alwayssme Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I really need some tips on how to let him go and actually TRULY let him go...please read...and let me know what you think would help a little...its been two months since the break-up I hate his myspace page..its so funny cause i actually wished he would make one again (he deleted it before) and now I see he made a new one..its private so i cant see much info but his headline says a new begining...now i have talked to him and seen him so its not like im automatically assuming he's doing good because of it...but the thing is HE IS FINE WITHOUT ME...he even told me, he isn't hurting over the fact that it's over (he broke it off, of course) and that even though he misses me sometimes, we're a part of the past and we'll never get back together, he said he's moved on from me and has no feelings for me whats so ever (except for friendship and he's still attracted to me) but he is not in love with me anymore and doesn't want to be with me...i sent him a friend request and he won't accept it, he said he doesn't want us to be friends on myspace...i cannot beleive to how much things have changed...we were literally INSEPARABLE for so long...how can he just cut me out of his life and not even miss me?? that hurts me soo much, to the point that it makes me soo angry at him...he threw me away and is acting like he is better than me. and im letting him do it...please give me some tips and how to REALLY let him go...and move on, cuz the worst thing about being heartbroken is knowing that the one who broke your heart is careless about you and hardly thinks of you.
Author alwayssme Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 i saw this movie the other night and it said "they should invent a pill so u can stop loving someone"...why do we love people who hurted us? ahh:o
quankanne Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 know that while this broken relationship hurts, it also brings you one step closer that the love you're ultimately meant to have. That the love you had with this person was an exercise in growing your heart bigger ... you *know* that you're capable of giving and receiving love, no matter what the turnout was, you know?
Author alwayssme Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 yeah its just hard to look at it like that when ur still in love with ur ex, and cant even imagine another man touching you
BoerumHill Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 yeah its just hard to look at it like that when ur still in love with ur ex, and cant even imagine another man touching you I know the feeling (OK, not the man touching me part... ). Time and distance. It's the only thing I know that works. Stay busy, take up a new hobby, join a new group to do things with, work out (a lot!), take a class, do something/anything to get you started in a new direction. But it all comes down to time. There is no right or wrong answer on how long it takes, the heart has its own clock. Read a lot of posts here...you'll find other people where you are at now...more importantly, you'll find just as many or more who were in that place you are at now. Seems hard to imagine now, but this too shall pass. Hang in there.
eugene3 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 For a min there i thought this was my post. Can i ask what happend and how long you two have been done. My ex said the excact words to me that she is happy now and over me but she still things of me but she said she broke it off for both of ours well being. Its been 7 months today that she ended it but the first 3 months she was hurting and loved me she said then as more time went on she said she now feels nothing. I think things are this way because i chased her all this time and when they know you are waiting for them or you dont give them time or a chance to miss you it helps them get over you. Now i don't know your situation but if you are always there meaning in his life as far as begging and pleading to change his mind he will never actually feel how it is without you and he needs to. Trust me it took me 7 months to realize that and now i can only hope as time goes on she thinks a little and if not then i am on my way to heal and ths is what you need to do. Leave him alone and move on. If the future holds that you two are meant to be together it will only happen if you let it and move on. Absence makes the haeart grow fonder. Trust me let 3-5 months go by he will wonder to at least what your doing and why you are not bothering him anymore.
Author alwayssme Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 hey eugene..i guess your right..we were together for 2 years and been broken up for 2 months now...i was always chasing him and crying for him to get back..but the thing is that even when i leave him alone, he still has moved on..so there is nothing i can do to make him regret his decision, he fell out of love...now i want to focus on ME and be able to move on...it's just so hard especially knowing how fast he moved on without me...he even said he wishes i liked him as a friend so it would be easier for me
MrEELB Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I havent got alot of space in life for loads of emotion at the minute as believe it or not I am going through a rough break up. However some basic tips to help you on the way. TIME - Give your self time to heal. GREAT MATES - Be around great mates to help you through your ordeal. SELF CONTROL - Show you can live without your ex.
Ronni_W Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 its just hard to look at it like that when ur still in love with ur ex Part of it is to just feed your mind something else. It's a conscious decision, a choice that you make, to STOP yourself when you hear words in your head (or coming out of your mouth...or typing fingers) like, "I'm still in love with my ex" and "I'm so heartbroken over my ex." It's retraining your brain to start thinking something new, something related to letting go and moving forward. "I'm not as in love with my ex as I used to be" and "Tomorrow my heart won't feel as broken as today." Just start saying it, even if it feels a bit "off" at the beginning. And, when it does feel true for you (and it will sooner than later), take it the next step forward until you get to, "I'm so over my ex, and my heart is so whole...I totally amazed myself with my self-healing abilities!" Every single time you catch your thoughts getting stuck in the old, past, historical details of you life, just say, "No! I want to think something different." And then think ANYthing different...how one might build a time machine, or how would you spend a million dollars. It doesn't matter, as long as it is different. Hugs and good luck.
CaliGuy Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 There is no magic wand to heal anyone of the pain of loss. If there was, he or she would be extremely rich. So what is it? Time? No -- time does NOT heal all wounds, but it's part of the equation. It's what you DO with your time that determines how long it will take for you to heal. I am sure you've head of NO CONTACT here. It's preached over and over and over again. Why? Simply put it is the quickest way to heal and WEAN yourself from a broken relationship. You need to do the following. 1. Strict absolute NO CONTACT. That means NO MYSPACE! No checking up on him online, no asking friends, no calling, no drunk dialing, no IM, no email -- NOTHING! Zip, zero, nada contact. Take his phone number in your phone and change his name to DO NOT ANSWER. Completely remove any reminders of him from your life. You need to make it as though he never existed. 2. Accept that it's over. Fact is, it is. He told you so. It takes two to make a relationship work. If one person doesn't want to work on the relationship then it's out of your hands and there is nothing you can do to change that. Chasing him, being his buddy all that other crap does is hurt you. It doesn't help you heal. In fact, it sets your healing back to square one. Any contact with him or seeking information on him will set you back. So don't do it! 3. Grieve. Do whatever you need to do. Talk to friends, talk a counselor, cry - whatever. Just don't drink, do drugs or mope around. 4. Get to the gym! Yep. It's a scientific fact that working out releases endorphins which helps stave off depression. Don't want to be depressed? EXERCISE! The added benefit is you will look better in addition to feeling better. And that means the next guy who comes along is going to benefit from all the frustration you've worked out at the gym. 5. Find some new hobbies. Skydiving, bungee jumping and other hobbies that you are afraid of. The only way to overcome fear and build confidence is to FACE your fears. It will also get you introduced to new friends. 6. Hang out with your friends. GO OUT! Go to dinner, go dancing, etc. Just surround yourself with a good solid support group of friends. If you become a recluse you will take a much longer time to heal. 7. Write a list of all his or her bad attributes up and place in somewhere within reach when you find yourself wanting to contact them. I have found when I was objective, the list of CONS about my ex far exceeded the PROS and I was better able to accept that it being over was actually GOOD for me. Why waste time on someone who is bad for me when all that does is delay the RIGHT woman from finding me? Catch my drift? 8. You gotta let it go. You have to accept that it's over and finished and that he or she is never coming back. The sooner you do that, the sooner the healing process kicks in. It’s never easy getting over someone. However, you can take what you have learned from this experience to make you a STRONGER person and better equipped emotionally to know when the next one who comes along is right for you or not. Too often we ignore red flags out of infatuation and get ourselves wrapped up in how GREAT we think this person is when in reality - THEY SUCK! The last couple of exs I've had were not good people. They were insecure, needy, clingy and selfish. I don't want or need someone like that in my life. And when you too become confident, self-assured and happy you will be able to discern the good people from the bad and avoid getting involved with people who are bad for you. The bottom line? You'll heal and get over this when you are darn good and ready. The only issue is when are you going to get to that point? Most likely when you are tired of feeling sorry for yourself. Remember: YOU are the only person on this planet responsible for your wants, needs and happiness. Best of luck!
Author alwayssme Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 that was really good..thanks caliguy
CaliGuy Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 You're welcome. Now do yourselves a favor and FOLLOW it!
Author alwayssme Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 sometimes the worst part is that we don't want to let it go...we wish for them to come back and love us again...that's what makes letting go so hard...when you love someone, the last thing you want to do is live without them...ughhh!!! i wish i could stop loving him so i wouldnt hurt so much..i wish i could only see him as a friend....
Thunder bay Posted October 3, 2008 Posted October 3, 2008 I know how do you actually stop loving a person???...its true you dont know what you got till its gone.
mixwell Posted October 4, 2008 Posted October 4, 2008 There is no magic wand to heal anyone of the pain of loss. If there was, he or she would be extremely rich. So what is it? Time? No -- time does NOT heal all wounds, but it's part of the equation. It's what you DO with your time that determines how long it will take for you to heal. I am sure you've head of NO CONTACT here. It's preached over and over and over again. Why? Simply put it is the quickest way to heal and WEAN yourself from a broken relationship. You need to do the following. 1. Strict absolute NO CONTACT. That means NO MYSPACE! No checking up on him online, no asking friends, no calling, no drunk dialing, no IM, no email -- NOTHING! Zip, zero, nada contact. Take his phone number in your phone and change his name to DO NOT ANSWER. Completely remove any reminders of him from your life. You need to make it as though he never existed. 2. Accept that it's over. Fact is, it is. He told you so. It takes two to make a relationship work. If one person doesn't want to work on the relationship then it's out of your hands and there is nothing you can do to change that. Chasing him, being his buddy all that other crap does is hurt you. It doesn't help you heal. In fact, it sets your healing back to square one. Any contact with him or seeking information on him will set you back. So don't do it! 3. Grieve. Do whatever you need to do. Talk to friends, talk a counselor, cry - whatever. Just don't drink, do drugs or mope around. 4. Get to the gym! Yep. It's a scientific fact that working out releases endorphins which helps stave off depression. Don't want to be depressed? EXERCISE! The added benefit is you will look better in addition to feeling better. And that means the next guy who comes along is going to benefit from all the frustration you've worked out at the gym. 5. Find some new hobbies. Skydiving, bungee jumping and other hobbies that you are afraid of. The only way to overcome fear and build confidence is to FACE your fears. It will also get you introduced to new friends. 6. Hang out with your friends. GO OUT! Go to dinner, go dancing, etc. Just surround yourself with a good solid support group of friends. If you become a recluse you will take a much longer time to heal. 7. Write a list of all his or her bad attributes up and place in somewhere within reach when you find yourself wanting to contact them. I have found when I was objective, the list of CONS about my ex far exceeded the PROS and I was better able to accept that it being over was actually GOOD for me. Why waste time on someone who is bad for me when all that does is delay the RIGHT woman from finding me? Catch my drift? 8. You gotta let it go. You have to accept that it's over and finished and that he or she is never coming back. The sooner you do that, the sooner the healing process kicks in. It’s never easy getting over someone. However, you can take what you have learned from this experience to make you a STRONGER person and better equipped emotionally to know when the next one who comes along is right for you or not. Too often we ignore red flags out of infatuation and get ourselves wrapped up in how GREAT we think this person is when in reality - THEY SUCK! The last couple of exs I've had were not good people. They were insecure, needy, clingy and selfish. I don't want or need someone like that in my life. And when you too become confident, self-assured and happy you will be able to discern the good people from the bad and avoid getting involved with people who are bad for you. The bottom line? You'll heal and get over this when you are darn good and ready. The only issue is when are you going to get to that point? Most likely when you are tired of feeling sorry for yourself. Remember: YOU are the only person on this planet responsible for your wants, needs and happiness. Best of luck! Best advice to be given... I went through a tough break up with a 7 year relationship and got over it.. Since then I've only had 1 other girl that I was interested in enough to be my girlfriend and that I loved.. The saying that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger is soo true.. I've learned a TON from my 1st breakup and what not to do and how to act that this time around I am coping very well and will never make the mistakes I did before. We gain knowledge from experiences in life and this is a harsh experience but you will learn a lot from it once its said and over with. Good luck in time being. The hard part will be following the advice given to you here and the post by CaliGuy is spot on and the sooner you follow it the better it will be even though you are going to be blinded by emotional actions instead of logical ones right now.
Author alwayssme Posted October 4, 2008 Author Posted October 4, 2008 i guess i'm puttin my ex out to be like he completely doesnt care...he still talks to me and misses me at some point but the whole point is that HE HAS MOVED ON and doesnt want us to get back...so i need to do the same and move on..no matter how much i love this man
allxxs84 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 but he's not a friend! and that thinking will only keep you trapped in a one way self defeating loop, that will prevent you from finding "the one" "never waste your time on someone that wont waste their time on you" there is someone out there that will blow him away in every way and more. you cheat yourself from meeting him looking back at a dead end. focus on your future, picture your true love in your mind,(not him) and know you will find the love of your life!
9Lives Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I really need some tips on how to let him go and actually TRULY let him go...please read...and let me know what you think would help a little...its been two months since the break-up I hate his myspace page..its so funny cause i actually wished he would make one again (he deleted it before) and now I see he made a new one..its private so i cant see much info but his headline says a new begining...now i have talked to him and seen him so its not like im automatically assuming he's doing good because of it...but the thing is HE IS FINE WITHOUT ME...he even told me, he isn't hurting over the fact that it's over (he broke it off, of course) and that even though he misses me sometimes, we're a part of the past and we'll never get back together, he said he's moved on from me and has no feelings for me whats so ever (except for friendship and he's still attracted to me) but he is not in love with me anymore and doesn't want to be with me...i sent him a friend request and he won't accept it, he said he doesn't want us to be friends on myspace...i cannot beleive to how much things have changed...we were literally INSEPARABLE for so long...how can he just cut me out of his life and not even miss me?? that hurts me soo much, to the point that it makes me soo angry at him...he threw me away and is acting like he is better than me. and im letting him do it...please give me some tips and how to REALLY let him go...and move on, cuz the worst thing about being heartbroken is knowing that the one who broke your heart is careless about you and hardly thinks of you. I really think you are torching yourself. YOu will be able to move on if you stop keeping up with what he is doing. I would stop that and you will begin to feel better. I dont want to know what my ex is doing at all.
BlueHarvest Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I have a simple statement for you to think about alwayssme. You feel bad right now right? Really low right? Like you are the loneliest person on the planet right? In order to feel that low....the love you felt has to equal it. There is balance in everything. For every high, a low, for every positive a negative. In order to understand this you have to accept the fact that it is over, like Carhill said. But at the same time, cherish the good memories, realize that in order for you to feel this bad at this point in time, you must have felt really GREAT in an earlier part of time. Love is like this. There will always be hills and valleys of love in your life. The best thing to do is when you are in the valleys, just remember how the hills felt and that should help you feel better. (BUT DO NOT dwell on them, do not harbour illusions of getting back together.)
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