to you. Be safe, and post often, so we all know you are okay!
Green Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Wow arn't you a funny person. So what did you guys talk about in the letters probably sex stuff right. Just tell him you enjoyed writing him because he was in jail and that you don't want to see him now that he's out and if he writes or tries to contact you in any way your going to his parole oficer and the police.
Lucky_One Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 My, you love some drama, don't you! Contact his parole officer.
Jilly Bean Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 Wow. OK, not to frighten you, but you should be VERY concerned. Look at the facts. He was incarcerated for 13 years, for manslaughter. Now, that means it was either non-premeditated murder OR, it was pled down to a MS charge and WAS pre-meditated. Either way, he wasn't in prison for running coke or embezzling from his job. And 13 years in prison changes people NOT for the better. I dont know how long you've been pen pals or the nature of your letters, but to someone who is incarcerated, they tend to magnify a letter into being a real relationship of some depth and importance. I dont see any point in contacting the warden or his PO. There is nothing they can do to keep you safe. Your choices are limited. Either you move, or you stay where you are and wait to see what happens. Personally, I'd be GONE before he gets out. Do NOT have your mail forwarded, do NOT tell any neighbors where you are going, and have the moving truck be unmarked when you move. You dont want to leave any trail for him to be able to find out where you are.
Author All Star Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 Have you indicated in your letters that you plan on meeting once he was released? He obviously has the impression that you are more than just pen pals. Is there any way you could write him and let him know that you have enjoyed having him as a pen pal, but are not ready for a real world connection? Would he fly off the handle, or do you believe he's reasonable enough to take it? He may not be the stalker, I'm coming for you type at all. Just because he's been incarcerated for several years, does not automatically make him a psycho, but you do need to be careful. He may have just made the "we will be together forever" comment in anticipation of a bright future after his release. Everyone struggles with rejection from time to time, but with his past, you have to protect yourself and make sure you don't say anything that would set him off. Do you have a neighbor or a close friend you could let in on the situation and keep an eye out for you? Do you live alone? I agree with other suggestions to talk to the prison warden and his parole officer to get an alternative perspective on this guy's true nature and his true danger to you. Be safe, and post often, so we all know you are okay! Thanks you. I never said I wanted to meet him when he gets out. I thought he would be in there for a long time. I like this post. I will use a lot of it in my letter to him. I have never sent any pictures of myself. And I found out that he will have a parole office WHEN he is realsed. And him trying to see me is not a violation of his parole unless I have a restraining order or he does something criminal. I can't get a restraining order just because I don't want to see him. He has to threaten me somehow or something,
whichwayisup Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 I guess if you ever decide to be penpals with a prison inmate again, use a P.O BOX number, not your real home address. Definately show the letters to the Cops and make sure YOU know what this guy looks like. Get copies of his picture - Give those copies to friends, family, neighbours - JUST incase he does show up at your doorstep. IF he does show up, call 911.
Author All Star Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 All due respect, there is grounds for a TRO:This could taken as a threat, as this it not a mutual agreement.... I've called around and I agree that there are no grounds for a restraining order. I own my condo. I can't move. I can't use the line together for ever to get a restraining order b/c one can't tell what i've said to him in the past. Nothing to indicate that I wanted to meet or be with him ever. He's stepping it up. He know I don't want to talk to him. He called collect 3 times yesterday. I refused to accept the calls. I hear that I can have my number on a list of people he can't call from jail. I'm looking into that.
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