MiniMina Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 So, I would like some perspective from others that have been in my situation. My boyfriend is moving in with me this weekend and I've been putting off telling my parents about it for a while. I am 24 and he is 25, I have a stable job and he has been interviewing out here for jobs so that we can be together. (We were previously in a long distance relationship). So the problem here isn't money, it's the fact that my parents are really Catholic. I know that they will be very upset that I will be living with my boyfriend before we are married, but I don't share their beliefs and this this is the right move for our relationship. Now that the move is here, I really do have to tell them because I don't want to lie and until now I have just avoided the subject. I already know that I will probably just have to tell them that the decision has been made, and just let them disapprove. But I am still nervous and was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how it worked out?
imagine Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Irrespective of your religious persuasion, do pop over to the marriage builders site articles and read the pro's and cons regarding "living together before marriage". If you are serious about this relationship, then ponder on the implications that could damage this relationship. If you just want to hump him, don't even bother.
Author MiniMina Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Thank you for the comment. He and I have actually read many articles similar to this one together when we were making the decision because we wanted to make the right one and we are confident that this is the right choice for us. Also, We have also been sleeping together for quite some time now and managed to be close even with the distance
oldguy Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 So, I would like some perspective from others that have been in my situation. My boyfriend is moving in with me this weekend and I've been putting off telling my parents about it for a while. I am 24 and he is 25, I have a stable job and he has been interviewing out here for jobs so that we can be together. (We were previously in a long distance relationship). So the problem here isn't money, it's the fact that my parents are really Catholic. I know that they will be very upset that I will be living with my boyfriend before we are married, but I don't share their beliefs and this this is the right move for our relationship. Now that the move is here, I really do have to tell them because I don't want to lie and until now I have just avoided the subject. I already know that I will probably just have to tell them that the decision has been made, and just let them disapprove. But I am still nervous and was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how it worked out? Your parents are really Catholic, I love that by the way; “really Catholic”. I’m Catholic and was raised that way so I can, “really” appreciate that. But are you really Catholic? It’s great that you have such a loving relationship with your parents and don’t want to lie to them and you’re concerned about how your personal life choices will affect them. I would ask you to be honest with yourself also; why is living together important to you? Is it valid enough to upset your relationship with your parents, (who I’m sure will love you just as much by the way)? I agree with amagine; living together isn’t all it’s cracked up to be but I’m guessing the choice has already been made. So you just tell them, they will still love you, although you may never be viewed exactly the same way and I wouldn’t plan on the four of you sitting down to a Thanksgiving dinner this year. I would handle this so much differently if you didn’t tell me your parents where really Catholic and if I didn’t get the impression you have a really good relationship with them. But again that’s not your question; I have adult children who have done things that have disappointed me and have broken my heart and even infuriated me but I have always loved them with all my heart and your parents will too. I, as a young man, have done things that have disappointed and have broken my parents hearts and all I can say about that is; I will forever regret doing that, especially now. Trust me, I’m generally much more liberal than this, sorry but good luck to you.
Enema Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I think there comes a time when you need to stop trying to appease your parents sense of morality at the cost of your own. They need to see that you're an individual with your own ideas different to theirs and that they're no less valid. Hiding it will only give your parents the idea that you think you're doing something wrong. Tell them straight up what you're doing and don't let them goad you into an argument about it. Don't put their piece of mind above your own happiness.
Author MiniMina Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 Thank you everyone for your posts. I did call them last night and tell them our plan. As expected, they had their concerns which we talked about and they also told me that it was my decision and they just want to make sure i'm making a good one. So, I get to breathe a big sigh of relief now that's done!
oldguy Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Thank you everyone for your posts. I did call them last night and tell them our plan. As expected, they had their concerns which we talked about and they also told me that it was my decision and they just want to make sure i'm making a good one. So, I get to breathe a big sigh of relief now that's done! As I suspected, it sounds like you have a great relationship with wonderful parents. Sorry if I sounded like a parent myself but that’s because I am, and of daughters your approximate age. I was surprised myself that I slipped into that roll and started thinking from their possible point of view. Maybe you will all be sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner this year after all:). I’m glad things have worked out well with your parents, you are truly blessed with a good family. Good luck to you.
Recommended Posts