stampdaddy Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 ***please note, this was 2 weeks ago*** Dear *****, I really don't know what to say to you anymore, if anything. So I guess I will just talk out loud for a moment. I can't believe that this is where we wound up. Of all of the beautiful places we could have landed - of what we could have become, THIS is where we are.. NEVER would I have believed..... You are a woman that I loved, more than anybody in my life and probably more so than any other for the rest of my life. ALL of the things that I have ever said to you were true. All of my steps, my roads, the night I met you - was the most wonderful night of my life. You were SO beautiful... But, I won't waste my time or yours "remembering". I know it's over for "us" - that "we" are no more. I know alot of other things too, things that just don't seem to matter anymore. I know we messed this up for us and that we will never try to fix it for us. I know that we will never sit one day and have some CLARITY AND EXPLANATION - FORGIVENESS. Our days are done, and for my part, I am sorry... I don't know what was CONSCIENCE OR CONFUSION, but I do know that I believed you, and for what it is worth, I appreciated your honesty with me, when you were honest with me... I just wish we would have known what to do, I REALLY do.. "We" did'nt deserve this.. "We" were beautiful for a very long time, and I will miss "us", and I already do... *****, I am sorry I did'nt know how to handle all of this. I really wanted to know, but I did'nt, I couldnt. I don't know where my regrets will fall, but there will be MANY, probably starting with July 8th, 2004 (the day we met). But for now, I am walking forward into my life without what I thought was the love of my lifetime. A love I will never know again, without a girl that I will never see again. I will be remembering that the last time that I saw that girl, she was staring straight into my "sunflower eyes", LYING TO ME.... And I will never get the chance to "forgive" that girl, and that girl will never have the chance to "forgive" me either.... So, I guess this is all I have to say to you, forever... "FOREVER", that word meant something entirely different yesterday.... I will wish good things for you, and I will search for good things for me.. "FOR THE BEST IS YET TO BE........."
DealingWDrama Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Are you sure you are not just trying to get the final word in on the affair ending? Don't answer that to me, answer it to yourself. Sorry you are heartbroken and hope that you are able to get on with your life and build a bright future for yourself and your family....
Author stampdaddy Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Are you sure you are not just trying to get the final word in on the affair ending? Don't answer that to me, answer it to yourself. Sorry you are heartbroken and hope that you are able to get on with your life and build a bright future for yourself and your family.... I will answer you, me and everybody else.. NO. When your relationship that you held so dear is completely destroyed in ONE DAY, yes, I had things to say.. Believe me, I have ALOT to say, but that letter was my one and ONLY attempt to do so.. Thanks though..
taylor Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Hi Stampdaddy, I understand your need to send a final closure letter to your MW. I sent one as well to my OM. They say nothing good comes of an affair. But we still want them to end on a "sweet" note. A heartfelt closure letter helps bring the affair full circle, makes the final goodbye a little more bearable, and may even bring a little peace to our traumatized hearts. I hope that this letter symbolizes not just an end, but a new beginning for you. You are on a healing journey now. Me, too. Forgiveness and acceptance are important parts of that journey. The rewards are strength and wisdom. Good luck to you on this journey, my friend.
Owl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 This doesn't ring of closure. It doesn't scream...I'M DONE WITH THIS INSANITY. It speaks of regrets, and of love, and hope for the future for both of you (albeit it does reference that seperately). It doesn't clearly spell that message out to her. I HOPE that it didn't leave her thinking that because you still love her, there's still a door cracked open for her somewhere. When I read this, I get the impression that there is. There are no words in here that ring out hard and strong giving a huge sense of finality. This comes across as mushy...not as harsh reality. Sorry SD...just giving my honest opinion.
Author stampdaddy Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 This doesn't ring of closure. It doesn't scream...I'M DONE WITH THIS INSANITY. It speaks of regrets, and of love, and hope for the future for both of you (albeit it does reference that seperately). It doesn't clearly spell that message out to her. I HOPE that it didn't leave her thinking that because you still love her, there's still a door cracked open for her somewhere. When I read this, I get the impression that there is. There are no words in here that ring out hard and strong giving a huge sense of finality. This comes across as mushy...not as harsh reality. Sorry SD...just giving my honest opinion. "Mushy"? me??
Reggie Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Yeah, SD, it's mushy. You need to accept thatyou guys really F'ed up by having an affair and just learn and move on. In time, you'll see it for what it was, a sordid, dishonest mistake. She lied, you lied, just a bad foundation, not the romance of the century. Stay NC. Force yourself. It gets easier.
taylor Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Yeah, SD, it's mushy. You need to accept thatyou guys really F'ed up by having an affair and just learn and move on. In time, you'll see it for what it was, a sordid, dishonest mistake. She lied, you lied, just a bad foundation, not the romance of the century. Stay NC. Force yourself. It gets easier. Accept that it is over. No better way to demonstate this than by going NC FOREVER. Forgive yourself for the mistake. Learn from the mistake, ie., gain wisdom. Muster the strength to Move On. Again, no better way to demonstrate this than by going NC FOREVER. P.S. Mushy = Sentimental...can be misconstrued as WEAKNESS. No time to be weak. Gather strength for the journey. Stampdaddy, my impression of your letter was that you sounded "resigned" to the fact that the relationship is truly over, not "hopeful" that it will resume. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. Now don't go proving me wrong, ya hear?
Author stampdaddy Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Stampdaddy, my impression of your letter was that you sounded "resigned" to the fact that the relationship is truly over, not "hopeful" that it will resume. That would be about right.. I was thinking about this last night: I used to write her a letter or poem or "chalkboard", or buy a card while I was out at the grocery store or carwash.. EVERYDAY.. Everyday I would write something to her.. Everyday for 4 years. NOW, I have written this letter.. and I have said some things to her and also a text or 2. Words that can not ever be taken back. Words that werent loving, hopeful or even nice.. AND, I am "resigned" that I will NEVER have the same feelings for her that would allow my heart to write a poem, and I wrote some beautiful poems, and I've never written one before her, and I don't think I ever will again. I wouldnt be able to stand in the card aisle and find one with ANY words that meant anything again.. And all of my letters have stopped with this one... It IS sad and I have been "mushy", because I was in love.. Everyday I was, and now I am not anymore. This is sad to me:(
Lookingforward Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 So is this "it" SD? The final hurrah as it were? Now you can start really healing from the whole thing. Maybe you should start posting on the 'post here instead of to your ex' thread over in Coping.
taylor Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 AND, I am "resigned" that I will NEVER have the same feelings for her that would allow my heart to write a poem, and I wrote some beautiful poems, and I've never written one before her, and I don't think I ever will again. I wouldnt be able to stand in the card aisle and find one with ANY words that meant anything again.. And all of my letters have stopped with this one... This is GOOD news. Stick to it. It's in YOUR best interests. Stampdaddy, one thing I learned post-affair. NO ONE is going to be able to hold your hand and walk you out of this misery you are in. YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF. I don't know how old you are BUT you have alot of living left to do. Every day is a gift. And every day that you don't move on, every day that you hang in limbo, is a day of your life that you squander away. How do you know you will never love again? I guarantee as long as you hang on to the memory of your former lover, you WON't find love again. How bad do you want it? The day you decide to walk away and not look back is the day you give yourself a chance to find love again. Do you want that chance? Sadder than not being in love anymore is not giving yourself a chance to love again!
Owl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Taylor, I am 87 And you still managed to get up enough gumption to have an affair?!?!? DAMN...I AM impressed now!!! :)
DealingWDrama Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 On a positive note, you could gather all of the poetry, clean it up, and have it published - who knows you could have a great coffee book there and make cash out of it... ... Seriously - writing and poetry are great ways to heal yourself...I wish you luck.
Dominique Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 When a relationship ends after one has been treated as poorly as this chap has been and letters are being written about what-was and could-have been, it is a wounded heart crying out for understanding, sympathy. There is a whiff of "hope" in a letter like that. Only one thing sends a message: silence, and the "noble disgust" of a silence born from insult, from someone whose dignity or trust has been compromised. After All These Lies and broken promises became so rampant he should have just quietly disappeared (given one or two last "confrontations" I can imagine) and that is that. With a letter like that she knows she has a hold on SD; that SD is still under her spell. And were she to come around tomorrow with suitcase in hand waving divorce papers, he would take her immediately back in, (not checking to see that those papers were never signed and sent in) I don't mean to sound harsh or cynical. But this letter writing is that of a man who is deeply hurt and is hoping to elicit a response. He is hardly over her. STOP writing/talking to either, for your own good DOM
JamesM Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 My impression is that you are expecting an answer back...or may hope for an answer back. I could be wrong. It sounds sad and wistful. It sounds like you still "carry the torch" for her. This letter indicates that you are not over her. And above all, if she shows it to her husband, then he may read it as I do. Here are some quotes: You are a woman that I loved, more than anybody in my life and probably more so than any other for the rest of my life. ALL of the things that I have ever said to you were true. All of my steps, my roads, the night I met you - was the most wonderful night of my life. Our days are done, and for my part, I am sorry... And I will never get the chance to "forgive" that girl, and that girl will never have the chance to "forgive" me either.... So, I guess this is all I have to say to you, forever... But that brings up a question....what IF she responds back with an equally regretful letter? What if she apologizes for all of the hurt? What if she states her regret that the relationship was not still going on? And if she wants to meet one last time...? Will you send another letter or is this TRULY the last letter? When will you really end this affair?
taylor Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Taylor, I am 87 You listen to Coldplay, One Republic and REM. Pretty cool 87 yo! But , serioiusly, at your age, if you're going to start moving on, you better hop to it!
Author stampdaddy Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 DOM, I am sure you are correct about the love.. and hints of hope.. BUT, I would NOT take her back into these doors... and not into my hearts doors.. I couldnt. It has been over 2 weeks now that I communicated with her, and that was this letter.. No texts, no calls, no more letters, not even letters that I know she would never see.. God, there were 1000's of those before.. I have read way too many threads now, explaining to me where she was at during this whole thing, being a cake eater, being selfish, only thinking about herself, and NO ONE else, to the point of IF she showed up here with those papers, it does not change what she did to ME.. She didnt love me at the end, she trashed me, to save herself. SILENCE is what she will get, and if it hurts her, I will not know nor care about it. NOW, I will still be hurt and cry, and TODAY is a VERY hard day for me... And tonight, I will cry my heart out, but I will NOT have any urge to contact
Shygirl15 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Taylor, I am 87 Well, I didn't know people could grow 40 some years in just eight months. You mentioned in one of your posts of February this year that you're in your early 40s??
Author stampdaddy Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Well, I didn't know people could grow 40 some years in just eight months. You mentioned in one of your posts of February this year that you're in your early 40s?? I was kidding.. I am 41 and a 1/2
whichwayisup Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 I really hope you don't smell like this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164693/
Author stampdaddy Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 I really hope you don't smell like this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164693/ No honey, I smell like a sweet, sweet petunia...
Owl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Odd...I think I'M smelling some fertilizer coming from somewhere...
Terminator Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 So, SD, you sent this letter two weeks ago, why is today so heartbreaking? Is it because of the driveby on the weekend?
Author stampdaddy Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 So, SD, you sent this letter two weeks ago, why is today so heartbreaking? Is it because of the driveby on the weekend? I guess I left that part out, sorry... I had been saying a few months ago that I saw myself being ALONE by October.. That we would fail. That our relationship would crumble under all of the strain. October is my favorite romantic month, with the crisp fall air, fires on the patio, wine on the porch, football on Friday nights, etc... And I was right, I AM alone now, and it is October... we didnt make it
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