Isolde Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I've been toying with Craigs on and off, from the conviction that you never know who you'll find online, but results have been depressing. Responses are either a) creepy: "HEY IM 6'5300IBS BRNHAIR GRN EYES WHITE MALE HIT ME UP AT 5555555555" b) sad: guy spends like 20 minutes crafting a careful response, but i scroll down to the pic and just am not interested c) confusing: i'm 80% sure this person and i wouldn't have chemistry if we went on a date because we don't have much in common, but then again it's hard to communicate over email I've replied to maybe 5 posts and the 1 or 2 people who responded to my pic sounded really boring, honestly. (FYI, my post says a fair amount about my interests, so it's not that my original posts are lame.) I've been on a couple dates with online people in the past, and all of the guys were creepy in one way or another. Anyone have thoughts on this? Is it possible that this sort of online dating is pointless? If you found someone compatible online, is it possible that you would give it a pass because the compatibility wasn't communicated through emails?
BlueHarvest Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I have a feeling you went into it thinking it WOULD be creepy, therefore your just seeing that side of it. To be honest I've never tried it myself. No offense to anyone who does do online dating but I kinda think that the point of dating is to meet people in public. I don't get out alot myself so I essentially stab myself in the foot with this statement but....I think that face to face social interaction is essential for even first time dates...but that is just me.
Konfuzion Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I have used craigslist for dating one time. I posted an add and my e-mail was flooded with messages, so i sifted through them all and e-mailed a few people back and ended up going out on a really nice date with a beautiful girl. Nothing ever came of it but we both had a really nice night.
Vertex Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I think it's just another avenue to consider, but I personally haven't had much luck with official online-dating sites (I dabbled in one once... but then I stopped when I considered that I went to college and was SURROUNDED by girls). In all honesty, I think you have to be extremely picky when it comes to online dating. Communicating a bit beforehand is probably a good way to even see if there's ANY compatibility. I didn't use a dating site, but one of my girlfriends I met online, and we spoke through AIM for about a month or two before meeting (we lived on opposite coasts). We exchanged pictures/etc, talked on the phone, and that sort of thing. By the time we met, we had a reasonably good idea about what kind of people we were... and things hit off very well. Veerrryyyy well. Amazing memories of an intense chemistry I can only dream of re-living again someday. I don't know if any of that helps you, but I guess I just wanted to say that there are different ways of communicating before meeting to better assess compatibility, and that you don't necessarily have to jump into something right away. Give it a month or two to really check things out, although for a dating site, that sort of timeframe may be too long. Depends on the person.
Author Isolde Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 I have used craigslist for dating one time. I posted an add and my e-mail was flooded with messages, so i sifted through them all and e-mailed a few people back and ended up going out on a really nice date with a beautiful girl. Nothing ever came of it but we both had a really nice night. Just out of curiosity, why didn't it work out? Not sure if I'm interested in going on just one date with people... I've done that enough in my life
D-Lish Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I have had on and off success with online dating... But lately I am just not into responding to anyone. I feel guilty sometimes- but I get messages saying "we seem to have a lot in common".... and I scroll down to the picture and WOW... I'm scared. I've had lots of dates over time (plentyoffish/Lava) but no one to get overly excited about.
Author Isolde Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 I have had on and off success with online dating... But lately I am just not into responding to anyone. I feel guilty sometimes- but I get messages saying "we seem to have a lot in common".... and I scroll down to the picture and WOW... I'm scared. I've had lots of dates over time (plentyoffish/Lava) but no one to get overly excited about. Yeah, I feel like alot of people end up getting several dates out of online, but very few find someone truly exciting online, and exciting is what I need at this point, even if I have to wait years to get there.
Balthazar Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I think it is best just doing more stuff socially. Joining a dance group, theater troupe, sports club, anything really where you are around people. From my experiences, women usually form relationships with men who are pre-qualified by some friend or group. This offers them a sense of security. Internet dating is more mainstream than in used to be but is still viewed with ambivalence.
pandagirl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I know some couples who have met online. It's a crapshoot just like dating in "real life" is. In some ways, online dating is great for busy people, who want to expand their venue of meeting people, outside of their social circle. At the same time, while online dating broadens your search, at the same time it's limiting, because there are so many people to choose from, creating a "there's someone better out there" attitude. My opinion, it's a good way to meet people. I do it as a way to casually date, but after awhile, it starts to feel like "shopping" and I'm pretty sure I'll meet a boyfriend-material type guy in real life.
Author Isolde Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 I'm so convinced that I'm never going to hit it off with anyone that I almost don't feel like casually dating, online or off, anymore.. I guess that is high strung.
D-Lish Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I think it is best just doing more stuff socially. Joining a dance group, theater troupe, sports club, anything really where you are around people. From my experiences, women usually form relationships with men who are pre-qualified by some friend or group. This offers them a sense of security. Internet dating is more mainstream than in used to be but is still viewed with ambivalence. I play basketball in the winter- but an all womens team. I know a few of them would go out with me:eek: I don't even know what kind of social network I'd consider joining... AND... ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE MARRIED OR IN RELATIONSHIPS...lol. And I do mean ALL. I really enjoy a Friday night out at the local pub. I have dinner with my parents at a cool little celtic pub every Friday- and it's filled with cute boys... but, um... I am with my parents. Just a year ago- I had three close gf's to go out with and do things with on a regular basis- since then they have all gone caving with their new bf's and I am lucky if I see them every 2 months or more. So internet dating at least gets me out there sometimes. I have to admit- that I have become despondent with dating in general. I have been single for 2 years... but this is the longest stretch I have gone without having some casual dude around to play around with. It's amazing what has happened to my so called friends when they meet a guy... they instantly go missing in action!
D-Lish Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I'm so convinced that I'm never going to hit it off with anyone that I almost don't feel like casually dating, online or off, anymore.. I guess that is high strung. No, it's not high strung. I feel the same way you do. I get several messages a day... and I look at each profile and just get more and more hopeless. They are either young and stupid, flexing muscles and sporting several pictures of themselves with their arms around strippers.... or they are creepy.... or bitter....and often, not at all attractive. I see lots of guys out and about, from Chapters to the grocery store... And they will make eye contact and slink around me... but never say anything. And I certainly don't know what to say! It's frustrating. I too feel as you do... like I am going to grow old alone. But I am sure you feel as I do- that settling isn't an option! I'd rather be alone than with settle.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 It's amazing what has happened to my so called friends when they meet a guy... they instantly go missing in action! Isn't that truth! I don't understand how they were brainwashed in the first place other than the sex. I'm impartial to online dating. I'd met a few people but it ended terribly. There was all these expectations that build up before the initial meeting and when you finally meet, all the chemistry evaporated. I rather meet guys in person because it's easier to assess through body language and the initial introduction whether there were anything to pursue.
Author Isolde Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 No, it's not high strung. I feel the same way you do. I get several messages a day... and I look at each profile and just get more and more hopeless. They are either young and stupid, flexing muscles and sporting several pictures of themselves with their arms around strippers.... or they are creepy.... or bitter....and often, not at all attractive. I see lots of guys out and about, from Chapters to the grocery store... And they will make eye contact and slink around me... but never say anything. And I certainly don't know what to say! It's frustrating. I too feel as you do... like I am going to grow old alone. But I am sure you feel as I do- that settling isn't an option! I'd rather be alone than with settle. Touche, and I'm the same about everyone around me is already in a relationship... Only thing different about my situation is that I've never been in a real relationship with a guy. I also have this big problem of overinvesting when I DO get a date, and expecting too much or being majorly disappointed if the guy isn't into me enough to want a third date.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Touche, and I'm the same about everyone around me is already in a relationship... Only thing different about my situation is that I've never been in a real relationship with a guy. I also have this big problem of overinvesting when I DO get a date, and expecting too much or being majorly disappointed if the guy isn't into me enough to want a third date. Isolde, maybe you need to find someone that's more attracted to you than you are to him. A man that pursues strongly will most likely win you over.
Author Isolde Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Isn't that sort of the same thing as settling, papercuts? Well-ok if I was 80% attracted and he was 90 or 100% that could work, but I still have to be attracted or it's leading him on
xpaperxcutx Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Isn't that sort of the same thing as settling, papercuts? Well-ok if I was 80% attracted and he was 90 or 100% that could work, but I still have to be attracted or it's leading him on I didn't mean to imply settling. I meant that you just need someone that's more willing to pursue in the dating process to alleviate your high expectations of him. That will ensure you wouldn't fall under the trap of expecting too much too quickly.
Author Isolde Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 I didn't mean to imply settling. I meant that you just need someone that's more willing to pursue in the dating process to alleviate your high expectations of him. That will ensure you wouldn't fall under the trap of expecting too much too quickly. No, I agree...it's not that I'm a princess or diva, it's just that it doesn't seem to work when I'm more intense than the guy.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 No, I agree...it's not that I'm a princess or diva, it's just that it doesn't seem to work when I'm more intense than the guy. I understand where you're coming from. Sometimes it's just better to sit back and let the guy do all the work.
Author Isolde Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Not only that, I'm also a really bad selector of guys to ask out. My best friend, on the other hand, gauges chemistry really well and pursued her longtime BF.
grogster Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I just came back from a nice date with a physician. We had a good time. I suspect it's easier when everyone is older and not doing the 20- and 30-something mating dance. Now that I'm ready to date again, I've been pleasantly surprised.
Author Isolde Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 I just came back from a nice date with a physician. We had a good time. I suspect it's easier when everyone is older and not doing the 20- and 30-something mating dance. Now that I'm ready to date again, I've been pleasantly surprised. Haha, yeah, mating dance. Nothing really very civilized about it at all. Just a frantic chase to get the most you can...
D-Lish Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Touche, and I'm the same about everyone around me is already in a relationship... Only thing different about my situation is that I've never been in a real relationship with a guy. I also have this big problem of overinvesting when I DO get a date, and expecting too much or being majorly disappointed if the guy isn't into me enough to want a third date. That only tells me you are a lot younger than me, and that you have lots of time to find someone! As for that feeling of intensity and over-investment, all you need to do is just scale those thoughts down when you meet someone. No expectations= no disappointment. Just remember that sometimes we give off a vibe we don't realize we are emitting. Guys can sense someone who might be over eager- it's often in the questions we ask or how we respond to their questions. I always pretend I am perhaps "mildly interested" on the first couple dates- even if I am excited about them. I also do not call them after the date... I wait for them to call me.
Author Isolde Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 Oh, believe me, I've tried the mildly interested thing already. It only works on first dates for me. After that, I often find myself genuinely interested in getting to know the person (not creepy interested, or asking weird questions; just genuinely).
EmperorR Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 ill prob end up single forever:lmao:, to shy to approach a girl, and i ahte this online dating stuff.
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