danny101500 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I have been together with my bf for 2.5 years. We currently live together which makes things more complicated. Over the last 6 months our relationship has devolved. We don't communicate, we can't really even make it through a dinner out without arguing, time together isn't fun and there is no more sexual spark. For me, the relationship is dead and I'd just like to separate and move on. The problem is that my bf won't agree to end the relationship. He keeps saying that I still love him, and he knows we can work it out. We have tried many times but I just want to cut my loses at this point. The problem is that we signed a new 12 month lease together only 2 months ago (I know, big mistake when there are problems) and he won't move out. I offered to move out, but he can't afford the place on his own. I even offered to give him 1.5 months rent to cover his moving costs, and he still won't move out. He makes excuses that he doesn't have time to find a new place and that he has no intention of leaving. What can I do in this situation? I feel like a prisoner in this relationship. How can I convince him to leave, without being excessively cruel?
Geishawhelk Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Move your stuff out to the spare room, and don't cook for him, don't wsh for him, and go out and meet new people. if he won't take the hint, you may have to leave more graphic evidence that you are moving on. I don't mean baltant sez with a guy on the sofa while he's watching a football game, but tell him in subtle ways that you are serious. tell him you've been asked out on a date, and you're going to go..... anything to make him see that you are deadly serious. Separate emotionally from him. Don't get drawn into discussions about you two, other than to say "I've been trying to tell you, but you won't listen....."
Geishawhelk Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Darn it..... too late to edit!! I mean 'blatant sex' not 'baltant sez'....!
lovelorcet Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Tell him that he has 3 months to find a roommate. Use the first 1.5 to find a place of your own and be moved out by then and give him the last 1.5 as a grace period. That is more than fair...
Treasa Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Find out from the landlord what it will take to break your lease. Since you're the one doing the breaking up, you should be the one to pay the fee. Tell your soon-to-be-ex that you're breaking up, and that you're giving him three months (as someone else suggested) to find another apartment, because by then you will be gone.
Geishawhelk Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Yep. I'm afraid you will have to definitely show him you mean business. "Telling him" obviously isn't doing it.....
Author danny101500 Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Thanks for the advice. I agree that the best approach would be for me to move out myself but since he also signed the lease, and he won't agree to break it, there is really nothing the landlord can do to end it. I'd gladly pay the termination fee if it meant I could get out. The only approach I have is to stop providing anything for him and live my social life without him. I can only hope that the isolation will make the point for him. I'm worried that it wont though, and that Ill still have to come home to him being there for another 10 months.
lovelorcet Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 But if your name is on the lease then you can break it.
Treasa Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Yes, he can't force you to stay there. And he can't make you stay in the relationship. Can you stay with someone else, like parents, if you continue to pay for this apartment?
Ronni_W Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 baltant sez with a guy on the sofa That's my new code word for 'sofa sex' -- kind of adult "simon sez", one might say. danny, it sounds as if you would be being "excessively cruel" to yourself, if you don't do whatever you have to do, to get out of this esteem-eroding situation. Your own emotional well-being is more important than whether he can afford the rent, and whatever else. Once you pay the termination fee to the landlord, it's highly unlikely that they can still hold you liable. (Just keep good documentation, maybe?) And then it's up to them, what they want to do about their remaining tenant.
Geishawhelk Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 That's my new code word for 'sofa sex' -- kind of adult "simon sez", one might say. Oh I hear ya! Yez, that's a good 'un! I'll letcha hav that wun!! (I'm practising crappee English!)
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