Even though 80% of women FILE for divorce

[jmargel]

jmargel, you're displaying exactly my point. I see no reason why women should always be the clear communicators in the relationship. Perhaps it's time men learn to clearly communicate and appreciate what they have. We're not your mothers. We're your partners. Think business deal with a partner. Do you suppose one partner relies on the other partner to nag the crap out of them until they finally listen? Guaranteed this doesn't happen in business or men-to-men friendships.

 

To take no responsibility for the "infatuation" period is like saying, I'm not responsible for myself as an adult. You're responsible for me and the entire relationship.

 

Communication needs to be done by both parties, but what I am saying is often a woman will tell us her problems, then the next day either apologize for being so upset, pretending yesterday didn't happen or in a4a's case even goes as far as to have sex with him.

 

When that 'infatuation' period was going on, when you were feeling like you were a princess is when you were also treating your man with the same dignity and respect. Of course the newness, the novelty is going to wear off, negative things will be said that would never be said during that first year and the love a couple has goes into a second stage.

 

During this infactuation perhaps you women set your expectations so high that you expect to feel this way for the rest of your lives with your man. No matter how rich, good looking, smart, affectionate, respectful, gentlemanly the guy is, this will NEVER happen.

 

You have to learn to adapt, adjust and more importantly COMMUNICATE with your spouse. You get from a marriage what you put into it. You lay blame on the guy, which is easy to do.

 

A4a, if he's such a dick then why are you still with him? If you hate him so much why drag yourself and him through the mud? Let me guess, fiancees, children, etc.. They are ALL excuses. You talk the talk but don't walk the walk. You are just living a miserable life by having this attitude.

 

jmargel, you're displaying exactly my point. I see no reason why women should always be the clear communicators in the relationship.

 

You need to be clear, consisce and communicative. You can't go from one extreme to another within a two day period and expect results. It's your responsibility to do this. You can't 'pretend' things are fine when inside you are extremely upset about something. Same goes for men, however it seems more prevalent with women that they go from one extreme to another.

[Trialbyfire]

Communication needs to be done by both parties, but what I am saying is often a woman will tell us her problems, then the next day either apologize for being so upset, pretending yesterday didn't happen or in a4a's case even goes as far as to have sex with him.

 

When that 'infatuation' period was going on, when you were feeling like you were a princess is when you were also treating your man with the same dignity and respect. Of course the newness, the novelty is going to wear off, negative things will be said that would never be said during that first year and the love a couple has goes into a second stage.

 

During this infactuation perhaps you women set your expectations so high that you expect to feel this way for the rest of your lives with your man. No matter how rich, good looking, smart, affectionate, respectful, gentlemanly the guy is, this will NEVER happen.

 

You have to learn to adapt, adjust and more importantly COMMUNICATE with your spouse. You get from a marriage what you put into it. You lay blame on the guy, which is easy to do.

 

A4a, if he's such a dick then why are you still with him? If you hate him so much why drag yourself and him through the mud? Let me guess, fiancees, children, etc.. They are ALL excuses. You talk the talk but don't walk the walk. You are just living a miserable life by having this attitude.

 

 

 

You need to be clear, consisce and communicative. You can't go from one extreme to another within a two day period and expect results. It's your responsibility to do this. You can't 'pretend' things are fine when inside you are extremely upset about something. Same goes for men, however it seems more prevalent with women that they go from one extreme to another.

I'm a very clear communicator, if you haven't already noticed.

 

I set my boundaries. Partners are given a few chances. Once they continue exceeding those boundaries beyond 1, 2, 3, they're out. I won't nag and expect that they won't nag. I also will not be mothered and expect that I won't be mothered in return. Men also should have clear boundaries. No one can respect or ever hope to meet, invisible boundaries. Forget that noise.

 

I've had a few deaf/mute partners. They're now ex-partners. Oh well.

[LakesideDream]

Wow, there is a lot of name calling and blame gaming on this thread. I love it! Change in relationships is brought on by fear, not the desire to have a better relationship. People "evolve" they seldom change.

 

My LTR is not a great example, I'll throw a couple of things out. When my kids were born, my now ex became a "stay at home" Mom and stayed that way for 12 years. Her "job" became the kids, and to a lesser extent the upkeep of the house. Her "job" was tough. no doubt about it. Tough as it was, there was time for visits to a friends to share "kid duty" and swim everyday, smoke pot, snort cocaine... during the summer. There was also time and money for three days a week at the gym. The Mortgage was paid, there was "pre-school" money when the kids were of an appropriate age, and vacation money so she could visit family and friends often when I was stuck staying in town to work.

 

My job evolved into a 12 hour per day profession which supported the home. I didn't have an "office job". I was on my feet all day. While it was difficult, it was only occasionally horriffic. I also mowed the lawns, maintained and repaired the automobiles. washed the windows, and often did the vacuming.

 

During those twelve years I heard that "I didn't help enough" MANY times. I heard "I have a headache" and "Not tonight" many times as well. The concept that I was pretty worn out when I came home wasn't important at all. It was the 1980's and we were well into the "age of impowered women".

 

I wasn't perfect. There were many things I was ignorant about in my early 30's. Lots of things I would do now if the clock could be rolled back. Which doesen't changed the fact that at the time I loved her faithfully, and did the best I could, at least 90% of the time. I had ZERO help with my responsibilities. If I didn't perform, we lost ground. She couldn't come to work with me and take up the slack. I did come home from work and take up hers.

 

Where is the equality there?

 

At 25 years of marriage, with both children grown and living away from home, she decided to walk away with the High School boyfriend she had been seeing throughout the marriage. I never had a clue. I was literally used up, looking forward to a comfortable transition to a low stress semi-retirement, and poof, I was alone. Where is the equality there?

 

There are two or more sides to every argument.

[BUENG1]

Again, in context. I suspect that men (in these cases) don't file because they have no reason to -- they are not being depleted. Up until she leaves, they are receiving love, patience, understanding, forgiveness...why would they NEED to file?

 

I think men don't file for divorce because practically(finances, time with their kids) they are likely to come out behind. Women do file because thats not likely the case.

[a4a]

Communication needs to be done by both parties, but what I am saying is often a woman will tell us her problems, then the next day either apologize for being so upset, pretending yesterday didn't happen or in a4a's case even goes as far as to have sex with him. Would you suggest I have sex outside the marriage..... I have brought up this option to him... he declined to accept. Or should I not have sex for 2 years? Keep in mind not all men have to beg for sex... nor do they masturbate daily or require sex even monthly..... my high expectations consist of having sex at least once a week. So a man would be confused if you had sex with him but literally told him this is just sex? OMG! If a man is angry with his wife will he turn down a BJ? probably not... so I like sex... he is handy (no pun) and he has been told this CLEARLY.

 

 

When that 'infatuation' period was going on, when you were feeling like you were a princess is when you were also treating your man with the same dignity and respect. Of course the newness, the novelty is going to wear off, negative things will be said that would never be said during that first year and the love a couple has goes into a second stage. Again - how many women just stop having sex after they "catch a man"...... men do the same thing. So okay how many men just turn into ice cold dicks post marriage.......It wasn't me that changed it was him....He lied.

 

 

During this infactuation perhaps you women set your expectations so high that you expect to feel this way for the rest of your lives with your man. No matter how rich, good looking, smart, affectionate, respectful, gentlemanly the guy is, this will NEVER happen. Being nearly 40 you would think a man or woman would be who they say they are(in my case since you decided to address me)... some of us don't have knights in shining armor fantasies. We want someone who simply does what they say they are going to do.This is high expectations??? Is it not him setting the expectations then? This is the same man who I told clearly I was not interested in having children.... post wedding decided kids would be great.

 

You have to learn to adapt, adjust and more importantly COMMUNICATE with your spouse. You get from a marriage what you put into it. You lay blame on the guy, which is easy to do. Perhaps he has to adapt? - and again in this case the guy lays blame to himself.... well actually not, he doesn't know why he is such a Dick. His words not mine.

 

 

A4a, if he's such a dick then why are you still with him? If you hate him so much why drag yourself and him through the mud? Let me guess, fiancees, children, etc.. They are ALL excuses. You talk the talk but don't walk the walk. You are just living a miserable life by having this attitude. Honestly I have come to the conclusion that I did not lie entering this contract. He did. Therefore he needs to move. Or continue to tolerate me. If I am so terrible he can move. Same thing right? My life is full of fun and laughter... just not when we are alone....... check out my posts I have a hell of a lot of fun..... lots of friends.... he has none. Guess that is my fault too.... or maybe he is just a dick? Maybe he is one of those people that just doesn't put anything into any kind of relationship?- I can accept that..... but I will not throw away my financial security, hurt people that rely on me, start a new business because he lied - remember he is a self confessing Dick/ sometimes he says A-hole.) Keep in mind some "excuses" are not excuses but damn good reasons....... If I move now I will lose everything I have worked for the last 18 years. Not just money. Not just a house. But my very reason for getting up each day. I may as well shoot myself in the head.

 

 

You need to be clear, consisce and communicative. You can't go from one extreme to another within a two day period and expect results.

 

Now this is funny....... H called a bit ago..... post the conversation I nicely reminded him that our relationship still sucked.... nothing has changed. And I apologized for not punching him in the head this morning to remind him of that..... I would hate for him to be running around confused all day thinking we were deeply in love. You know JM..... he was shocked. Dead silence on the phone. I did tell him last night.... and reminded him that we need to get divorced because HE WONT ADAPT..... perhaps he has short term memory loss? Maybe that is the problem.... some wedding cakes contain an ingredient that causes short term memory loss? ---- Btw I have not worn a wedding ring in 4 months.... I also asked him to remove his..... he is wearing his- he snuck it back on. Not like I pull the ring or anything else on and off for drama weekly. Clearly my mind does not change on a daily or monthly basis. He has it I have no clue where it is.... don't care.

 

 

It's your responsibility to do this. You can't 'pretend' things are fine when inside you are extremely upset about something. Same goes for men, however it seems more prevalent with women that they go from one extreme to another.

 

 

But again women always blame the guy..... yep....... and the poor guy is always clueless.

 

I think many women say exactly what they mean..... this reminds me of the "when a woman says no she really means yes" BS.

 

And I probably will tell him he is a Dick again tonight.

 

His shrink calls him a Dick but in a more professional way of course..... and his shrink is a guy. And his shrink said quote " you are very articulate"...... I think that means I talk good and make my point?

 

So not all men are the victims of a womans inability to communicate. Some just don't listen or like mine probably have some weird ass mental issue. Him and his issue can move out. I ain't budgin'.

 

 

 

You know the only reason I replied with such gusto is because I spent 1.5 years blaming myself.... what did I do wrong? Did I get fat..... 126lb is fat? Did I get uglier..... did I get stupid..... I blamed myself for being treated like a coffee table.... piece of furniture. I asked not to be treated that way..... hell I begged.... I tried to be even nicer.....

 

It took me this long to figure out it doesn't matter what I do he will continue to treat me in this manner...... but damn if I won't get a piece of ass when I want it!

 

So again blaming me (by name/story) for this failure just isn't going to sit well with me..... thus the reply... and don't take my reply as a personal attack. I just want you to understand that you don't really know how much some women like myself put up with - and I sincerely hope that you never treat your wife like a piece of furniture and if she says something believe it and act on it.

[soserious1]

The person that files is often not the person who ended the marriage.

[LakesideDream]

A4A, You aren't "putting up" with anything. You are making choices and acting on them. There are no chains holding you down. No opressive laws forcing you into domestic servitude. No Social mores forcing you to remain in a marriage that doesen't satisfy you.

 

You have every right to kivetch and complain, vent all you want. Work out your problems... or feed that inner goddess and walk away! No fuss, no muss, no bother, no social stigma, just sweet success.

 

You chose him, now you don't want him. He will never change. He "MAY" evolve over time. The choice is all yours. Make it.

[orangesean]

Wow, there is a lot of name calling and blame gaming on this thread. I love it! Change in relationships is brought on by fear, not the desire to have a better relationship. People "evolve" they seldom change.

 

My LTR is not a great example, I'll throw a couple of things out. When my kids were born, my now ex became a "stay at home" Mom and stayed that way for 12 years. Her "job" became the kids, and to a lesser extent the upkeep of the house. Her "job" was tough. no doubt about it. Tough as it was, there was time for visits to a friends to share "kid duty" and swim everyday, smoke pot, snort cocaine... during the summer. There was also time and money for three days a week at the gym. The Mortgage was paid, there was "pre-school" money when the kids were of an appropriate age, and vacation money so she could visit family and friends often when I was stuck staying in town to work.

 

My job evolved into a 12 hour per day profession which supported the home. I didn't have an "office job". I was on my feet all day. While it was difficult, it was only occasionally horriffic. I also mowed the lawns, maintained and repaired the automobiles. washed the windows, and often did the vacuming.

 

During those twelve years I heard that "I didn't help enough" MANY times. I heard "I have a headache" and "Not tonight" many times as well. The concept that I was pretty worn out when I came home wasn't important at all. It was the 1980's and we were well into the "age of impowered women".

 

I wasn't perfect. There were many things I was ignorant about in my early 30's. Lots of things I would do now if the clock could be rolled back. Which doesen't changed the fact that at the time I loved her faithfully, and did the best I could, at least 90% of the time. I had ZERO help with my responsibilities. If I didn't perform, we lost ground. She couldn't come to work with me and take up the slack. I did come home from work and take up hers.

 

Where is the equality there?

 

At 25 years of marriage, with both children grown and living away from home, she decided to walk away with the High School boyfriend she had been seeing throughout the marriage. I never had a clue. I was literally used up, looking forward to a comfortable transition to a low stress semi-retirement, and poof, I was alone. Where is the equality there?

 

There are two or more sides to every argument.

 

God that story makes me so sad. I hope something turns up right for you later.

 

To be truthful I don't know how it adds to the argument proposed in the thread, but it sure makes me frightened of staying with someone for 25 years, even though I wish to have a permanent, faithful, loving partner the rest of my life.

[NicoleHerself]

Ever hear the phrase, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? Maybe that's why it's the women who file for the divorce. In the context of this thread the woman feels neglected, unloved, unwanted and unappreciated. So she goes and files for divorce. Maybe her husband doesn't feel appreicated or wanted either, but just doesn't feel the need to file for divorce. Content to be discontent?

 

Well there's my two cents!

[Zolar]

Abuse is a common reason for divorce - the most common reason I know of among the divorced people I know. Usually, it's the woman who is being abused, so it is she who files. It's what happened in my case, I had to sneak out to find a lawyer, then I had to pay for it and try to escape with as little financial and physical damage to myself as possible.

 

Domestic abuse is a huge, huge problem in this country. My ex belongs behind bars, really, but through the circumstances of it all he is free and in far better shape financially and physically then I am right now.

 

I can't think of a divorced couple I know of at the moment where domestic abuse was not involved.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Abuse is a common reason for divorce - the most common reason I know of among the divorced people I know. Usually, it's the woman who is being abused, so it is she who files. It's what happened in my case, I had to sneak out to find a lawyer, then I had to pay for it and try to escape with as little financial and physical damage to myself as possible.

 

Domestic abuse is a huge, huge problem in this country. My ex belongs behind bars, really, but through the circumstances of it all he is free and in far better shape financially and physically then I am right now.

 

I can't think of a divorced couple I know of at the moment where domestic abuse was not involved.

 

Oh, my D was brought on by DV, and it was so, so gratifying to find his mugshot online six years later, after he got off on what he did to me, and got off on what he did to the next gal, to find him in prison for burglery for four years! Whee! Happy day, that.

 

(yes, I do check the Dept of Corr and and the SSA Death index for people I think deserve to die or go to prison, thanks!)

 

I don't think my current H would file for divorce because it would mean he'd have to open his own account and write checks. And he'd have to be a 24hr parent for two weekends a month. He prefers to go to work, come home to a clean house with dinner prepared, go to bed, and go back to work.

[jmargel]

a4a,

 

Calling him a 'dick' is ABUSE, how is that helping the situation? Does it make you feel better? Perhaps he calls himself that because that is what he feels about himself due to the situation and the verbal abuse you've given him.

 

You staying in a marriage for your own personal gain is not going to make you happy, just look at yourself now, you are miserable. My take on this, is that you are lashing out because he neglected you (or so you feel that way).

 

Have you two gone to marriage counseling BEFORE you had all this resentment towards him? As for him going to counseling it seems like he does want to make it work but you refuse to give him the chance. You are SO angry that your can't see through the smoke. From what I can see, you believe you are entitled to something and do this by using your husband.

 

Honestly if I hated my spouse so much there is no possible way I could have sex with her.

 

Again - how many women just stop having sex after they "catch a man"...... men do the same thing. So okay how many men just turn into ice cold dicks post marriage.......It wasn't me that changed it was him....He lied.

 

So I take he cheated? and please stop using the word 'dicks'. It would be like me referring to a woman (my ex, my wife, etc.. doesn't matter) as a c*nt. It's not appropirate.

 

Being nearly 40 you would think a man or woman would be who they say they are(in my case since you decided to address me)... some of us don't have knights in shining armor fantasies. We want someone who simply does what they say they are going to do.This is high expectations??? Is it not him setting the expectations then? This is the same man who I told clearly I was not interested in having children.... post wedding decided kids would be great.

 

People change even after marriage. Their wants and desires change as they get older. It happens with everything in life. As for children, both my wife and I never planned on having children but since our daughter was born in February my life has change SO much for the better. I've never smiled as much and as hard until she was born. As much as I had my life planned without children, I couldn't see my life without her in it now.

 

You have to learn to adapt and keep an open mind to change in regards to things like children. But you're right as well, that he has to adapt as well. You two both need to communicate what your needs and wants are and try to meet them as best you can.

 

Honestly I have come to the conclusion that I did not lie entering this contract. He did. Therefore he needs to move. Or continue to tolerate me. If I am so terrible he can move. Same thing right? My life is full of fun and laughter... just not when we are alone....... check out my posts I have a hell of a lot of fun..... lots of friends.... he has none. Guess that is my fault too.... or maybe he is just a dick? Maybe he is one of those people that just doesn't put anything into any kind of relationship?- I can accept that..... but I will not throw away my financial security, hurt people that rely on me, start a new business because he lied - remember he is a self confessing Dick/ sometimes he says A-hole.) Keep in mind some "excuses" are not excuses but damn good reasons....... If I move now I will lose everything I have worked for the last 18 years. Not just money. Not just a house. But my very reason for getting up each day. I may as well shoot myself in the head.

 

No, it's not the same. You express your desire to leave yet you fail to do so. You are afraid of the unknown so you will stay in a situation that makes you miserable. Sure you might have your fun with friends and family, but you are still alone. Seems like you put your self-worth into this man and since he's failed to live upto his end of the bargain you are going to stay for what reason? You won't lose everything, but if material items are that important to keep you in a miserable marriage, then that's your choice.

 

Now this is funny....... H called a bit ago..... post the conversation I nicely reminded him that our relationship still sucked.... nothing has changed. And I apologized for not punching him in the head this morning to remind him of that.....

 

This is the abuse that I'm talking about. This isn't funny. You talk about him being a d***, yet the things that come out of your mouth make it seem like you are also one. It's either you work on what is hurting you and resolve it and learn to communicate with your husband or just physically leave. It's the only way you will get this hatered out of you. This vile that you have in you is like you drinking the poision and expecting him to suffer because of it. That's not going to happen.

 

And if you look back on your situation I can guarnatee it all started with bad communication. It's COMMUNICATION that makes and breaks a marriage.

[serial muse]

The person that files is often not the person who ended the marriage.

 

This is very true, and it's a point that people who love that 80% statistic generally ignore wilfully.

 

I filed, because my husband cheated. Did that make me a walk-away wife? But now I'm part of an 80% statistic. It's such a crock.

 

I'm sure that when you average it out, both genders are about equally responsible for marriages ending. But I do think that there's a weird thing that men tend to step aside and "allow" women to do the actual filing. In some cases it may be "courtesy" of a sort, in others, cowardice. Or both. I'm sure that fears of getting reamed in a divorce are also an issue. I have no way of knowing which are predominant, so I'll use common sense. It's a mix, and trying to say that women are more flighty or some stupid crap based on a blanket statistic that doesn't tease apart the actual underlying causes of the end of the marriage is singularly useless.

 

In my case, however, and I can only speak from personal experience, I wanted exactly zip from him except to escape and be with someone who could be faithful. So I filed; please add that to the 80% tally. Thanks.

[LakesideDream]

Abuse is a common reason for divorce - the most common reason I know of among the divorced people I know. Usually, it's the woman who is being abused, so it is she who files. It's what happened in my case, I had to sneak out to find a lawyer, then I had to pay for it and try to escape with as little financial and physical damage to myself as possible.

 

Domestic abuse is a huge, huge problem in this country. My ex belongs behind bars, really, but through the circumstances of it all he is free and in far better shape financially and physically then I am right now.

 

I can't think of a divorced couple I know of at the moment where domestic abuse was not involved.

 

Zolar, I don't doubt a word you've written. I do believe that different ages and sexes make a big difference.

 

I'm a 58 year old man. I know one couple who's divorce just became final, and they are still fighting over everything. I know the guy was a jerk, I've seen him in action. He cheated a bunch of times, and the lady had had enough.

 

I also know three other couples who are currently divorcing. Those three have similar stories. All three have been married 15-25 years. All three have adult children. In all three cases the women filed for "no fault" divorces for reasons all centered around "needing space" "feeling un-fullfilled", and "wanting to see if they can make it on their own".....

 

I know for sure two of the cases involve other/new men.

 

Our experiances depend a lot on our ages, and social situations. There are as many stories as there are people/couples.

 

I'm sorry you had an abusive relationship. Nobody man or woman deserves to be abused. I hope you have better luck in the future.

[stone22]

All may be true. Men are also less likely to want to admit that they may have made a mistake in who they chose.

 

I do agree with a previous post- you do find a lot of women that have very unreal expectations about marriage.

 

I often wonder what women look forward to the most- the wedding or the marriage? Hmmm... now that's a thinker.

[stone22]

A4A, You aren't "putting up" with anything. You are making choices and acting on them. There are no chains holding you down. No opressive laws forcing you into domestic servitude. No Social mores forcing you to remain in a marriage that doesen't satisfy you.

 

You have every right to kivetch and complain, vent all you want. Work out your problems... or feed that inner goddess and walk away! No fuss, no muss, no bother, no social stigma, just sweet success.

 

You chose him, now you don't want him. He will never change. He "MAY" evolve over time. The choice is all yours. Make it.

 

 

Holy Buckets!!!! How true is that!

 

Why do people sit and complain? YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. Well, at least a choice on how you react or pro-act.

[Bells]

Abuse is a common reason for divorce - the most common reason I know of among the divorced people I know. Usually, it's the woman who is being abused, so it is she who files. It's what happened in my case, I had to sneak out to find a lawyer, then I had to pay for it and try to escape with as little financial and physical damage to myself as possible.

 

Domestic abuse is a huge, huge problem in this country. My ex belongs behind bars, really, but through the circumstances of it all he is free and in far better shape financially and physically then I am right now.

 

I can't think of a divorced couple I know of at the moment where domestic abuse was not involved.

 

As far as abuse is concerned, I hear alot of women even LIE about being abused because it will favor them in the divorce (get everything).

 

I had a friend of mine, very passive easy going guy, the witch was going ape sh*t on him physically and all he was doing was holding her arms / wrists to restrain her...the stupid woman apparently fell and hurt herself...and called it "abuse" ..and called the cops....he had to go to anger mgt>LOL

 

Imagine HIM, in anger mgt? What a joke....got in trouble over some woman that lied on him in order to gain favor in the justice system.

[Bells]

About the 80% thing....alot of men out there are like "yeah, that's typical....women these days don't need us...but only for our wallets or when we need to fix their car or somethin...then when they get tired of us, they toss us in for a newer model.....WOMEN!"

 

At least thats the story I get from alot of men.

 

They assume that with how "women are these days" that it's not suprising that majority of divorces are filed by the women....and doing the break ups...while men claim how loyal they've been and are willing to "stick out" the marriage...to times of even boasting about it.

[Woggle]

Most women are simply unpleasable. You can give her the stars and she will want the moon and then she is not happy she will want the universe then when she is still not happy she will resent the hell out of you and blame you for everything. Most women these days simply do not understand the notion that there is no perfect magical love and that men are human beings who will sometimes make mistakes. I don't see why men should change when these women made the choice to marry him. You don't bring home a cat expecting it to turn into a dog so why do women marry a man expecting him to change? I really do feel for men caught in this situation because it makes them doubt themselves and wonder what the hell they did wrong to make her so angry?

[Geishawhelk]

people do change. It's part of evolving and of being a human being.

It's not a question of a cat becoming a dog. It's a question of a kitten becoming a cat.....

We all of us have different ideals to those we might have had even a few years back. People never stop changing.

But yes, demanding or expecting a person to change according to our whims and desires, is completely unreasonable.

And notice I said person, because an awful lot of men have these expectations of their women, too... So I really don't believe it is representative of one gender alone.

The important is to evolve alongside your partner, and to be felxibel enough to accommodate their changing, too...

Kahil Gibran said it very well....

 

......Let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

 

(Kahil Gibran on Marriage.)

[Geishawhelk]

"...felxibel".....?!

 

FLEXIBLE!!

[joybean72]

Most women are simply unpleasable. You can give her the stars and she will want the moon and then she is not happy she will want the universe then when she is still not happy she will resent the hell out of you and blame you for everything. Most women these days simply do not understand the notion that there is no perfect magical love and that men are human beings who will sometimes make mistakes. I don't see why men should change when these women made the choice to marry him. You don't bring home a cat expecting it to turn into a dog so why do women marry a man expecting him to change? I really do feel for men caught in this situation because it makes them doubt themselves and wonder what the hell they did wrong to make her so angry?

 

I guess most men these days closet cocaine addicts too then? (Because I didn't know that when I married my stbx.)

[Woggle]

I guess most men these days closet cocaine addicts too then? (Because I didn't know that when I married my stbx.)

 

Plenty of women sniff coke and do other drugs as well. Addiction does not have a gender.

[Bells]

Abuse is a common reason for divorce - the most common reason I know of among the divorced people I know. Usually, it's the woman who is being abused, so it is she who files. It's what happened in my case, I had to sneak out to find a lawyer, then I had to pay for it and try to escape with as little financial and physical damage to myself as possible.

 

Domestic abuse is a huge, huge problem in this country. My ex belongs behind bars, really, but through the circumstances of it all he is free and in far better shape financially and physically then I am right now.

 

I can't think of a divorced couple I know of at the moment where domestic abuse was not involved.

 

Well actually the MOST common reason for divorce is actually over financial reasons.

 

But I think even more common...is that people are tired of being married to each other....actually know an old acquaintence of mine that him in his wife divorced...why? Because they got tired of each other....they weren't at each others throats..no struggles....just like an old car you like to trade in for something new.

 

That's the problem with some people...they are spoiled and they bore easily.

[Mz. Pixie]

Plenty of women sniff coke and do other drugs as well. Addiction does not have a gender.

 

Neither does infidelity and leaving a marriage.