Ugggg! !

[CaliGuy]

ok, so she sent me the email last Wednesday, complaining about me not ‘respecting’ her at work. the next day Thursday she almost threw herself in front of my way while walking down the hallway with another co-worker , basically saying look at me. even my co-worker thought it was strange. so Friday, i email her. i say Hi! we start talking. i said after reading your email Wednesday it seems you might like to shoot the breeze – wasn’t sure. she basically said yes, doesn’t mind an email here or there , just doesn’t want to fight like last time. i said , ok cool. i dont want to talk about any junk from the past. so the conversation is progressing. she is telling me things she has been doing the last couple months. so i ask, do you think you might be open to considering going out for a bite to eat and a drink if we go along the same rules, no junk. so she says , yes, however, not right yet.. stating she is afraid that it is just too soon, but if we remain the same rules and no junk then i will consider it, i just cant give you a time and date. i just want to take the friendship slow at this point. i said fair enough.

 

we talked a little yesterday, but not today. some seem to think she is putting me on a string. i wonder if she is trying too, or if she is interested in a loose connection like friends, not sure actually.

 

any opinions out there what the deal is

 

one thing for sure is i think i am going to just keep doing my own thing, live my life, go on dates, and try not to worry about it at this point. i dont think i want to keep being the first person making contact. i dont mind being alpha male, but there has to be a little give and take is what i am thinking.

 

Cali, if my ex at work started dating someone else at work, i would never look at her again just like you are doing. and two i would be pissed at the other guy at work for disrespecting me. i would work hard to make myself look better than both of them.

 

Personally I think you're setting yourself up for a world of hurt. She doesn't want you, she just likes the attention. Regardless of whether she is single or not. You're simply filler material for her day. You are going to go down the same path as you went before.

 

Personally I would have just continued to stay away from her, regardless of whether if was uncomfortable or not. I just don't see anything good coming from this.

 

As for my ex at work, yeah it bothers her that I don't talk to her but she should have considered that before she started boinking someone else from work. She can deal with it, not my problem. I've got work to do and have no time for her and her childish antics

[trueblue72ny]

i would feel like a dip if i just rushed back to her. no my friend, i think it will be different if there is a next time. what would she have to do? she would have to work hard at it to gain back my trust, and answer some tough questions. things i learned from this site. she would have to become a transparent person. i question if she has it in her. we will seee. right now i think i am just going to chill out and go back to NC mode and live life a little. day 1 NC.

 

i feel like i have the upper hand now if i keep it like this and she is the one who contacts me, which is the way it should be if she is interested after dumping me.

 

Cali guy your input has been immeasurably helpful and supportive and so has everyone else. i will keep things updated.

[CaliGuy]

i would feel like a dip if i just rushed back to her. no my friend, i think it will be different if there is a next time. what would she have to do? she would have to work hard at it to gain back my trust, and answer some tough questions. things i learned from this site. she would have to become a transparent person. i question if she has it in her. we will seee. right now i think i am just going to chill out and go back to NC mode and live life a little. day 1 NC.

 

i feel like i have the upper hand now if i keep it like this and she is the one who contacts me, which is the way it should be if she is interested after dumping me.

 

Cali guy your input has been immeasurably helpful and supportive and so has everyone else. i will keep things updated.

 

You're welcome my friend. That is what we're here for.

[trueblue72ny]

ok, update, since the last time i posted. the ex has contacted me about half a dozen times in the last couple weeks - always email at work, never outside of work. she is telling me (last week) it takes her awhile to come around. she would like to be friends. she is not looking for anything with others. just living day by day.

 

so, we are chatting up a storm this past monday about a mutual friend of ours who we found out is playing games between me and the ex. the mutual friend doesnt know me and the ex are talking. so the ex wants to find out a few things and then says after that "WE" can tell our mutual friend we talk. now its been two days and nothing. i am beginning to feel that the ex is trying to control how things go again. i have been on an emotional roller coaster with her contacting me. me getting my hopes up, contacting her back, then she disappears for days on end (WTF!!!), first i am sad, then i am getting mad and depressed. so i think i am just going to chill out. will see how things go. day two nc - all over again. i do still love her. but i have to draw a line at some point i feel i dont want to be controlled like that again. im not sure what she is thinking but i am not interested in being just her chat buddy!!!!

 

games! games! games! Uggggggggggg!!!!!!!

[SRV]

She is trying to get information on your mutual friend so that she can decide whether to date him, and if she does, the "dos" and "donts". If I were you, I would say nothing about the mutual friend.

[trueblue72ny]

well the mutual friend, i should have clarified (sorry) is another woman. we are strictly friends, we used to car pool up until last week. and she also hangs out with the ex. by the way the mutual friend has a boyfriend so there is nothign there with her and me like that.

 

the mutual friend told me she would rather see me and the ex single for her own selfish reasons - because she wants both our friendships. i got mad and said if you were really a friend you wouldnt say that. i asked her if she said the same thing to my ex. i would have got mad for interferring. she denied she told my ex. then i find out later, from my ex no less in talking on monday, that our mutual friend told my ex the same thing -that she wants us single. and our mutual friend asked my ex not to tell me she said that. games games games.

 

so now i cant let the mutual friend know i have this info, or i throw the ex under the bus. and i still have to play nice guy to the mutual friend. me and the ex both agreed we will slowly back off from the mutual friend because she has ticked us both off. we will see how it goes......

 

did i say uggggg before?? what i realyl meant was UGGGGG!!!!!!

[SnowWhite924]

me and the ex both agreed we will slowly back off from the mutual friend because she has ticked us both off.

 

Hmm...sounds like your ex is jealous of your friendship with this mutual friend and is now trying to get you to end that friendship. Sounds like a game for sure.

[Hersheys]

well the mutual friend, i should have clarified (sorry) is another woman. we are strictly friends, we used to car pool up until last week. and she also hangs out with the ex. by the way the mutual friend has a boyfriend so there is nothign there with her and me like that.

 

the mutual friend told me she would rather see me and the ex single for her own selfish reasons - because she wants both our friendships. i got mad and said if you were really a friend you wouldnt say that. i asked her if she said the same thing to my ex. i would have got mad for interferring. she denied she told my ex. then i find out later, from my ex no less in talking on monday, that our mutual friend told my ex the same thing -that she wants us single. and our mutual friend asked my ex not to tell me she said that. games games games.

 

so now i cant let the mutual friend know i have this info, or i throw the ex under the bus. and i still have to play nice guy to the mutual friend. me and the ex both agreed we will slowly back off from the mutual friend because she has ticked us both off. we will see how it goes......

 

did i say uggggg before?? what i realyl meant was UGGGGG!!!!!!

 

 

Why not just back off from both of them?

 

Tell the ex that you're not interested in taking part of whatever it is that the mutual friend wants or is doing with you two. Contact with these two women clearly messed up your mind.

 

I don't know I could be wrong but in my opinion, agreeing with the ex that you will back off from the mutual friend sort of gave her an ego boost because it seemed like you chose her, she won over the friend.

[trueblue72ny]

ive been thinking a little more about it ...and have been wondering the same thing - is the ex trying to get me to split off from the mutual friend... ?? at the same time i do feel the mutual friend has been playing games with hearts. i am feeling like i dont know who i can trust between the both of them at this point. i feel agreeing with what the ex wants to do is another way for her to try and control things.

 

i just dont get what is so great about screwing around with minds. is it like a temporary high or something?

 

i feel like disassociating myself from both of them. yes, it has messed with my mind. you offer your friendship and people mess with that. i say dont mistake my kindness as weakness. so i wont let it show.

 

another friend of mine suggested next time i get an email from the ex, just ignore it. i just might try that. i have never done that before.

 

day 3 nc. i have to say that, ya it rocked me back to my foundations when she started to contact me again. i feel like i am starting all over agian, but i feel like i am bouncing back faster this time than during the initial no contact which lasted 17 days.

[CaliGuy]

Go read my thread in coping about my crazy ex to see what NC does. Not only does it heal you up much faster, it really helps you put your ex into perspective. And remember, this ex I work with as well (just like yours) only mine is dating another co-worker.

 

Essentially, she approached me this morning seeking friendship. Well, I don't owe her anything, much less friendship. The audacity of her to seek a friendship with me after the way she took me for granted and took advantage of me, bah. I have enemies that have treated me with more respect.

 

She wants the benefits I provided her while we were together without actually "being" with me. Sorry, no dice. I'm wasn't put on this planet to appease her or meet her needs whatsoever. If she doesn't want to be with me, she doesn't deserve the benefits being with me provided.

 

Same for your ex. Why does she deserve your friendship? I still scratch my head about that.

[You'reasian]

well the mutual friend, i should have clarified (sorry) is another woman. we are strictly friends, we used to car pool up until last week. and she also hangs out with the ex. by the way the mutual friend has a boyfriend so there is nothign there with her and me like that.

 

the mutual friend told me she would rather see me and the ex single for her own selfish reasons - because she wants both our friendships. i got mad and said if you were really a friend you wouldnt say that. i asked her if she said the same thing to my ex. i would have got mad for interferring. she denied she told my ex. then i find out later, from my ex no less in talking on monday, that our mutual friend told my ex the same thing -that she wants us single. and our mutual friend asked my ex not to tell me she said that. games games games.

 

so now i cant let the mutual friend know i have this info, or i throw the ex under the bus. and i still have to play nice guy to the mutual friend. me and the ex both agreed we will slowly back off from the mutual friend because she has ticked us both off. we will see how it goes......

 

did i say uggggg before?? what i realyl meant was UGGGGG!!!!!!

 

Women never play games.....

[SnowWhite924]

i feel like disassociating myself from both of them.

 

Great idea!!!