messyjessie207 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I've been with my bf for almost 5 years. We started out with the soul mate, puppy dog love, total connection bull crap. That lasted at least a year. We were both heavily drinking and drugging, and simply existed in a drug haze for another year. I was about to leave him because of his substance abuse problems, and emotional abuse, but then I got pregnant. During my pregnancy he said that he would change, and they were empty promises. Eventually he did change, right after the birth of our son, and he really is an amazing father. He has changed so much, and I give him total credit for what he has done, but I cant continue making excuses for the changes that he has not done. They are too numerous to list. We have been sleeping in seperate rooms for at least 6 months now due to our sons sleeping problems, and now I could move back into the master bedroom with him, but I have no desire to do so. I've started to become really agitated around him; some reasons are justifiable, but mostly I am just a bitch. I dont know what is wrong with me sometimes. And then when I am being sincere he instantly thinks I am on the defensive. It's a vicious cycle. I recently got laid off, and now am staying at home with our son due to child care issues. I had another job lined up, but with no childcare that job fell through. I am mostly financially dependant on him, and he really cares about our family. He is taking on more work and will make ends meet. So he really is a fine man when I consider what most women are going through. He may not compliment me ever on cooking, cleaning, driving him everywhere, or on my looks, but he does care. But I dont think I'm in love with him anymore. We still have sex, but it is more for fulfilling needs then enjoying pleasuring eachother. I feel like we are roommates, and I am scared to death about telling him my thoughts. He's the type that is quick to anger, and he would just leave. And if he left and we broke up for awhile there would be no chance of reconciliation. He's not one to ever start up something that has ended. I feel like I need a break; time to sort out my thoughts, but I cant leave because I cant make it financially. And I know that if I left and decided I really did love him, he would never take me back. EVER. He would be certain that I cheated on him while gone, or someting else crazy. He's very jealous. I dont know what to do. I know I'm having a hard time forgiving him for his past errors, so this is mainly my fault...
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