konfuzd Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 My bf is beginning the moving process tomorrow. He currently lives 14 hours away, and he's moving to a house with his best friend (let's call him Dick-for reasons which will become apparent) who is an hour away from me. My bf and I decided it would be better for him to live with his friend so we can adjust to being in close proximity before we move in together. Dick is a major player. Everywhere he goes, he tries to pick up women. He has never been faithful in a relationship and he doesn't seem to have any feelings of guilt or remorse, it's more pride than anything. He is always bragging about the chicks he scores with and is trying to put as many notches in the bedpost as possible. My bf is on the opposite side of the spectrum. He's only been with 3 other girls, and all of them were 2+ year relationships. He has told me many times he wants to settle down and get married in the next couple years and that he's excited to spend the rest of his life with me. After BF and Dick signed a one year lease on this place, BF tells me he's a bit concerned about living with Dick. Dick is essentially living the bachelor's dream, and constantly brings multiple girls home from the bar etc. BF wants to go out and party with Dick, but doesn't always want it to be about getting girls. BF thinks that constantly seeing his friend's behavior might make him a bit jealous, as he's never lived that kind of lifestyle. Then, he goes on to tell me that not long ago, Dick invited him on a weekend trip, he was bringing a female friend with him who has a huge crush on BF. Dick told him he could set them up, using the phrase "she's a sure thing, and your gf will never find out". BF decided it would be better not to go on the trip, and spent the weekend with me instead. I was irate! I wanted to confront Dick (with my fist) and tell him what a jerk he is. He is the one who hooked me and BF up in the first place. He knows we've been together over a year. BF was pretty upset himself about what his friend had said, felt like he should know that BF is not the cheating type. He said it's the first time in their 20+ year friendship, he's felt on a different level than him. He didn't want me to say anything to Dick, because he didn't want to make a big issue out of it. This happened over a month ago, and I kind of pushed it to the back of my mind, but now that the move is happening, I'm kind of freaking out. I trust my BF, and don't think he'd cheat on me, but I'm afraid that being around this guy may influence BF to try the single life. I don't know what to do!
Ronni_W Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Friend obviously doesn't care about your b/f's happiness and desire to be with you -- maybe he is even jealous of it. "Friend" doesn't have your b/f's best interest at heart. THAT is what b/f needs to keep in mind. Because, if "Friend" can't manipulate him about you, he might try to sabotage your b/f in other ways. But. If just being around someone would make your b/f act out in ways that he doesn't want to, then it's on your b/f...not his friend or the situation or whatever. Your b/f is responsible for his own thoughts, feelings, words and actions. Saying, "Well, friend influenced me to act as if I am single," would be BS. It will be difficult on both of you, now that you and his soon-to-be roommate don't get along. I'd suggest that you and your b/f take steps to ensure that you won't let it affect your relationship. Your b/f sounds like a stand-up guy. The best you can do, IMO, is exactly what you have been doing -- count on him to do the right thing, as he has in any case been doing. You be the rock, and let "Friend" prove his true colours...which he will do in due course.
Author konfuzd Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 Thanks Ronni, you always give such heartfelt and thoughtful advice. I really appriciate it. I had a heart-to-heart with bf last night. I expressed some of my fears and he completely eased my mind. He told me that he honestly does think about other girls and fantasizes about them, but when it comes down to it, a hook up isn't worth losing what we have. He told me that he plans on marrying me one day, and he doesn't want to live the rest of his life with the guilt of betrayal. As for Dick, I do get along with him. He has been a friend for a couple years. He is the reason I am with my man. I was hurt because I thought he had more respect for me, but you are absolutely right, I need to trust my bf to do the right thing, which I'm sure he will.
Geishawhelk Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 You know, there really is nothing wrong at some time telling Dick about how close you two are, and how grateful you are that he brought you together, and that there is nobody else for either of you, and that you hope he finds something equally wonderful too.... Just find a nice way of asking him to behave himself and not disrespect you both...... but a way that also lets him know that if not for him, you two guys wouldn't be an item........? Sometimes, people need to have it laid on the line, and to be told where the limits are. But in a nice way.
Author konfuzd Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 Thanks Geishawhelk, also really good advice. I think I will do that.
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