Things we all think during breakups

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I thought I'd create a thread for people to share their generalized experiences and patterns they witness in various breakups. The intent of this thread is mainly to unite people. Even though we may go through breakups and feel alone in the process, "we're all alone together." Breakups are inherently painful and confusing. Sometimes we don't understand what went wrong, or know how to interpret events, or how to read patterns/signs. In this thread, you can contribute your own observations of whatever patterns you continue to see, or analyze why these patterns even exist.

 

 

Here are some patterns I tend to notice:

 

 

-"Dawn before the Darkness" -- someone can declare love for you, mention "your future together" in some form, or do something nice, but decide a few days later that the entire relationship is off/they don't love you anymore/they have no more willingness to try/etc. This is obviously confusing because "Why would someone act so loving and then suddenly pull a complete 180 and no longer love? How can they bail like that so easily and without any hesitation?"

 

-Sometimes the people we break up with seem like completely different people. Even if you're with someone for years -- someone with whom you've shared many good memories with, they can reveal a very ugly side that you've never seen before. Whether it's a slew of verbal attacks, or a glacial, cold attitude, or ostensible apathy, it seems like everything's totally different.

 

-"Unfair Exclusivity," as I call it, is where you have an ongoing problem with someone that usually helps contribute to a breakup. However, after breaking up, the issue is resolved. For example, if someone's sexually hesitant to do something, or if they have a drinking issue, or won't do some activity with you, etc... these can cause problems within a relationship. Post-breakup, you may notice that they no longer drink as much, or that they do things with others that they refused to do with you. "Why would they decide to change these problems after we broke up?! Why couldn't this have happened before?"

 

-Lack of empathy for the dumpee -- when someone is dumped against their will, the ideal outcome is that the two involved no longer speak or contact for a while so that the dumpee can heal and move on. However, sometimes the dumper can get mad or upset when he/she continues trying to contact the dumpee, not understanding that it's harmful. There is somehow an anger present when a dumpee refuses a dumper's offer to "just be friends" and doesn't understand that someone who is dumped isn't necessarily going to be so willing to reject all feelings for the sake of satisfying some "lesser" "friend" state.

 

-"I love you/I care for you" -- sometimes we hear a variant of this, but wonder: If they actually cared/loved, why would they be dumping in the first place?

 

Feel free to add more/discuss/analyze/etc

[Vertex]

You can also add any patterns from the dumper's perspective, too.