LittleDomino Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 So, I've had my heart broken. I know i'm not the only one in the world who's felt this way but at the moment i feel so alone. The guy in question is my best friend. He's been my best friend for about 4 years now and he's the greatest person i've ever known. I'm not exactly sure when my feelings for him became love but i think it's been a long time now. I turned down the oppotunity to go to a great university, so that i could go the same place as he was going. My lifes decisions revolved around him and i know that was stupid but i did it anyway cause he was so important to me. He had a gf whilst he was at uni, but she lived at home so even though i was jealous, i never ever saw her, so i lived with it and then they split up which made things easier. Plus, we lived in student accommodation so i was always surrounded by friends to keep me busy when i wasn't with him. Anyhoo, the problem started a few weeks ago. We moved into a flat together (just the two of us) and he started seeing someone else, someone that he really liked. She lives a few doors down so they are always together. I fell to pieces. I tried pushing him away cause when i was with him it hurt so much, but i ending up telling him how i felt. Of course, he decided to stay with her and things have just got increasingly harder for me. I know that these things are supposed to get better with time and space, but there is no way for me to get away from him now that we live together! Plus, we don't live with anyone else, so i don't have any company there unless he's in! I miss him when he goes out, but when he comes back to the flat he brings her! I know i'm being selfish, but i really don't want her in the flat. I don't want her anywhere near me cause she was the catalyst for ruining my life and probably my friendship. I live with him now and i don't have anywhere else to go. Plus i don't think i could get out of the contract with my landlord. I don't know how i'm going to cope with the next 8 months of university. I thought he was the one person in the world who would never hurt me, but i've never felt pain like this before. I hate him for doing this to me.
cybersister Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I cannot see how this is going to get better and you need to find someone to take your place in the flat - could you swap a tenancy with someone else ? If he did not know how you felt it does not sound fair to blame him for anything, and I guess if anything were likely to have developed between you it would have happened when you were both free and single.
Author LittleDomino Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 All the friends I have here already have somewhere to live and i don't know anyone else who would swap with me. I've already told him that i want to move out, but he says that he doesn't want to live with anyone else and i'll ruin everything. I know he's not to blame for the way i feel, but he doesn't take into account my feelings either. He's got cake and he's taken it all.
quankanne Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 no, dear, he doesn't have the cake. To say he did would to assume that y'all took the relationship beyond the friendship level, and from what you've posted, there has been no sex involved. And I would imagine that he doesn't see your relationship any differently than he has before ... therefore, no cake-eating on his end. I don't want her anywhere near me cause she was the catalyst for ruining my life and probably my friendship. again, this is not the case. He offered friendship, you expected something more and are now upset because he's chosen someone who isn't you as his love interest. While this other girl might be an annoyance and a bane to your existence, she wasn't a catalyst of any sorts. I know these words sound mean, but you need to get a grip on reality: You being upset over an unrequited love is normal and healthy; to blame someone else isn't, because those people have nothing to do with how things turned out. What you need to do is decide how you want to approach your relatinship with this guy – are you going to pine for him and hate him at the same time because he doesn't acknowledge your feelings, thus making yourself miserable? Are you going to set aside those desires to keep the friendship going? Are you going to do something in between those two responses? because it sounds to me that this guy values his friendship with you greatly, and you need to think seriously about what it means to you, too, before you start despising him for not giving you what you want when he doesn't see you as anything other than friend. on the other hand, you "ruining" things is a harsh way of telling you he wants to be your roommate ... does really and truly understand the depth of your feelings and how it affects the relationship?
Author LittleDomino Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Thanks for the help. I know i shouldn't blame him or her. But at the moment it's making me feel better. I think i could deal with this a lot better if i didn't live with him cause then i could have space away from him. At the moment, it feels like they are flaunting it in front of me cause i always see them together. In the past, the guy has really confused me too. We've always flirted with each other and we've slept in the same bed as each other many times (although with nothing remotely sexual happening). He's told one of my friends on a number of occasions that i'm the perfect girl for him and that i'm the girl he's going to marry. He's also told me that he wants to 'spread his seed' first. When i told him how i felt, he even said to me that he won't always be with her. I thought that was a little cruel of him to say, cause then he keeps me hanging on and i can't get over him if there is always a chance. This is kind of what i meant by the cake. It feels like he wants to go out and have fun for now, and then i'll still be waiting for him when he's finished. I think that's where all the animosity towards him is coming from cause i don't want to be that girl.
quankanne Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 oh hell, li'l D ... I showed my rear, didn't I? NOW I get it *smacks head* in light of what you've posted, then yes, he is being a jackass by saying one thing and doing another. Maybe the safe thing for your heart is to just become uninvolved by not letting him have access to certain parts of it. And maybe find someone else to take over your end of the lease, because if HE doesn't get that what he's doing is more than a little selfish and doesn't change, it'll only mean more misery for you. damn guys ... they can be little shxts, can't they?
Author LittleDomino Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 lol, he is a lovely guy (there is something nice in him which made me fall for him!), but he is incredibly self-obsessed and he doesn't realise it. The way he's behaving at the moment, he doesn't even realise that he's hurting me. It's his birthday tomorrow too. I have to go out with him and his girlfriend. Sigh. What a fun night that is going to be.
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