shm772 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Hi I am new here and i must say i wish i wasn't here. My girlfriend of a little over a year has left me 2 weeks ago.she has not contacted me and i am doing the same. Is there hope that we could get back together? It has been hard. hurting bad. so here i go. 2 weeks ago we had a fight, i'm not getting into the particulars but it was a fight. later that night i called her and she wouldnt answer. i text her telling her that i will give her the space she requested a few days prior. she text back thank you i'll call when i'm ready the next day i sent her flowers and text her i was sorry. she text back leave me alone. now i did get a letter from her and it started off with how she misses the old me but something changed or a series of somethings. she said "i dont want that (personal) in your life because i love you." she went on with "i dont have all the answers nor do i know how to fix you, me, or us but i do know i need time to work on myself and get my head on straight." she states that she wrote the letter because "she was worried i thought she walked away with out a care" she says "this is not so. her heart is broken too." now am i crazy to look at this as perhaps some hope for the future? I'm struggling with letting go. I'm 36 and intellectually i know there are others and this is not my first loss but this one in particular hurts bad. sugestions please!!! other than the letter there has been no contact. by me or her. i've been tempted but i refrain. i just miss her so much . what should i do or dont do? i did play a part in this i did change during the course of the relationship. i took it for granted and didnt show muvch enthusiasm. plus i was very self centered.
CaliGuy Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 She's asking for space. Give it to her. In the meantime, use this extra time on your hands to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover). The book will show you how your behavior has changed and what to do to fix it. Sending flowers after you told her you wouldn't contact her was a bad idea. She says she loves you and needs to work on herself. You should be doing the same. Read the book my friend. It will be doing yourself a huge favor….
Author shm772 Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 thank you. I have left her be. i got the letter a week ago and she text me that day to see if i had gotten it. no contact since. I have been reading alot on here and this NC thing is extremely hard and painful. As a guy i think i can fix everything. With the NC i get scared she will forget me and i struggle with having some trust that this is best. also i struggle with accepting the fact that we might not ever get back together. the never ending stream of thoughts of her are emotionally draining. i need some peace.
CaliGuy Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 thank you. I have left her be. i got the letter a week ago and she text me that day to see if i had gotten it. no contact since. I have been reading alot on here and this NC thing is extremely hard and painful. As a guy i think i can fix everything. With the NC i get scared she will forget me and i struggle with having some trust that this is best. also i struggle with accepting the fact that we might not ever get back together. the never ending stream of thoughts of her are emotionally draining. i need some peace. You're going to have to learn to let go of things you can not control. Her coming back or not is completely out of your control. In fact, the more you want her to come back, the less the chances are that she will. Exs are weird. They tend to not want to have what they can have (you) and want most what they can't (you on NC!). She's telling you that she wants the old you back which is why I suggested the book. The book will help you get your head on straight and correct your behavior. Trust me on that. Read the book. Even if she doesn’t come back it will set up for successful relationships the rest of your life. And with more than just your S/O. With everyone you interact with!
0hpenelope Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Keep up with NC. It's a hard road to take and you'll see a lot of us struggle with it, but for most break-up situations, it is definitely the best recourse to seek. CG's right. Exes are weird. Even when they're dating someone else, they still come sniffing around for news about us. Any news. Someone will drop a word and it catches their attention so fast. Very strange indeed.
crushed66 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Hey Caliguy, can you please respond to my post? thx.
CaliGuy Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Hey Caliguy, can you please respond to my post? thx. Which post?
crushed66 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 my first one. which is better for me. disappear NC or talk NC. which is more efective. ty
Lishy Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Crushed what happened to trigger this split? It would be more inciteful to know
CaliGuy Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 my first one. which is better for me. disappear NC or talk NC. which is more efective. ty Just go NC. It's the quickest way to recover your confidence and self-esteem. If your ex really wants you, she will find you regardless of whether you are contacting her or not (but the odds are greater if you stick to NC). Note: This is no guarantee. All I am saying is if you continue to contact an ex who dumped you, you can only make things worse. At least with straight NC you can't really screw anything up.
crushed66 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Crushed what happened to trigger this split? im not exactly sure. my gf for 8yrs leave me 3 weeks ago. she's dating someone else now. i believe she was bored. i have never been dumped before. everytime i dumped someone i was bored (however i was much younger then) if that is the cause what can i do to save it.
Author shm772 Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 SHM, what happened to trigger this split? we were arguing more the last few weeks. i was completely selfcentered. we argued the one day and i went over to her place so we could talk in person. we were sitting on the couch and i straddled her legs and got all mushy saying just kiss me in a baby voice. she kept turning her head say no im not going to kiss you , stop, but with a smile on her face. i was not forceful and i was just trying to be funny so we wouldnt fight anymore. this went on for a little , me trying to kiss her her resisting but really all in fun. after we took the dog for a walk held hands talked. came back ,and i asked her if she wanted to lay down to take a nap. she said yes. we layed down and i asked if i could kiss her now she said yes. we made love then went out for a while came back i kissed her goodnight. the next day i called her to come over she said yes. then she says that i can never hold her down and force her to do anything. i was taken back and i said ok im sorry . i told her i wasnt trying too be as creep or anything and it just turned into an argument. the whole time we were together it was never violent or anything like that. she has not talked to me since. i am struggling with not contacting her. i am really going nuts.
tinke Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Does she have issues from her past that may have triggered this response?
Author shm772 Posted October 3, 2008 Author Posted October 3, 2008 Does she have issues from her past that may have triggered this response? she was taken advantage of by a counselor as a teen and i believe an uncle touched her inappropriately as a child.
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