idk whats worse.trying not to call her.or her not calling me

[jjjustplaying]

So ive known her for awhile, but we really started haging out last winter and I ended up taking her to prom. I've never been bad with girls or nething but I've never really had a 'serious' girlfriend, i guess i just dont let too many people in that close. Anyway, no matter how cautious i tried to be with her, she could melt me with one look. Beautiful. But even though she tried to play off the cool, preppy, jock, status; she was really just a cute nerd..and secretly i kinda am too. I fell really hard for her and before I knew it it was everyday together.. perfect chemistry..great sex.. same weird quirks. (name two other people that eat icecream just beacuse they dont like it) it felt amazing to be able to connect with someone on that level.. we spent all summer together but it was hard knowing i was going to be going to college 7 hours away. It wasnt hard deciding to stay together. We were crazy about eachother and our family liked eachother too. Everything fit so well I figured it would just be a tough 3 months then Id be back for break. She played field hockey, so everyday after school she had paractice, and i had some late classes.. but we still got to talk a little. Even when she called me crying for 2 weeks straight cause life was getting hectic, and all i wanted to do was have a regular fun convo like we used too, Id talk to her until she calmed down and was good to try and sleep. After awhile though it got weirder, she used to call me the second she got out of work at 10:01.. i started getting texts at 10:30 saying shed call me after she ate. I'd send her pics and texts.. not even trying to be attention getting.. but just something for her to read in class and make her happy. but id barly get any response. i decided we should take a break until she came up to visit in 2 weeks. that lasted about a minute until i realized i liked her so much i would either have to be with her or not.. i couldnt do any in between ****. We got back together but then it just fell off completly. we'd talk for 2 minutes a night. So a couple ago I called her to end it. I said that it had been good but it was better if we just end it since its clearly what were trying to do, I said good luck with senior year and im sorry for interrupting you cause i know your busy with your homework. then i said bye. She texted me once right after saying that i was the best boyfriend/friend/lover shed ever had and she was gonna miss me. i didnt say nething. I still loved her but i didnt want to make it dramatic cause i knew i couldnt deal with that. a day later some of my friends back at highschool said she told her shes been talking with this guy she used to talk with and they "reconnected" a little. There not together or anything but its still kinda messed up? Even if i could have her back now i wouldnt want to. But that doesnt keep me from liking her and missing her. we still havent talked.. but she must feel the same way right? i keep looking at my phone for a text or something.. How can i not want her but still love her and miss her? Sometimes i just want to call her and ask if this is what she wants. but i know she said no and wanted to get back i could never trust her or feel the same. but that doesnt make it easier to let her go ...idk

[jjjustplaying]

if anyone has any advice lemme know. it would help a lot. thx