XxBacktoBlackXx Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Ugh. So, I just posted a post about how I was starting to get a little crush on this guy that I worked with, even though we hardly ever communicate and we don't talk outside of work...we have only said "Hi" at work. It was a stupid, mindless crush. I have a BF and I thought it was inappropriate and needed a new job anyway, so I put two weeks notice in... Now today, I find out that my BF has been "practicing" music with this chic that I always had a suspicion about...I don't care that he has female friends and I really like all of the friends he has introduced me to...however, when we went to one of his rehersals there was this chic there that I got a funny feeling about. I have noticed that they send each other messages on Facebook...the only way that I know this is when he checks his email in front of me, it says that this chic has sent him a message. I have never been introduced to her, etc. Well, we always know what each other is doing throughout the day...he will tell me when he has practices with the guys, etc (He is a music major). Well, I just found out today through facebook that he has been practicing music with this chic ALONE and he has NEVER mentioned it to me before. Ever. And they are planning more rehersals together. I know that because a couple weeks back she wrote on his wall, "Thanks for...bla bla bla" and apparently they scheduled another time. I do not often look at his facebook wall. I have noticed that when I am over and she sends him a message, he will not click on it in front of me. whereas with everything else he will... How am I supposed to feel about this? I feel so hurt right now. Why would he be hiding this from me? I have never gotten jealous about anything else or expressed jealousy. I like his female friends. Why would he have time alone with a girl and not tell me and continue to schedule this alone time? It is not for a class at all. Should I be upset? Should I bring this up??? I don't know what to do. I am crying. He has never even mentioned this girl to me before...
Replicant Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I think you need to take it down a few notches. Before this explosive showing of tears ends up imploding your insecurities on your current relationship. There is no reason why he needs to disclose everything he conducts with friends in order to keep your insecurities in check. Until you have concrete evidence to suspect otherwise, consider they are friends and respect that boundary.
Vertex Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Don't jump to conclusions -- there have probably been other times he's gotten messages from other people but doesn't care to check them in front of you, so just because he doesn't happen to check messages from a girl you are worried about doesn't mean much more either (confirmation bias). It's entirely possible that they just enjoy rehearsing together. If you're seriously worried about it, ask him about her, but in a very, very non-threatening way (ie. just ask something innocuous). So far I don't see any ostensible red flags, so don't freak out just yet If you find out anything more though, feel free to share
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Explosive set of tears ruin my relationship? I have never even cried in front of my BF before nor have I complained about ANYTHING before...so I have never showed him my "insecurities"...he does not know about them. I just reveal them here...I do that here because I want to get it out of my system and then I feel better. I know my reactions here are extreme but I never go through with it!
Vertex Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 If that's your actual picture in your avatar... *rawr* Just going by a complete combination of Occam's Razor and your description of the situation, and your picture (haha), I'd say you have little to worry about. Relax
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Thanks. I have calmed down. It takes me 'bout 10 minutes.
Geishawhelk Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 There's a possibility that he hasn't told you because he's afraid you might be jealous, and there's nothing in it, honestly, but he feels guilty because it looks as if there might be, so he's been discreet but actually, it's now backfired on him, because his discretion and tact has made you cross, and you are asking whether it's all innocent and it seems like sometimes a guy can't win, so I think honesty is always the best policy and maybe he should have been more up-front with you in the first place! *breathes!* Early in our relationship, I told my partner, "I don't care what you do. If you feel like straying and you have an eye out for someone, that's the way life goes. No human being has exclusive rights over another one, and you don't belong to me. You have a mind of your own, and if that's the way things go, then that';s the way things go. The only courtesy I would ask is that I hear about it from you, directly. Don't let me find out by accident, or from someone else. OK? You fancy another bit of skirt - be the one to tell me." He protested, and assured me he would never ever do anything like that. Why would he want someone else, when he's got me? But he promised me. Now, he could charm the birds off the trees. He's a 45-year old mature Law student, so he's surrounded on a daily basis by young pretty things, all studying similar things, who look to the senior (2nd and 3rd year)students for guidance. He's had a couple of them making overtures, and flirting, occasionally inappropriately. But he's always told me about it. And he's always given them the polite brush-off. I know this, because on two separate occasions, a couple of his fellow students have backed up his story, quite coincidentally..... If you're honest and up-front for the beginning, then any subterfuge later is inexcusable. the one who's hiding something doesn't have a leg to stand on. Say what you mean, mean what you say.
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